May 21, 2005
IPC Entertainment presents: Operation Fandoq 1
Dear Viewers:
Now we shall take over the control of your monitors!
We shall control the verticals, the horizontals, & even the diagnals!
We shall control the left, the right and in between or the middle (Khate Imam)!
Now, we are in control of your monitors!
Now, you are entering the "Ahreemanic Zone"!
Sit back, relax, grab a can of your favorite beverage and get ready to enter the,
Doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo, Da dada daaaaaaaaaaaaaa.............
The Ahreemanic Zone!
Welcome To The Ahreemanic Zone........
Folks,
This one is my special tribute to All Iranian Garage Based Satellite Television Movements, their TV Showmen and their followers! Bon Appetite!
Announcement
Operation Fandoq 1
Hear yee, hear yee,
Dear Aryan Youth of Iran, return to your Zoroastrian Roots and avoid Pure Islam of Muhammedi! Avoid Imam Memei & return to Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist!
A Bit History
Before we start the interview,
Primarily allow me to preach to you that The Fandoqist Movement is rather different than any other present Television Movement! On this day, we have various Television Movements in exile. The original Radio/Television Movement Showman was our legendary Orson Welles with his legendary "War of The Worlds" Show. People actually fell for his show & believed that Aliens were invading The Earth! After our Father, Orson Welles, we have learned the power of TV Shows, Infomercials, & TV Connery!
Next came our various Iranian TV Movements trying to copy the legendary Orson Welles, yet there were three problems:
a) Our Cheese-Ball showmen & Con Artists, were not as convincing as Mr. Welles!
b) Our Facilities were not major studios, yet the Garages & Basements of our TV Owners' rental homes, a camcorder & an Iranian Editor named Ani (short for Enayat)!
c) Our Showmen were not as conning as Mr. Welles, yet they had various experience in the fields of Car Sales, Rug Sales and Insurance Sales; therefore, they try making up for this major lack.
Finally our beloved Iranian community's geniuses started to erect famous cheesy Iranian Talk Shows, yet named them Iranian 24 hours TVs! These shows could easily be conducted on radio, yet the Showmen insisted to show their gorgeous faces on TVs! They run their talks with audience, ads, a few cheesy music videos for 12 hours & then run the whole damn thing again for another 12 hours & they call it 24 hours Television. Iranian Entertainment @ its best!
Next thing you know, the new rising stars of Iranian Pop Music (Two Bit Persian Whores of LA), including Miss Faheshe, and also Old Legendary Shah Qalis of Iranian Pop Music (Veteran Persian Whores, just arrived in LA), including Ms. Mamoosh, had joined these TV Show Movements to aid the good "Compatriots" of Eye-Rain & Up_Position in their Erections, also Raising & Waving their Hero's pictures & Banners! These Great Iranian Artists were also helping these movements via singing Ey Iran, Ey Iran songs in this manner:
Ey Miran, Ey Razl-e Por Goh Arrr,
Dar Saye at, parvaride Gav O Khar,
Mollah shod, tamame khake Ariya,
Ma dast bar tokhm, dar Qorbat O safa!
La La La LaLa, LaLa, LaLa ............
Or sometimes these Honar Bandan of LA, sing:
Cho Miran Lavashak,
Kabob Kubideh Mabad!
Be din Chelo Kaboby,
Zende Yek tan mabad .........
But their favorite patriotic song, often heard on LA TVs is this one:
Cho Iran nabashad,
Be Tokhmam ke nist!
Ravam jaye digar,
Zamin qaht nist!
Next thing you know, Home Sick, Hopeless, Gullible, Retired, Allaf, & Activist Youth, bought these Garage-Visions programs & purchased the full line of coffee Mugs, Cups, Water bottles, Caps, Aprons, T.Shirts, Bibs, Diapers and condoms!
Each TV Showman insisted that Faravahar is the logo for their show! Each wanted the monopoly on Faravahar! We even produced Faravahar condoms & Strawberry Lube Oil! Presently we are in the progress to produce Green, White & Red Underwears for the patriotic folks!
Soon, many Legendary movements came out! amongst them, are:
The Yazidi Movement
The Iran of Yesterday Movement
The 9/11 Iran Movement
The 411 Information Iran Movement
The Iran of Day After Tomorrow Movement
The Nagoo-Zia Movement
The Pink Faravahar Movement
The Anojaman-e Farmayeshi Movement
The Orange Derafsh Movement
and of course,
Our beloved,
"Fandoqist Movement"
* * *
Interview with Dr. Fandoqist
Today we have the pleasure to conduct an interview with Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist, the spiritual leader and the commander in chief of global Gang of Fandoqists under the Orange Derafsh!
Dr. Fandoqi, why are you the Real McCoy?
We, The Fandoqist (Hazelnut) Movement, are nuttier than the rest, in fact, we are the nuttiest! We have the most Nuts in our Movement! We are different than the rest of your TV Show Movements. We have Derafsh of Fandoq! We have the Fandoq Baseball Caps, we have the Hazelnut Jackets and we have posters of Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist, available for you to raise & wave!
Why are your Army of Fandoqis, raise & wave Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist's Posters?
Originally we wanted our Young Nuts to raise & wave "Shah Seyed Sultan Husssein-e Dovom's" pictures, because afterall, we are Fandoqists & "Mashmooleh Khah"! However, Shah Seyed Sultan Hussein-e Dovom, is not exactly very popular these days; furthermore, he has become the symbol of Vegetation, Laziness, & Bi Bokhari! so as you see, we have decided to,
Raise & Wave Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist's (my own) Posters, because:
a) To put the viewer in doubt about who will be the future Sultan! Will it be Shah Sultan Hussein or will it be Shah Sultan Fandoq?!
b) To distance ourselves from Shah Sultan Hussein, so people will not assume that we are another Shahollahi flag waving, poster raising Disco Movement!
c) We had to give our Nuts something to raise & wave! How can we send them in the streets without anything in their hands to raise & wave? Iranians must wave something, may it be Mosadeq, Shah, Imam Khomeini, President Khayami (Testicles), Meme Rajavi or Shah Seyed Sultan Hussein-e Dovom's pictures! So we figured to give the Hazelnuts, pictures of Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist's posters to wave!
What is your Agenda?
Our cause is to return Iran back to 651 AD time period & evaporate 1400 years of Islam out of our history!
How are we going to do it?
Well,
By raising Fandoq Derafsh
By waving Dr. Fandoq's Posters
By throwing Chaining, chain Banging and Chest Banging sessions @ Government & Federal Building's front side walks!
and of course by wearing Faravahar Fandoqist Caps!
Well we figured, even if we will not be able to destroy Islam, we can @ least sell some merchandise, caps & mugs, TV ads & collect some funds to develope the Fandoq!
If Ayatollah Rafsanjani can develop Pistachio in Pistachio Farms, why can't we develop Fandoq in London or New York? Who is to stop us? We slap the western governments & police forces in the face!
Why don't you get demonstration permits before you demonstrate?
Because we are too cheap to do so!
Why no one is permitted to officially speak on behalf of Fandoq Movement?
Because we are a Top Secret Movement. Not even Dr. Fandoq (myself) knows, what will be our next move! As we go along with the TV Show, we make up policy & future plans!
Why Fandoq Movement?
Well, its better than going back to selling Rugs or Cars! This way, we gather a number of Allaf & Hopeless or old farts, around us to wave our picture, plus we will make some money too! We also give Bikars & Bums, a cheesy program to watch on our TV Shows!
Do you consider yourself, The Greatest Iranian Garage Based TV showman?
But of course! There are Dr. Yazidi, Dr. Chos Kuhee, Dr. Soor Ezraeel, Dr. Zard Ani, Dr. Golden Mask, Dr. Bazm Araa, Dr. Nagoo-Zia, Dr. Shaltook Allah-Bakhshian, Dr. Jebhei, Dr. Chapool, Dr. Shahollahi, Dr. Reformo Hezbo, Dr. Kachal, Ms. Antar, Ms. Shab-Dollah, Ms. Pir-e Dokhtar, and Ms. Khanom Raees, but then we have a new approach to TV Shows! We are unique!
We use Anti Islam Atmosphere to do some business, get popular, have some fun, cut & paste other historians knowledge in to our shows & pretend its our own, gather some Allaf as scattered gangs o bums around Europe and of course claim that we have an Internal Operation & Army of Fandoqs, ready to take Operation Fandoq, onto a step further to cripple IRI.
What is exactly Operation Fandoq 1?
We are Fandoqists & Mashmooleh Khah! Our Movement is about Fandoq! We insist that on the 7th day of the 7th Moon of Pluto on the 7th hour of the 7th Zoroastrian Calendar (7 is the holy number), all of our followers, either in person or by mail, purchase some Fandoq from Haji in Westwood!
Why Haji?
Because, before "Operation Zepeleshk", I have personally examined Haji's Fandoqs & I have personally touched Haji's Fandoqs! They are firm, round, crunchy and Hard! Thats why I, Dr. Fandoq, order my Aryan youth & Old Bag Army of Followers to only purchase Haji's Fandoqs! While @ Haji's, you are also allowed to munch on some Gol O Bolbol Persian Ice Cream! But make sure that you only get your fingers on Haji's Hazelnuts & no one else!
You are only allowed to hold 1 Fandoq between your fingers & take it to demonstrations!
Why only 1 Fandoq?
Because we are all about Unilateral, Mono thesism, Solo Operations, Go @ it alone, Type O Movement. We do not work with others. We only work with Believers in Shah Sultan Hussein-e Dovom and believers in the system of Shahollahi and of course believers in Fandoq! No others are or will be included. We are a Top Secret Movement. We only operate from London to Tehran & we always take British Airways!
Now how can we possibly hold 2 Fandoqs in our hands? For Ahura Yazidi's sake, that means cooperation with other groups! We are not about 2 hands or 2 Fandoqs, but we are about 1 hand & 1 Fandoq! We are the righteous ones! Javid Fandoq!
What is the story with Derafsh of Fandoq?
Other flags are Arabized, even Lion & Sun are Arabized! Even though Lion & Sun are 8000 years old symbol but the sword in lion's hand is an Arabic Sword, therefore, we either had to transform the sword to an Iranian Sassanid Straight Sword (like IPC), but then again, they would have marked us that we copied IPC. We already copy/paste enough material from IPC & other groups, so we could not do this! Instead, one day, we looked @ Dr. Aryamanesh's picture & we saw a Purple Derafsh behind him! So thats how we created the Fandoq Derafsh! Yet our Derafsh has Hazelnut & Orangish Color in it! Afterall, we want to take Iran 1400 years back in history to Sassanid Era, no?!
What's next?
After the success of Operation Fandoq 0, we are going to perform Operation Fandoq 1. Our Gang O Fandoqist Allaf will travel from London to New York & chain themselves to Hot Dog Stands & Water Hydrants. As usual we are too cheap to purchase a Protest Permission from NYPD! We expect massive turnouts, more than our last Operation, maybe 151 members total! This protest will be held in front of UN Building & my pictures are already made & developed on Banners & Placards with poems of Ferdowsi to boil the blood of any Activist Aryan Youth to rise up my beautiful portraits!
How will the internal Operation Fandoq 1 operate?
Inside Iran, we have managed to gather a few Cab Drivers, Truck Drivers and 18 Wheeler Jahel Drivers. These "Compatriots" will sabotage their own spark plugs, so they cannot drive their vehicles for a week during the Forbidden Week of Aryan Revival!
How does this damage the IRI's line of communication, Travel & Road System?
We are hoping for these 5 Cabbies & 5 Truck Drivers to not drive for a week; therefore, there will be more passenger load, & cargo load for other Cabbies & Trucks to handle! Also the Railroad system has to carry more load, so little extra load here or there will destroy IRI's line of travel & Connectivity!
Will your Fandoqi "Compatriots" use Arms?
Well, even though we are a Pacifist Organization, yet the other day, me & my Adjutant Fandoqis have decided that maybe we can use little Orange Peeling knives of less than 4 inches of blade, so we can slash our own cabs & trucks tires in Tehran to avoid them from moving! This way, we shall hit 2 birds with one stone!
a) We will not destroy our pacifist stands by using real guns & knives!
b) We obey the law, because blades under 4 inches which are not switch blades, are perfectly legal.
Will you be using any other types of weapons?
Yes, we will also use the palms of our hands as "Kaf Gorgi" to slap on top of the hands of Iranian Police (Pasebans), when giving us tickets for blocking the busy roads of Tehran with our slashed tire cabs & trucks! We will slap them on the hands & say:
Bad Bad Bad Pasebans! Join the Fandoqists & turn on Mullahs!
Will you be giving the Islamic Armed forces flowers as symbol of peace?
No, Roses are too expensive! We will give them Fandoqs, one per policeman!
Do you have any final words for our viewers?
Yes, eat a lot of Fandoq & always hold a little Fandoq, up in the face of authorities, until we move on to our next Operation!
.............. Operation Walnut 1. This huge Operation Walnut 1 or Operation Gerdu 1, will be the final blow in the face of IRI! We are planing to purchase pounds & pounds of Walnuts from Haji in Westwood & transfer them to Tehran, for our Internal Army to hold them hi in the face of the Islamist Police! Only then, you are allowed to hold Walnuts with your fingers, & even then, you must, I insist that you must only hold up & rise only & only One Walnut! Not two!
Thank you for your time. Best wishes to you & your Fandoqi followers. Thank you very much Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist.
Thank you for having me for this interview. Remember to always eat Fandoq & crack Fandoq peels. It revives the Aryan in you! Also, Ahreeman jan, as a fellow "Compatriot", may I ask you to give me a break & Finger me less?! Haven't you found a wall shorter than my wall to climb? A Little Short bia! Hala shoma ye kam kutah bia?! Go finger other TV Showmen, Movement Leaders of Eye_Rainian Up_Position! Will ya? Dast az sare kachale ma bardar, Pretty please?!
Finally I would like to end with a slogan:
Javid Fandoq
Javid Fandoqism
Javid Me, Dr. Fandoqe Fandoqist
Javid Shah Seyed Sultan Hussein-e Dovom
Javid Shaf and Shaf-e Miran
* * *
OK Boys & Ghouls, Hee Hee Hee How Howl, Howling.........
Now we return the control of your monitors back to yous!
Go on, shoo, shoo fly, shoo away...............
Go back to your lives & jobs & ................
What? What did you say? You got no jobs?
Well, some of you with jobs, go back to work,
Some of you with no jobs, continue vegetation or play "Ye Qol - Do Qol" with the one next to yous!
Ahreeman Bless!
Amen!
Who loves you babies?
Ahreeman indeed!
Who else?
Sign,
Ahreeman Mirzaye Qajar
