X Diaries: Mexico
Written: September 20, 2002
Republished: October 31, 2007
Cruise Ship anchoring
Took off from
The Beautiful San Diego, 75 degrees and sunny Mediterranean climate
all year round to my destined trip of historical, archeological,
business, political and of course leisure nature, with my usual
entourage whom always like it or not follow me around the globe.
Said my farewells to San Diego and set my will in case of unexpected
incidents! Stopped in Atlanta, Georgia down south to change planes
while figured to maybe meet with Nima for a political chat
yet not enough time and I had to stick with airport area only.
Moved on down to Fort Lauderdale, Florida and as soon as landed,
I had noticed an interesting characteristic about this town! For
the first time in United States I have seen a city which was connected
with water canals and waterways same as Venice or Amsterdam! Until
that moment, I had never thought that there is a city in USA with
this type of system. Actually I have to admit that Fort Lauderdale
is much more beautiful than Venice or Amsterdam. The waterways
are more clean, the water buses are more sophisticated and the
water boats are more modern. Fort Lauderdale is an old military
fort of Confederacy during the Civil War, yet a vacation spot
in present time. I have to admit that the only thing that we are
lacking in San Diego is the Water Ways and Water Canals, otherwise,
we live in Heavens on Earth which called San Diego, yet unfortunately
San Diegans take it for granted and they don't take advantage
of all there is to do there! Hypothetically, If you spend a full
month of leisure site seeing and doing whatever there is to do
in San Diego, you still will not be able to cover everything there
is to see and everything there is to do! Let's just say that San
Diego is The Vacation Spot of The World and any one who is anybody
in United States, does own a House or a Villa in San Diego, yet,
we don't have Water Canals there! Oh well, can't have it all!
impressed with the Water Buses of Fort Lauderdale, we cruised
all over the town on these buses and observed Multi Million Dollars
houses of celebrities over there! Fort Lauderdale and Florida
in general is a beautiful place but there's only one problem with
it! It is humid like hell! The climate is Hot and Humid Tropical
Climate, meaning that you will sweat your shorts off every day,
and you must take 3 showers a day not to stink! The weather is
so humid that you can't breathe unless you are from Abadan (South
Iran) and you are used to this type of weather on the Persian
Gulf! But for someone like myself who lives in San Diego with
a type of weather like Caspian Sea Shores (North Iran) or South
of France, there is a null chance in hell that I can live in Florida!
There are climates of Hot and Dry like Desert Climate and then
there are climates of Hot and Humid like Tropical Climates, but
where I prefer to live is Hot and Just right, like Mediterranean
Climate such as San Diego. Anyhow, we ended up in Renaissance
Hotel of Marriot and of course in swimming pool to survive Florida's
heat! Skinny Dipping in the pool and Jacuzzi would have been awesome,
yet we did not want to get arrested before we start our cruise!
So I was sitting in my hotel room and reminiscing with Haji Kuchikeh
about how once we were so young and passionate that Blondie and
Brunettey barged in and informed me that it's time to leave.
usual immature behavior at the customs talking about Bombs while
waiting in line for our luggage to get cleared, we moved on down
towards the cruise liner.
you act like an imbecile at all times?
X: It's in the blood!
Brunettey: It's his nature, you know?
Bl: But people get arrested for talking Shiite like that at the
airport or seaport these days!
Br: Ye, it's so immature but then you know him, don't you?
Bl: Yes, the crazy man, I forgot!
X: Ladies paleese, if I wanted to hear nagging, I would have stayed
in San Diego and dropped at my Mom's House!
Bl: Animal, .........
So we jumped
on Caribbean Cruise Line, Norwegian Ship named "Monarch of
the Sea" after the Norwegian Imperial Family and into our
Cabins. I remembered that I always wanted to stay in a ship cabin
with a little round window to view the sea from it! I got this
idea since I used to watch Tintin Cartoons while Captain Haddock
the old seaman was often in these types of cabins, yet now that
I was actually in one, I saw how small were they and how claustrophobic
was the shower and bathroom! I am used to huge bathrooms and Spa
Bathtubs, I like bathrooms size of a living room, I could settle
for large hotel bathrooms with TV, Phone, and Jet Tubs in them
but not this! This was a vertical coffin and I felt that the walls
were moving closer towards me to crush my skull! How can you take
a shower while half of your butt is hanging out of the curtain?!
Especially for a 6' 3" tall man like me, that was hell! Cruise
Liners are great and fun, but I am too claustrophobic for them
Barbie doll cabins and showers! Dang, and no bubble baths either!
But I have to admit that unexpectedly, the water pressure was
strong, and not puny like some hotel rooms due to saving water
So I went
out for a walk on the deck while I saw the pictures of His Majesty
King Harald V and Her Majesty Queen Sonja on the walls of the
ship's 11th floor on my way to the 14th floor, and I was looking
at Norwegian Monarchs while suddenly a ship officer greeted me
and asked me if I find Norwegian Imperial Family interesting?
I went like: this is all fine with Imperial colorful dresses and
glory, yet I'm still showering in a vertical coffin, you know?
And he went like, much apologies sir, but all Cruise liners' bathrooms
are like that, there's not enough room to build a Luxury Jumbo
Bathroom for you! Smart mouth Norwegian Viking bastards making
smart ass remarks, I told myself! So I mumbled on and walked away
to the deck....
many things to do on the sea cruise, so many activities, 5 different
night clubs with five different styles of music, movies, Las Vegas
type of shows, outdoor live bands playing Reggae and Calypso all
day long, swimming pools, Jacuzzis, clubs, Bingo for old folks
and a Full Casino on the ship for the Gamblers and house wives!
Of course you can always lie there in the sun and roast your buns
to achieve the perfect sun tan like I tried to! As far as the
dining goes, there are all kinds of restaurants on the ship, buffet
type of a deal with a variety of food, formal gourmet restaurant
serving 3 meals, 24 hour Pizza and Hot Dog Parlor, Midnight snack
and orderves being served in all lounges and a full self service
buffet served all day between meals in the glass walls Deck restaurant
on the 12th floor of the ship! They make sure that you become
well fed, fat and juicy! But then again there's a Gym to sweat
it all off! The gym was nothing like the gyms I am used to, but
it would do. As usual, I spent some time in the gym eyeing the
buff girls and flirting with Aerobic Instructors, while the rich
old ladies were admiring my biceps, winking at me and pinching
that I was dining with consisted of a tall blonde from DC and
a short blonde from DC. They were both government employees working
in some government office in DC, then there were the Jew girls,
one a high school counselor from Boston and one an Art teacher
from New York, next there was the New Jersey Transit Authority
who was originally from Puerto Rico and then of course there were
the Blondie and Brunettey. There were a total of 8 people including
me who were dining together during dinners in the gourmet restaurants,
so eventually we got to mingle with each other during dinners,
but for rest of the days, we were separated and doing different
things. To tell you the truth, I was the only person in our crew
who found the complete variety of food horrible! Everyone else
loved it or believed it was OK! I am a very picky eater and used
to best of the best and the ship's food just wouldn't do! I guess
I am spoiled!
Pyramid at Cozumel, Mexico
idea of going to Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico, was to see the Maya
Ruins. As you know, my interest lies in history and archeology.
One civilization that I do have much information about, yet never
had a chance to observe its environment was Maya Culture of Mexico.
Maya Civilization was made up of City-States, kind of like Shush
(Susa) City-State Civilization of Iran going back 8000 years.
But Maya City States did not go back as old as Shush (Susa). Mayans
lived in south-east part of Mexico at Yucatan Peninsula, Guatemala,
Honduras, and Belize. Later on when Aztecs made an Empire, they
took over the Maya Culture/territory. Maya, Olmec, and Aztec were
the Central America's Indian Civilizations. You must distinguish
that Central America's Indian Civilizations such as Maya and South
Americas Indian Civilizations such as Incas of Peru, were highly
evolved civilizations, specifically in astronomy, mathematics,
natural science, natural medicine, etc. However, the North America's
Indian Tribes were nowhere as civilized as Central and South America's
Indians. North American Tribes lived a tribal life in tents and
the most sophisticated they came were the Pueblo Indians of New
Mexico State in USA! At least Pueblos were steady and not nomadic
and on the move, like other North American Tribes such as Sue,
Apache, Navaho, Mohawks and Cheyenne were. Pueblos built cities
yet primitive ones. So I always wanted to see the Maya Civilization
up close, and where to go but the center of Maya Culture, The
Yucatan Peninsula where the cultural city and the heart of Maya
Civilization rests, the ancient city of Tulum in Yucatan.
Pyramid at Tulum, Yucatan, Mexico
The ship anchored
near the shores, we jumped into the ferry and onto the Yucatan.
We dropped by the beautiful vacation Island of Cozumel where all
the tourists were hanging, yet I had other plans in mind, so out
to Yucatan Deserts and Jungles we went in search of Ancient City
Damn you Doc, couldn't we at least take a swim at Cozumel where
Blondie: No way, that's not like him! We had to leave Cozumel
Beach/Resorts and into the middle of nowhere!
Br: Not even a lousy sun tan! couldn't we stay a while in Cozumel?
Bl: Of Course not, he has to drag us in the middle of Mexican
Jungles to see some ran down cockamamie ruins of some dead culture
from a thousand years ago!
Br: When we go back, they gonna wonder how come I don't have a
Bl: Oh and you must tell them about how Doc avoided us to go to
the beach and dragged us into the Mexican Deserts to see Maya
Pyramids, and that's if we even get there! Maybe Bandits will
get us first, rob us and kill us, thanks to Doc!
Br: Is this a vacation or work? Why do we have to walk a miles
in this jungle full of Mosquitoes biting all over our bodies in
the middle of nowhere?
Bl: What makes you think we are in vacation? Life with Doc, no
time for vacation! If the Mosquitoes don't poison us, these giant
spiders will, and if they don't, then the Mexican Banditos will
Br: You aren't serious are you?
Bl: Just wait and see Darling, just wait...... a vacation with
Doc is like running a mission as a CIA Spy to Libyan Deserts in
search of Muammar Gaddafi! God Damn Doc!
Br: But this is a vacation!
Bl: No, this is a survival test, planned by Doc!
Br: Doc, When you said let's take a cruise, I didn't know I end
up in Jungles of Mexico with Poison Ivy and Mosquitoes!
Bl: Well, you learn a thing or two, everyday with Doc, he is full
X: Ladies, ladies, paleese, you are breaking my concentration
to navigate! I am trying to reach the main alter of the main pyramid
in Tulum. Will you remain silent for a second?
Br: The hell with that!
Bl: I have a feeling, we will be silenced by the hands of local
Maya Oriental Assassins, very soon dear....
Br: Oh don't say that..... I hate you Doc, can we go back to San
And we walked
along the pyramids, alters and Maya Ruins. Amazing architecture
and scientific knowledge of these people back in those times!
This is why many historians and Scientists firmly believe that
Earth was visited by aliens and they are the ones responsible
for architecture of Egyptian, Aztec, Maya Pyramids, Crop Circles
of Central Mexico and South America, also cave paintings of Astronauts
in Mesopotamia! How else could the non hi-tech cultures of those
eras built, invented and labored all these wonders?! Aliens must
have been involved! I go further than that and I even claim that
we are the results of an Alien Experiment. We are ants in an ant
farm (Earth), a genetic experiment by Aliens to see how far we
can evolve! We are a genetic mix of the Earth Primates and Alien
Beings! At least, I must say that this is one of my strong theories
after years of study and experiment. Aliens have been watching
us, experimenting and observing us for centuries and millenniums.
So to put it in a mild manner, our dads were Little Green Aliens
and our Moms were little Monkeys, mated together and little big
human beings like us got created but we are too selfish to accept
this, so we created God, Heaven and Hell, Prophets and Saints,
also other Bull Shiite to satisfy our Egos that everything will
not end here, there will be an afterlife, a judgment day, and
we will join our Father in heaven and other Crap ala Carte.....!
Maya Tulum Castle on the shores of Yucatan
of Tulum was interesting but not as interesting as I thought!
Maybe next time, I should go to Mexico Central to observe Aztec
Ruins with much larger Pyramids! Next day we woke up in bed, our
bodies were full of Red Spots. We broke out in rashes, large moles,
poisoned and rashed by gigantic Mexican Mosquitoes! We scratched
and itched ourselves to non-stop bleeding! I have never heard
the end of it by the ladies! But we survived the archeological
Back to the
ship and off to the famous Grand Caymans we went.
here we come .... Next Page
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