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Chapter 2: Russia & Germany - X Diaries
 

X Diaries: Russian and Scandinavian Cruise
Chapter 2: Russia and Germany

Ahreeman X
September 30, 2019


Peterhof Palace, Saint Petersburg, Russia
Peter the Great and Catherine the Great ruled from Peterhof
One of the largest and most luxurious of the classic palaces in the world

Russia At Last

At last, we were on our way to Russia. The moment of truth which we were waiting for! It was surely exciting to finally head to Russia. I wanted to see Russia since I was a little kid. We were heading to Saint Petersburgh, the most cultural city in Russia and the second most populated city in the country. Finally, we landed and we were ready for our Russian adventures.

Interesting People We Met

We met some very interesting people throughout our cruise. We have met a family from Orange County, California who were world travelers. Grand maw, grand paw and 2 grandsons who were always travelling together. These guys were not old but they were older. They were a typical filthy rich yahoos who were not intellectuals but they were well educated about the world. They were always lush because they drank like fish! They were good people. Then we met James and Susie. James from Australia and Susie from Japan were a couple who met in Japan, lived in Japan and now living in Australia. The Aussie guy was a merchant seaman and the Jap girl was a school teacher. Both were Martial Artists and Karate Experts. That is why we started mingling because I’m a Kung Fu Master.


Church of Savior on Blood, Saint Petersburg, Russia
One of the many beautiful architectural Russian construction masterpieces

Aussie was inquiring on why I had chosen to study Kung Fu? Because it is the deadliest branch of Martial Arts, I replied! Besides, it is good for meditation, self-empowerment and it is all about the philosophy of it … then they revealed that they are also into Martial Arts.

Every time we dined in excursions, automatically they were serving booze on the tables. Each person would get a couple of drinks with the meal. Champagne glass and wine glass (Sweden), wine glass and vodka shot (Finland), vodka shot and wine glass (Russia), beer mug and wine glass (Germany) and so on. We often sat with these guys and we always handed them our drinks (6 glasses of drinks) because the three of us do not drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes or do drugs. We are drug free! So, these people were drunks to begin with but once dining with us, they would become loaded because we handed them 6 extra complimentary drinks!

And then in Russia we met Kentucky Bob! What a character was this guy! Kentucky Bob was travelling with Debbie his wife. The five of us were dining in a restaurant when the conversation started about the geography. Me, being a geography and history buff, stated to Bob that you can practically hand me any country in the world and I would give you the capital, important city, climate, location, neighbors and politics. Blondie told me in Persian that do not chit chat with these Rednecks because they are not really the sophisticated type and a political argument may break! After we got to know them, I told Blondie to never judge a book by its cover!

Bob started testing me and to my surprise, he gave me some hard ones like some small countries in Africa and Middle of Europe such as San Marino, Andorra, Liechtenstein, Eswatini and Lesotho! I, even got stuck in some of them but he had the answers. Then he started to really going trivial and ask technical geographical questions from me! Brunettey got involved and Bob asked her some. Brunettey was pretty good. After the questionnaires and geography faceoffs, people sitting around us were all staring at us and spying on us. Everyone found this conversation intriguing! I asked Bob, how is it that he is so savvy with geography? He said that he was studying the atlas with his elementary school granddaughter and he learned geography along with her! Bob asked Brunettey on how is it that she knows a lot about geography and she told him that she learned it from me. Bob told me that I trained her well.

After shoving our 6 extra drinks down their throats, Bob got light headed and started singing like a bird. He started talking about the time hitchhiking behind the Iron Curtain at his youth! We had a long conversation and it got all over the world. Bob and I met a few times, dined a few times and had lengthy conversations. At a large specialty gift shop, I found Bob, making a deal with the manager and purchasing a replica of a limited-edition large Fabergé egg. He was buying a very expensive piece for half a price!

Once I was chatting with Bob at the dining table on the ship and he told me that he had never met somebody who actually knew the capital of Kentucky and its neighbors! I told him that not many Americans know anything about geography, history and world affairs. Bob told me that one in ten million would know the info which I handed him. Bob said, make sure that you look me up when in Kentucky, I am Farmer Bob from Kentucky. Bob said:

B: Can I ask you something?
X: Shoot?
B: What do you do?
X: I’m a writer and a journalist …
B: Where?
X: I publish the largest Iranian website in the world …
B: That is why you aced it on the Iran geographical info, that’s not fair, you cheated …
X: But you did not only hand me Iran, you also gave me Iraq, Saudi, Algeria, Kongo, Indonesia and much more …
 B: True …. You really know this stuff.
X: Can I ask you something?
B: Shoot?
X: I told you why I know this stuff but you replied to me some nonsense when I asked you the same question!
B: I studied it with my granddaughter back in farm …
X: Yes, I forgot, you are Farmer Bob from Kentucky!

We met many other people but these guys were the interesting ones. So many old farts were in this cruise because only rich old farts could afford this type of cruise ship! Everywhere I went, old farts surrounded me and killed me with questions! Nosy Old farts everywhere! American old farts were the nosiest and consisted the greatest number amongst the passengers.

International Incident Waiting to Happen!

Through my travels, often a peculiar episode occurs which could turn to an International Incident Waiting to Happen! These international episodes always happen to me and always by accident! So, I was waiting for one to happen on the ship because I have a history of cruise ship episodes happening to me (check other X Diaries). To my surprise nothing happened in the ship but this time, it happened in Russia!

FSB Episode

FSB (Federal'naya Sluzhba Bezopasnosti) AKA Federal Security Bureau is the new Russian Federation Security Service which inherited the legacy of KGB. I know people in FSB, actually I know people everywhere!

So, the 7 of us were dining in a prestigious Russian Cabaret Restaurant, watching the Russian song and dance show by the Russian Matryoshka dolls and band. There was this Russian girl from the ship crew who also was watching over us and insisted to dance with me.

Suddenly a gentleman in dark suit and tie wearing a felt hat, along with his two sidekicks (Big Guys) approached me and whispered something in my ear. I turned around and told the girls that not to worry, I will go with this gentleman from the Russian Cultural Institute and I will be back later. I will join everyone later.

We went to a room at the back which looked like the room was built for situations like this! I told myself “Her we go”! It was too good to be true that this trip would end without any episode! This is the conversation which occurred in the room:

Strange Man: Good evening Mr. …
Ahreeman X: Good evening sir …
S: I am …
X: Nice to meet you sir
S: Let’s cut through the chase, I know who you are …
X: And I imagine you are FSB …
S: No, Russian Cultural Institute …
X: Yes indeed …
(2 big guys were standing behind me while the Strange Man was sitting in front of me on a crossing chair and interrogating me.)
S: As you know, Saint Petersburgh is the tourist destination for many world travelers …
X: Indeed
S: During your 2 days in Russia, you will notice a number of Iranian tours with distinguished guests and clients from the Iranian business sector and government officials are amongst the tour clients …
X: No doubt
S: We do not want anything to happen to them
X: What could happen to them?!
S: Please do not insult my intelligence
X: I would not dare
S: You are an international trouble maker
X: Me?!
S: Where ever you go, trouble follows. We care about the safety of our guests from Islamic Republic of Iran …
X: I’m being honest with you, I’m here for vacation
S: And I’m a nice artist from the cultural institute!
X: I didn’t know that you’re an artist!
S: A comedian, ha? Do you know what we do with comedians in Russia?
X: I do not desire to know!
S: What are you and your fellow saboteurs doing here?
X: Fellow Saboteurs?! We are peaceful travelers …
S: How come your fellow travelers are all having a history?
X: History?!
S: Do you think we are fools?
X: I would not dare to think so
S: Listen Mr. …, this is not America and as an American Citizen, you have no rights here. If I desire, I can put you and your colleagues all in a lovely Russian prison for weeks, months or maybe years …
X: But why on earth would you do such act?
S: You Americans think you own the world and you are protectors of freedom and democracy. Do you want for me to show you some democracy, Russian style?
X: Sir, honestly, I have no colleagues, but we are only tourists dining together …
(He cut me off violently and jumped all over me …)
S: We know all about you and your colleagues
X: what colleagues?
S: The blonde sitting next to your right, builds fighter jets for the US Navy
X: Blondie? No, she builds commercial planes, she is an aerospace engineering director!
S: The girl sitting next to you on the left, is a hacker
X: Brunettey? Na, she is a computer enthusiast!
S: The man sitting in front of you on the table is an Ex Merc Commando
X: Aussie James? No way, he is a peaceful seaman!
S: The Japanese woman next to him is a security, maybe a contract assassin
X: Susie Q? C’mon, Sake Susie is a school teacher!
S: The big guy with beady eyes behind glasses is Ex-CIA Field Operative
X: Farmer Bob? That’s good old Kentucky Bob (I knew it, I told myself)!
S: The woman next to him is an Ex-CIA Admin
X: Debby Joe the homemaker? Now for sure she is a housewife!
S: What are you plotting here on the Russian soil?
X: Sightseeing …
S: I see that I’m not getting through to you, so maybe we move this in to a session at the headquarter …
X: Sir, I assure you that I had no clue about these people’s past or present posts. I only am a simple tourist who happens to travel with these suspicious characters. It is purely accident and I give you my word that I shall not do anything besides tourism in Russia.
S: You’re damn right you will or else its Russian prison
X: We don’t want that to occur
S: Mr. … have you ever been in a Russian prison?
X: I did not have the pleasure and I want to keep it that way …
S: I know you Americans are taking us for fools and savages but try me?
X: I would not dare …
S: Mr. …, one wrong move and you will become history
X: Your wish is my command
S: I know you like history, so would you like to become a part of Russian history?
X: No sir, I am perfectly happy as a tourist!
S” Let’s keep it that way, for your sake …
X: I promise you sir …
S: You can go now
X: Yes sir

Back to the Cabaret I went and ate my meal quietly and watched the show in peace. After we went back to the ship, I informed the girls about the gentleman from the Russian Cultural Institute and also about the nature of our fellow travelers! Girls were surprised.

Next day during lunch at a fancy Russian restaurant, I had a talk with Bob:

B: Listen, don’t you get trouble from CIA and FBI about your site?
X: No, because I’m a Trumpist!
B: What does that mean?
X: Trump can handle the Deep State!
B: Well, back in the farm, we don’t know about these things but I reckon, things can get tough in the big city!
X: Back in the farm, where you learned to become a master in global geography and affairs?
B: Yeh, we got too much time on our hands … after hard work, we read a lot of …
X: Bob, don’t take me for a fool. No average American knows this stuff. I guessed it before, and now I know that you’re Ex-CIA.
B: Just a geography enthusiast (with smirk)!
X: A geography enthusiast hitchhiking behind the Iron Curtain during the Cold War.
B: And those were some cold days during the cold war nights!
X: Yep in East Berlin …
B: How did you know I visited East Berlin as a tourist?
X: The same way that I just visited Sweden as a tourist!

We parted while both smiling to each other …

Russian Palaces

Before this trip, I had no idea that the Russian Palaces literally top all European palaces including the German, Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, British and even French Palaces. I would say that the Russian Palaces are the gold of the palaces.

In this trip we had seen so many palaces at the Saint Petersburgh and the vicinity. Peterhof (Peter’s Court) Palace of Peter the Great, Yusopov Palace (Moika Palace) of Felix Yusopov who killed Rasputin, Summer Palace of Peter the Great, Winter Palace of Peter the Great, Catherine I Palace at Pushkin, Alexander Palace of Catherine the Great (Catherine II) at Tsarskoye Selo, Marble Palace of Catherine the Great and more. Russian Palaces are symbols of true luxury and wealth. You have no clue how rich was the Russian Empire until you see these palaces, mostly loaded with classic furniture and the structures restored to perfection. Russian Palaces make the top European Palaces look like cheap dumps!

At Peterhof Palace, we were entertained by actors playing Catherine the Great, her boyfriend and her court minister. We also enjoyed a superb Classical Music Concerto by a String Russian Orchestra while we were served champagne and hors d'oeuvre. Of course, I gave my champagne to others. Russians sure know how to entertain the guests luxuriously.

At Peterhof Palace, we also seen a tour from IRI. When the tour guide lady was ready to take off, she called the tour: “Lotfan Harekat” (lets move). I remembered what the gentleman from the Russian Cultural Institute warned me about, so I stayed away from this particular tour!

Peterhof Palace is one of the most super luxurious palaces which I have ever seen around the world. The many building structures, massive gardens, gigantic pool connected to the canal and the gold construction material used all over the place are magnificent. Imagine how time flies. At one point, Catherine ruled from here and now I was walking where she used to stroll! Her spirit was still roaming around there!

In 2 days at Russia, we had covered so many places, monuments, palaces, museums, churches, parks and walked for so long that I literally died! At night, we would drop dead in our cabin! We went to Saint Petersburgh and towns south, north, east and west of the city. I searched many shops and all I found was ceramic miniature monuments of Saint Petersburgh. There was no metal mini structure, so reluctantly, we had to purchase a few.

They were selling top quality t shirts of all visited cities at the ship, duty free for $ 10 each! Cheaper quality t shirts were sold in town for double price! Best t shirts we found were sold by Regal Princess (their brand). It was quite an experience to see the famous capital of the Russian Empire and its vicinity. Our tour guide was actually a history professor which was doing this as his summer job!

In Russia our tour guide took us on the tours with the bus and with the boat. I liked the luxury boat trip on the river and canals where you could see all the palaces, buildings and the city. These were the areas which we would not cover visiting, so we could see them from far. Of course, we went visiting a good number of cities, palaces, churches and a museum. The museum which was filled with wealth, antique and gold artifacts, even from Iran! Russia was super fun. Next, to Estonia we went.

Estonia

Tallinn was lucky because Princess Cruise had made a deal with them to stop on the way and give them so much business. Many cruise liners would stop at Tallinn and this would bring them a great number of tourists which means wealth. On the tour of Tallinn, everything that the Russian Tour Guide told the travelers, the Estonian tour guide told the opposite! Same episode in Finland and Sweden! Swedes were always at war with Russia and naturally Finland and Estonia were battle grounds, swapped between them. Mostly all the Baltic States and Finland still carry the grudge against the Russian Empire and USSR for decades of occupation, indoctrination and Russian Supremacy.

After seeing the Russian churches, palaces and museums, Tallinn tourist attractions looked like village barns!

This little country barely had anything to see but it was a cute little land. The streets, same as many other European nations were made of old small pavers and rocks which are hard to walk on, even hard to drive on. Unless you are a local, you can break your ankle walking up and down the Estonian uphill and downhill streets!

Germany

We took a day on the Baltic Sea, resting our aching feet and bones around the ship, so we could revive for Germany. We landed on Warnemunde port near Rostock at north east of Germany.  From there, we took a train to Berlin and then tour bus around Berlin.

When I Was a kid, I spoke pretty fluent German. A fourth of my family (mother’s side) are German. My great grandmother was born there, my cousins are German and my mother is a German graduate. The reason that I used to speak good German was due to practice with the family in Iran. Now in America, I have no one to practice with. Long time ago, I had a German girl to practice with but not now. When you don’t practice a language, you forget it. So now, if I conduct a conversation in German, my grammar and sentence structure will not be good.

The funny thing is that as soon I entered Germany, it all came back to me! On the train, I started speaking German with the tour conductor girl. She was impressed and we were chit chatting.

I was under the impression that all the passengers board on the ship in Copenhagen (beginning of the cruise) and they will depart back in Copenhagen (end of the cruise). People got off and got on the ship in every stop! I was wrong. I guess not everyone (except Americans) was travelling the whole cruise! There were people who were just with us through one or two country.

German Girls on the Train

A couple of German Blondes must have gotten on board in Warnemunde because they were now on the train to Berlin. Blondie and Brunettey went roaming around the train and I was relaxing while the conductor girl came by and served us drinks and snacks. There was a pot of coffee with cups already on the small table at our fronting 4 seat area. There were boxed water cartons too! Even the water comes in paper cartons in Europe! They are really cutting down on plastic straws, plastic bottles and plastic everything! I wonder what the German girls use for dildoes? You cannot exactly use paper dildoes because they won’t be sturdy and will not maintain their firm shape after each usage! I was wondering if I should have asked our conductor girl about that?!

Suddenly the two German Blondes in tight jeans walked towards me. I spoke German with them. They were impressed with my German and were asking me questions. They told me to go and sit with them, so we could talk. It would not be polite to refuse the ladies and deny them my company; therefore, I moved on to their 4-seat area. We were chatting and laughing. They were very friendly and touchy feely. One of them had her hand around my shoulder and the other one on my leg while laughing out loud. They were having a good conversation while I was practicing my German … until Blondie and Brunettey showed up:

Blondie: Really?
Brunettey: We really cannot leave you alone for a second!
Blondie: Excuse me, we have business with him (while pulling my hand and taking me away)
Brunettey: You have to excuse him; he doesn’t get out much (while shoving me into our area)
Bl: Move on and come talk to us …
X: We were just talking …
(German girls were smiling and waving Bye Bye to me)
Br: Their hands were all over you!
X: People are friendly here
Bl: People maybe friendly but you are flirting with everyone
Br: You flirt with waitress, conductor, room service, clerk, even the bell boy!
Bl: You even flirt with old men!
X: What the FAQ, I’m not gay!
Bl: Yeh but you can’t help yourself!
X: It is called socializing. Don’t you guys say I need to socialize more? I am trying to socialize and be sociable …
Bl: Well socialize with us and don’t be a slut
Br: Yeh, you’re a male slut
X: God …. People cannot even socialize here!
Bl: Slut
X: Don’t be such fanatics in the 21sth century …
Br: Don’t be such a slut all your life!
X: But haven’t you heard, its Zeroes, everything goes?

Final Sexual Solution for the 21st Century, Decade Zeros (2000s)

And I was rudely dragged away from a beautiful innocent conversation!

We visited Brandenburg Gate, Checkpoint Charlie, Allied Museum, Berlin Wall (what’s left of it) and various monuments. We went to a traditional German restaurant and had traditional German sausages with sauerkraut. Then we went for a walk and shopping. I finally found a miniature replica monument of the Brandenburg Gate, at last I found metal!

Before I went for the cruise, I told the girls that I simply must do the Nazi Salute and Sieg Heil while singing the Nazi Germany’s National Anthem in Germany! I mean we are going all the way to Germany so we must do a tribute to the Fuhrer (with a smirk)! They said you better not!

We were in the middle of a Berlin square when I actually done a Nazi Salute, said a Sieg Heil and started singing the anthem:

“Deutschland, Deutschland über alles,
Über alles in der Welt, …”
(Germany, Germany above all,
Above all in the world, …)

Blondie: Shut the FAQ up!
Brunettey: I can’t believe you!
Bl: We will get arrested …
Br: It is illegal here …
X: Relax, it’s only a song …
Bl: Germans are depressed people. Still, they are apologizing for WWII …
X: Maybe they should stop apologizing …
Br: Germans are very sensitive about this issue …
X: Its just a tribute to Fuhrer …
Bl: you are a goddam Nazi
X: No, I’m not …
Br: You think this is funny?
X: I’m not a Nazi, I’m a National Populist, I hate the Establishment. I cannot stand the PC Green Europe. Whatever the global Establishment says, I do the opposite ..
Bl: Germans are still sorry for …
X: Never be sorry, Trump is never sorry, he never apologizes, unlike that Baboon, that Jigaboo (Obama) who went around the world on an apology tour and apologized for America and being American …
Bl: It called humanity and human behavior (Blondie is a flaming liberal feminist)
X: I never apologize and I always rebel against the establishment. If I want to sing this song, then I will and with no apology, only to piss off the PC Police …
Bl: You are a racist, sexist, xenophobe, …
X: Yeh yeh, homophobe, misogynist, Schlong-o-phobe, Shoombool-o-phobe …
Bl: Oh shut up, we can’t take you anywhere … Your place is nowhere … you make embarrassment …
X: Gosh, just an innocent song!
Br: OK enough, let’s enjoy the scenery and shut up about the politics before I walk away …
X: Shut up (shut up) about politics
Ain't nothing but a big pile of dirty tricks
I'm tired of all the fighting and the bitching fits
So shut up (shut up) about politics
(John Rich Country Song)
Bl: Oh, Shut Up clown, nothing is serious to you …
Br: OK back to the tour, everyone shut up and enjoy the tour

At Reichstag

During this trip, off and on, I was wearing American Patriotic Scenery T shirts from various places which I had traveled. For instance, despite the controversial nature and the hostile climate, unlike others who hidden their American nationality, I wore T shirts to scream my nationality out loud! I wore some fine T shirts with Mount Rushmore, South Dakota graphics and US Flag both on the back and front in Russia!

Then I wore this T shirt from the 77th Anniversary of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally at South Dakota on 2017 with Uncle Sam on the Harley Davidson Bike and the US Flag graphics on the front and back in Germany. Every year, all the old bikers like Sarah Palin, gather at the Sturgis to rally. Never miss the Sturgis Rally (unless you are busy). All the good old boys and gals, all the biker dudes and biker chicks come on down. I often make my grand entrance in town, dressed head to toe in black leather (Marlon Brando Style in The Wild One)!

Sarah Palin Endorses Donald Trump for President – Part 2: Gallery

Eye-Rainian and Iranian! - Chapter 1: Eye-Rainian Roots + Biker Chicks Photo Gallery

When standing outside the fences of the park around the Reichstag (German Parliament), a couple approached me.  The guy (a ship passenger) asked me:

Frenchie: Are you from South Dakota?
X: Nope
F: Are you American?
X: Yup
F: Where are you from?
X: Finest City in the world
F: Where is that?
X: San Diego
F: I been there many times, about 15 times.
X: Really (Must be on business, thought to myself)!
F: Not much to see there. Its just the same weather, always in the 70s (Fahrenheit Degree) …
X: Where are you from?
F: Canada
X: City?
F: Montreal
X I see (That’s why they were speaking French on the bus, God damn arrogant French Canadians, that’s how French are, I told myself)!
F: Yeh
X: Let me tell you something, hypothetically, if you visit San Diego and for one straight month, every day you get up at 7 AM to go sightseeing until 7 PM, you will not be able to cover seeing all the attractions in San Diego.
F: But I been there 15 times …
X: Maybe you did not see the sites or you did not know where to go, vacation and business are different …
F: Sea World, Balboa Park, Zoo …
X: Those are main tourist sites but there is much more to see and places to go in San Diego.
F: Maybe I don’t know them …
X: Maybe …

When we were getting back on the bus, he approached me but his wife quietly whispered something in his ears (maybe she said let go and avoid conflict). He said:

F: I didn’t mean to insult you …
X: I’m not insulted and I’m not arguing with you. I’m just surprised because you are the first person who ever told me that there is nothing to see in San Diego!
F: I didn’t want …
X: I travel a lot and everywhere I go around the world, when people ask me that where am I from, and I say San Diego, they say we love San Diego, we wish we could visit San Diego, we would love to live there …
F: I didn’t mean …
X: San Diego is one of the main Tourist Destination in the world, so I am just surprised!
(This made Frenchie to get more pissed!)

Later on, I told the story to Blondie:

X: Can you believe some French Buzineh (Baboon) was telling me …
Bl: You’re just obsessed with San Diego
X: May I ask why is it that you live there?
Bl: Because it’s the finest city in the …
X: You are a damn hypocrite!

Once we got back to USA and SD, in one of my parties, I told the story to Derissi (Famous Persian Painter):

X: Can you believe the French arrogance?
Derissi: That’s how French are …
X: I mean everyone who is anybody in America, has a villa in San Diego ..,.
D: They know better …
X: then why talk Shiite?
D: Because they can’t afford to live here, so they put it down.
X: Them Gusaleh (Cow Calves)
D: It is called Jealousy …

A Day at Derissi Art Studio – Gallery

Back on the bus, back on the train and back on the ship. One day of relaxation and recuperation and then Norway.

Norway

Oslo is a sleepy town, nothing exciting like Paris! We took a tour of the city. We visited the Viking Museum, sites and shopping. Blondie found a miniature metal replica of a historic Viking Ship, the same as the real Lifesize ones we saw in the museum. The Viking Museum in Oslo was much better than the one in Stockholm and the gifts were also better quality. Blondie bought some souvenirs.

Back to Denmark

One day on the ship back to the Copenhagen, it was our last night. During this trip, we had a number of great servers. There was this Filipino cabin boy who was in charge of cleaning 16 cabins including ours. He was cleaning the cabin twice a day and make sure the maintenance is upbeat. He was a one man show, replacing light bulbs, cleaning drains, minor plumbing, cleaning and making sure that every evening, after coming back from excursions, I would have my ice bucket ready in the refrigerator. If I don’t get my ice, I get bitchy! I live on ice and Europeans don’t even use ice!

The Crew

The Cabin boy was doing a great job and one day he was telling me that going around in shopping markets and bazaars around the world, he needs to keep safe, so I told him that I’ll teach you some martial arts and self-defense. He got so happy!

Being a Kung Fu Master, every evening when I saw him, I taught him a little thing. Eventually I wanted to show him some “Pressure Points”. Due to lack of time and always being on the run, I did not get a chance to do it but on the last night, he caught up with me in the corridor and I taught him some “Pressure Points”:

F: What are pressure points?
X: Do you see all of these guys like in the movies do all kinds of Bruce Lee jumps, theatrics and moves?
F: Yup
X: In Kung Fu, you don’t need all that. As a Master, you will learn “Pressure Points”. Kung Fu is all fingers. Some big guy will come at you doing all types of loud sounds and Bruce Lee moves but with one finger you can make his certain body parts numb, crippled or even kill him. Certain move, makes you gouge eye ball and then take it out! One little push on the jugular can kill in 5 seconds.
F: Wow (while I was showing him)
X: There are certain points on the body where the important connecting nerves are. You will learn all pressure points and you will learn how much pressure to apply for various goals. For example, on this pressure point (wrist nerve), a slight pressure can numb the opponent’s hand for 15 minutes, on the inner elbow, from the elbow down gets numb for 15 minutes, on the inner shoulder, it makes the whole hand numb for 15 minutes and on inner collar bone (Mr. Spock Vulcan Nerve Pinch) can knock them out. One finger on the cavity between the nose and eye or on the temple can give him a headache size of the Empire State and pressing for a longer time can cause permanent damage. One finger pressure on the jugular can kill in a few seconds.
F: Show me more?
X: OK come at me with 2 fists to punch me
F: Ok
X: Now I’ll do it in slow motion and I won’t actually do it but I just do it gently to teach you
F: OK (anxiously)
X: I hold your wrist with my 2 fingers (index and middle) like a clamp (to hold your fist) and with my thumb, I apply pressure under one of your closed fist cartilages under one of your knuckle bones, you must find the exact location. By practice, you can do this quick before the opponent punches you and knocks you out.
F: I see
X: Do you feel it?
F: Yes
X: If I press hard, your fist opens and your hand from wrist down goes numb for 15 minutes.
F: Wow I can feel it
X: If I grab both your fists quickly with my clamp fingers and numb them with my thumbs, I’ll cripple you for 15 minutes. Both your hands will temporarily become cripple, so I can beat the crap out of you …
F: Amazing, where can I read or learn all this information?
X: This is only Masters’ stuff, secrets of the trade
F: I am so glad that you are showing me all this stuff
X: Did you feel all the points?
F: Even though you didn’t press hard but I still felt little pain in all the points you showed me.
X: Just practice and never use it on fellow servers because you can damage them
F: I won’t
X: Write them down, practice them and memorize them in your brain
F: How long it takes for me to perform them quickly and operate them all?
X: Let’s say, I started at age 10 and I practiced all my life
F: Wow
X: Just take it slow and practice, also meditate and relax your soul, now, you will be calmer, more self-confident and know self defense
F: I don’t know how to thank you?
X: Just make sure my ice is always ready at the evening
F: for sure Master X

This cabin boy was a good server. There was also this Indian waiter who was a great server. He went hand and foot down to serve my every need. I asked him about their jobs on the ship and their lives. They like it when passengers consort with them, because many arrogant and rich passengers do not even speak with them. I enjoy speaking with the labor much more than speaking with the elite. I am pro-labor and a worker in heart.

From Homeless to Corporate Manager, My Life

Labor Day Special with Ahreeman X

They make much more on the ship than they would make in their poor countries. They got their agents and through agencies, they get jobs on the cruise ships. They work hard for 9 months 24/7 and then they get 3 months off for vacation, so they can go to their village or town. The company pays for airfares back and forth to the ship and ports. They work around the world in various ships. It is hard work but good and long vacations. They make good money in dollars and in their countries, that is a lot of money. They can never get jobs like this in their countries. The ship employees from the simple servers, cleaners, waiters, chefs up to officers and the captain are from around the world but the lower ranks are from places like India, Philippines, Indonesia, Ukraine, Romania and so on. The higher ranks are from Italy, Spain, Norway and so on.

The ship had 4,000 guests served by 1,250 ship crew. There are so many people working on a cruise ship this size. The cruise wants each cabin to pay $ 500 tip on the last night but it is up to you how much to pay.

X: How much tip are you going to pay?
Blondie: I wanna pay $ 250 or $ 300
Br: They suggest $ 500, screw that!
Blondie: What do you think I should pay?
X: I suggest you pay whatever you want, like $ 250 to the office and they distribute all the money between the employees. There are about 1,500 cabins. Figure 1,500 X 500 = $ 750,000. That is three fourth of a million dollar which goes to everyone. Now frankly, I don’t care much for the head waiters, managers, chefs and officers to get good tips. My concern is for the labor, the hard-working workers, especially the ones who take care of us. You pay your $ 250 to the office but then pay $ 50 cash to the cabin boy (Filipino Fellow) and $ 50 cash to the waiter on the pool deck (Indian Fellow), maybe another $ 50 to the girl in the buffet dining room who always gets your coffee and tea right (Ukrainian Gal). These are the people who matter, screw the management and officers!
Bl: Yes, they are deserving
Br: I agree
X: I’m with the workers. I’m always with the labor.

Home, Sweet Home

Walking outside on the glass-floor deck (you can see the ocean underneath you), getting some fresh cool sea air, I saw Bob:

B: Hey look, you’re walking on water like Jesus …
X: You’re hoot (laughing)
B: Hey Trumpist, did you do any Russian Collusion in Saint Petersburg?
X: Actually, the other night, I had a dream, more like a nightmare!
B: Tell me?
X: It involved Nancy Old Pussy (Nancy Pelosi) …
B: Now you really have to tell me (laughter)! Where there young girls involved too?
X: Just the Old Pussy (Pelosi)!
B: What the hell happened?
X: Nancy Old Pussy was prosecuting me and impeaching Haji Kuchike (Ahreemanic Schlong)!
B: I have never met anyone who given a name to his penis!
X: Don’t disrespect Haji Kuchike, he is a respected Muslim Haji (pilgrim to Mecca).
B: You are so twisted, so tell me?
X: Nancy accused me of some Russian Collusion and I told her as a joke that I, Haji Bozorge (Senior Pilgrim) didn’t do it but it was Haji Kuchike (Junior Pilgrim) which had done it, so impeach him!
B: then what?
X: Nancy went psycho, her Prozac was late, she was stuttering and making abnormal hand moves again!
B: you kill me (cracking up)
X: She approached me, took her dentures out and tried to French kiss me, but I dodged.
B: then what?
X: then she put back her dentures and went down for Haji Kuchike but not for a BJ, yet she wanted to cut it off!
B: Oh my God (Bob was almost rolling on the floor)!
X: Haji Kuchike was stunned and struggling for his livelihood!
B: Stop, please stop (laughing out loud)!
X: Nancy wanted to Discombobulate Haji! Her dentures were sharp like a vampire!
B: you’re sick …
X: Haji went gulp (choked) and stepped back to get away …
B: Then what?
X: then I woke up from this nightmare with cold sweat all over me!
B: Hahaha haha haaaaa ……………..
X: Don’t choke on it!
B: You are so politically incorrect. You should not be so Un PC!
X: If I’ll be PC, then I should close down my site (IPC)
B: So bad
X: When I step into the room, the Political Correctness goes out of the room!
B: you make me laugh so hard; you are hazardous for my health. At my age, I can get a heart attack laughing at your stories!
X: Relax Bob, don’t choke on it, take the bone out!
B: You are too much.
X: Well, we are at the end of the show
B: It was great meeting you, I really enjoyed consorting with you. If in my neck of the woods, look me up, write one of your famous articles and in my memory, refer to me as …
X: Kentucky Bob, I know …
B: Never forget the good old Kentucky Bob …
X: I shall never forget ….

Sex Change Operation by Dr. Haji Kuchike!

The good thing about the cruise is that you can travel anywhere and the cruise will take care of your visas. During the cruise, every time we went off and, on the ship, (different countries), we had to show our passports and sometimes our “Princess Badges” to the customs.

“Princess Badges” were electronic chip badges like necklace tied around your neck. You had to carry them everywhere as identification or as credit card to pay for whatever you purchase on the ship. When off the ship, you surely had to wear it so if you got lost, they would know who you are and from what cruise ship?!

Off the ship, off the sea port, on to airport and on to the plane we went back home. Another exhausting 14.5-hour flight (worst part of the trip) and then off the airport with the shuttle on to the parking lot and into my Mercedes Benz SUV. No place like home, the home sweet home.

Land of the Free and Home of the Brave

When I landed in USA, I literally kneeled on the ground, kissed the US Ground and then stood up and saluted the US flag waving. The public were staring at me, some with patriotic admiration (conservatives) and some with wide eyed and crooked mouth dislike (liberals)! I basically do not give a Flying Fandango. I said:

X: No place like USA (I do that every time I travel abroad especially overseas). San Diego, the greatest finest city in the finest state, in the finest country in the world, Amen!
Bl: OK stop making a scene, get up, get a hold of yourself, you are overreacting. ..
X: God Bless America, God Bless Donald J Trump
Bl: You are a hypocrite and an atheist, what are you saying Bozo?
X: Its tradition baby, it is our American Tradition …
Br: God, you must have really missed home
X: Home, no place like it. Love San Diego

Epilogue

Overseas, they have no clue on why the patriots wave the flag. Flag waving, wearing the flag pins on the suit collar, wearing flag t shirts, hanging flag on the wall, raising the flag on the pole and flag worshiping is something that they would never understand at overseas.

You see, it is not the flag that we hold dear, wave and worship, but it is what the flag stands for that we wave, hold dear and worship! This is something that Non-Americans and American Piss Ant Liberal Socialist Millennials or their America hating Marxist Professors would never understand!

Foreigners often say that we cannot believe on how Americans cherish their flag so much. They are correct. They do not have the same feelings that Americans have, towards their flags! Their flag means nothing to them because their flag is just a symbol of their birth or adopted country where they live. It is just another symbol, another place to live and another flag.

The Old Glory (US Flag) means everything to us. Patriots fought and died for freedom, human rights, equality, free speech, freedom of religion, individualism and free markets. They fought to get rid of the monarchy, oppression, colonialism, religious persecution, servitude and suffocation. On 1776, people had fought and died to create this most unique system of democracy and republic in the world. There is no other like it and the US Constitution is unique. There is a reason that people jump over each other’s heads and shoulders to come here. It is called true freedom to be all that you can be. You can literally become somebody great from being a nobody!

Many foreigners, Europeans, Liberals, Socialist Millennials, Iranian American Democrats and Iranian Liberals in general simply do not comprehend that. As Americans, they have no clue what sacrifices has been made to create this society and how important it is to keep this society as a free civilization with free markets, and free spirits. To them, this is just a place to live, the system is just another cow to milk, the flag is just another symbol and rag. They have no clue what it means to be an American, what an honor it is to be an American Citizen, what a privilege it is to be an American Patriot and how precious is the Old Glory!

Man learns a lot from travel. Man becomes experienced by the travel. Boy becomes a man by travel. Man gets educated by the travel but there is no place like home and home is where the heart is! The heart is free so it requires a Free Home. A truly Free Home.

Travel makes the man polished, but home is where the heart is and where you can live free.

This is why every time I come back from overseas, I kiss the ground of USA.

This is why I always wear and wave the Old Glory, the Holy US Flag.

This is why Patriots like us, will fight and die for this country.

To Become Free, to Live Free and to Die Free.

Yes, it is not overreaction but it is love for Freedom.

Ok that is enough patriotism. I am getting way too sentimental.

OK Kiddies, Popa Ahreeman gotta go. I gots places to ransack, people to torture and bones to crack! As long as Eye-Rainians are a herd of lazy buns slaves to Islam with Stockholm syndrome towards IRI, then someone gotta carry the torch! See ya in the funny pages. Hey,

Who loves ya babies?
Ahreeman indeed!
Who else?!

Let us end with a few quotes. Allow me to quote myself:

“Ask what America and the Old Glory means from the oppressed immigrant who went through Hell to become an American Citizen; ask not from the privileged lazy liberal millennial in the suburbs of what America and the Old Glory means!”
(Ahreeman X)

“The Further and Greater your Dreams are, the Further and Greater your Efforts will become.”
(Ahreeman X)

Ahreeman X Famous Persian Quotes

More power to the people

Amen!

Dr. X

Part 1: Scandinavia
Part 2: Russia and Germany
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