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Caribbean Venture - Part I
 

Caribbean Venture
X Diaries: Mexico

Part One

Ahreeman X
Written: September 20, 2002
Republished: October 31, 2007


Cruise Ship anchoring

Took off from The Beautiful San Diego, 75 degrees and sunny Mediterranean climate all year round to my destined trip of historical, archeological, business, political and of course leisure nature, with my usual entourage whom always like it or not follow me around the globe. Said my farewells to San Diego and set my will in case of unexpected incidents! Stopped in Atlanta, Georgia down south to change planes while figured to maybe meet with Nima for a political chat yet not enough time and I had to stick with airport area only. Moved on down to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and as soon as landed, I had noticed an interesting characteristic about this town! For the first time in United States I have seen a city which was connected with water canals and waterways same as Venice or Amsterdam! Until that moment, I had never thought that there is a city in USA with this type of system. Actually I have to admit that Fort Lauderdale is much more beautiful than Venice or Amsterdam. The waterways are more clean, the water buses are more sophisticated and the water boats are more modern. Fort Lauderdale is an old military fort of Confederacy during the Civil War, yet a vacation spot in present time. I have to admit that the only thing that we are lacking in San Diego is the Water Ways and Water Canals, otherwise, we live in Heavens on Earth which called San Diego, yet unfortunately San Diegans take it for granted and they don't take advantage of all there is to do there! Hypothetically, If you spend a full month of leisure site seeing and doing whatever there is to do in San Diego, you still will not be able to cover everything there is to see and everything there is to do! Let's just say that San Diego is The Vacation Spot of The World and any one who is anybody in United States, does own a House or a Villa in San Diego, yet, we don't have Water Canals there! Oh well, can't have it all!

While very impressed with the Water Buses of Fort Lauderdale, we cruised all over the town on these buses and observed Multi Million Dollars houses of celebrities over there! Fort Lauderdale and Florida in general is a beautiful place but there's only one problem with it! It is humid like hell! The climate is Hot and Humid Tropical Climate, meaning that you will sweat your shorts off every day, and you must take 3 showers a day not to stink! The weather is so humid that you can't breathe unless you are from Abadan (South Iran) and you are used to this type of weather on the Persian Gulf! But for someone like myself who lives in San Diego with a type of weather like Caspian Sea Shores (North Iran) or South of France, there is a null chance in hell that I can live in Florida! There are climates of Hot and Dry like Desert Climate and then there are climates of Hot and Humid like Tropical Climates, but where I prefer to live is Hot and Just right, like Mediterranean Climate such as San Diego. Anyhow, we ended up in Renaissance Hotel of Marriot and of course in swimming pool to survive Florida's heat! Skinny Dipping in the pool and Jacuzzi would have been awesome, yet we did not want to get arrested before we start our cruise! So I was sitting in my hotel room and reminiscing with Haji Kuchikeh about how once we were so young and passionate that Blondie and Brunettey barged in and informed me that it's time to leave.

After the usual immature behavior at the customs talking about Bombs while waiting in line for our luggage to get cleared, we moved on down towards the cruise liner.

Blondie: Must you act like an imbecile at all times?
X: It's in the blood!
Brunettey: It's his nature, you know?
Bl: But people get arrested for talking Shiite like that at the airport or seaport these days!
Br: Ye, it's so immature but then you know him, don't you?
Bl: Yes, the crazy man, I forgot!
X: Ladies paleese, if I wanted to hear nagging, I would have stayed in San Diego and dropped at my Mom's House!
Bl: Animal, .........


Cruise Ship

So we jumped on Caribbean Cruise Line, Norwegian Ship named "Monarch of the Sea" after the Norwegian Imperial Family and into our Cabins. I remembered that I always wanted to stay in a ship cabin with a little round window to view the sea from it! I got this idea since I used to watch Tintin Cartoons while Captain Haddock the old seaman was often in these types of cabins, yet now that I was actually in one, I saw how small were they and how claustrophobic was the shower and bathroom! I am used to huge bathrooms and Spa Bathtubs, I like bathrooms size of a living room, I could settle for large hotel bathrooms with TV, Phone, and Jet Tubs in them but not this! This was a vertical coffin and I felt that the walls were moving closer towards me to crush my skull! How can you take a shower while half of your butt is hanging out of the curtain?! Especially for a 6' 3" tall man like me, that was hell! Cruise Liners are great and fun, but I am too claustrophobic for them Barbie doll cabins and showers! Dang, and no bubble baths either! But I have to admit that unexpectedly, the water pressure was strong, and not puny like some hotel rooms due to saving water plans!

So I went out for a walk on the deck while I saw the pictures of His Majesty King Harald V and Her Majesty Queen Sonja on the walls of the ship's 11th floor on my way to the 14th floor, and I was looking at Norwegian Monarchs while suddenly a ship officer greeted me and asked me if I find Norwegian Imperial Family interesting? I went like: this is all fine with Imperial colorful dresses and glory, yet I'm still showering in a vertical coffin, you know? And he went like, much apologies sir, but all Cruise liners' bathrooms are like that, there's not enough room to build a Luxury Jumbo Bathroom for you! Smart mouth Norwegian Viking bastards making smart ass remarks, I told myself! So I mumbled on and walked away to the deck....

There are many things to do on the sea cruise, so many activities, 5 different night clubs with five different styles of music, movies, Las Vegas type of shows, outdoor live bands playing Reggae and Calypso all day long, swimming pools, Jacuzzis, clubs, Bingo for old folks and a Full Casino on the ship for the Gamblers and house wives! Of course you can always lie there in the sun and roast your buns to achieve the perfect sun tan like I tried to! As far as the dining goes, there are all kinds of restaurants on the ship, buffet type of a deal with a variety of food, formal gourmet restaurant serving 3 meals, 24 hour Pizza and Hot Dog Parlor, Midnight snack and orderves being served in all lounges and a full self service buffet served all day between meals in the glass walls Deck restaurant on the 12th floor of the ship! They make sure that you become well fed, fat and juicy! But then again there's a Gym to sweat it all off! The gym was nothing like the gyms I am used to, but it would do. As usual, I spent some time in the gym eyeing the buff girls and flirting with Aerobic Instructors, while the rich old ladies were admiring my biceps, winking at me and pinching my butt!

The group that I was dining with consisted of a tall blonde from DC and a short blonde from DC. They were both government employees working in some government office in DC, then there were the Jew girls, one a high school counselor from Boston and one an Art teacher from New York, next there was the New Jersey Transit Authority who was originally from Puerto Rico and then of course there were the Blondie and Brunettey. There were a total of 8 people including me who were dining together during dinners in the gourmet restaurants, so eventually we got to mingle with each other during dinners, but for rest of the days, we were separated and doing different things. To tell you the truth, I was the only person in our crew who found the complete variety of food horrible! Everyone else loved it or believed it was OK! I am a very picky eater and used to best of the best and the ship's food just wouldn't do! I guess I am spoiled!


Pyramid at Cozumel, Mexico

The whole idea of going to Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico, was to see the Maya Ruins. As you know, my interest lies in history and archeology. One civilization that I do have much information about, yet never had a chance to observe its environment was Maya Culture of Mexico. Maya Civilization was made up of City-States, kind of like Shush (Susa) City-State Civilization of Iran going back 8000 years. But Maya City States did not go back as old as Shush (Susa). Mayans lived in south-east part of Mexico at Yucatan Peninsula, Guatemala, Honduras, and Belize. Later on when Aztecs made an Empire, they took over the Maya Culture/territory. Maya, Olmec, and Aztec were the Central America's Indian Civilizations. You must distinguish that Central America's Indian Civilizations such as Maya and South Americas Indian Civilizations such as Incas of Peru, were highly evolved civilizations, specifically in astronomy, mathematics, natural science, natural medicine, etc. However, the North America's Indian Tribes were nowhere as civilized as Central and South America's Indians. North American Tribes lived a tribal life in tents and the most sophisticated they came were the Pueblo Indians of New Mexico State in USA! At least Pueblos were steady and not nomadic and on the move, like other North American Tribes such as Sue, Apache, Navaho, Mohawks and Cheyenne were. Pueblos built cities yet primitive ones. So I always wanted to see the Maya Civilization up close, and where to go but the center of Maya Culture, The Yucatan Peninsula where the cultural city and the heart of Maya Civilization rests, the ancient city of Tulum in Yucatan.


Pyramid at Tulum, Yucatan, Mexico

The ship anchored near the shores, we jumped into the ferry and onto the Yucatan. We dropped by the beautiful vacation Island of Cozumel where all the tourists were hanging, yet I had other plans in mind, so out to Yucatan Deserts and Jungles we went in search of Ancient City of Tulum.

Brunettey: Damn you Doc, couldn't we at least take a swim at Cozumel where civilization is?
Blondie: No way, that's not like him! We had to leave Cozumel Beach/Resorts and into the middle of nowhere!
Br: Not even a lousy sun tan! couldn't we stay a while in Cozumel?
Bl: Of Course not, he has to drag us in the middle of Mexican Jungles to see some ran down cockamamie ruins of some dead culture from a thousand years ago!
Br: When we go back, they gonna wonder how come I don't have a sun tan!
Bl: Oh and you must tell them about how Doc avoided us to go to the beach and dragged us into the Mexican Deserts to see Maya Pyramids, and that's if we even get there! Maybe Bandits will get us first, rob us and kill us, thanks to Doc!
Br: Is this a vacation or work? Why do we have to walk a miles in this jungle full of Mosquitoes biting all over our bodies in the middle of nowhere?
Bl: What makes you think we are in vacation? Life with Doc, no time for vacation! If the Mosquitoes don't poison us, these giant spiders will, and if they don't, then the Mexican Banditos will murder us.
Br: You aren't serious are you?
Bl: Just wait and see Darling, just wait...... a vacation with Doc is like running a mission as a CIA Spy to Libyan Deserts in search of Muammar Gaddafi! God Damn Doc!
Br: But this is a vacation!
Bl: No, this is a survival test, planned by Doc!
Br: Doc, When you said let's take a cruise, I didn't know I end up in Jungles of Mexico with Poison Ivy and Mosquitoes!
Bl: Well, you learn a thing or two, everyday with Doc, he is full of surprises!
X: Ladies, ladies, paleese, you are breaking my concentration to navigate! I am trying to reach the main alter of the main pyramid in Tulum. Will you remain silent for a second?
Br: The hell with that!
Bl: I have a feeling, we will be silenced by the hands of local Maya Oriental Assassins, very soon dear....
Br: Oh don't say that..... I hate you Doc, can we go back to San Diego now?


Tulum Castle

And we walked along the pyramids, alters and Maya Ruins. Amazing architecture and scientific knowledge of these people back in those times! This is why many historians and Scientists firmly believe that Earth was visited by aliens and they are the ones responsible for architecture of Egyptian, Aztec, Maya Pyramids, Crop Circles of Central Mexico and South America, also cave paintings of Astronauts in Mesopotamia! How else could the non hi-tech cultures of those eras built, invented and labored all these wonders?! Aliens must have been involved! I go further than that and I even claim that we are the results of an Alien Experiment. We are ants in an ant farm (Earth), a genetic experiment by Aliens to see how far we can evolve! We are a genetic mix of the Earth Primates and Alien Beings! At least, I must say that this is one of my strong theories after years of study and experiment. Aliens have been watching us, experimenting and observing us for centuries and millenniums. So to put it in a mild manner, our dads were Little Green Aliens and our Moms were little Monkeys, mated together and little big human beings like us got created but we are too selfish to accept this, so we created God, Heaven and Hell, Prophets and Saints, also other Bull Shiite to satisfy our Egos that everything will not end here, there will be an afterlife, a judgment day, and we will join our Father in heaven and other Crap ala Carte.....!


Maya Tulum Castle on the shores of Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico

Maya city of Tulum was interesting but not as interesting as I thought! Maybe next time, I should go to Mexico Central to observe Aztec Ruins with much larger Pyramids! Next day we woke up in bed, our bodies were full of Red Spots. We broke out in rashes, large moles, poisoned and rashed by gigantic Mexican Mosquitoes! We scratched and itched ourselves to non-stop bleeding! I have never heard the end of it by the ladies! But we survived the archeological trip!

Back to the ship and off to the famous Grand Caymans we went.

Cayman Islands here we come .... Next Page

Part One
Part Two
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