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Historically Accurate Review on 300, The Movie (2007)
 

300 Spartans, The Real Story!
A Historically Accurate Review on 300, The Movie (2007)
Ahreeman X
March 9, 2007

I was sitting in my office and pondering what should I write specifically for the Persian Cultural Month?

Persian Cultural Month

I came to the conclusion that the best piece that I can write to educate the public about the Persian Culture and expose the Hollywood spoofs at the same time, would be a piece about 300, The Movie! That is why I am going to tell you the true history of the 300 Spartans.

The movie comes out on March 9, 2007 (today) and I have not seen it yet (through special previews); however, I have seen the making of the movie, a program about the movie on the History channel, clips and trailers of the movie on the net and online writings about the movie. I have a strong feeling that this will be yet another Hollywood Bull Shiite Spoof!

Another Anti Persian, Hollywood spoof based on mythical Greek garbage tales of ancient Greek historians when 300 Spartans fought an army of 300,000 Persians and slaughtered a bunch of them (80,000 Persians) before they died in battle as Greek heroes with honor, Greek Style!

As a historian, this movie seems cartoonish and humorous to me!

300, The Hollywood Spoof

This new Hollywood spoof mixes up the new computer effects and animations to even make the spoof more appetizing for the children who love play video games and watch computer animations!

Hell, this new version is more like a Fantasy! It has Warriors riding on giant Rhinoceroses, mythical creatures, handsome brave Greek Warriors, handsome brave Greek King Leonidas and beautiful Queen Gorgo, Ugly Savage Persians, deranged Persian Immortals with scary masks and of course Xerxes portrayed as the usual Persian Barbarian Tyrant! Each Greek Warrior kills tens and hundreds of Persians before he dies bravely in the battle!


L. Hydarnes the Immortal Persian Commander
R. King Leonidas the Greek King of Sparta
300 Spartans (1962 version)


King Leonidas in battle - 300, The Movie (2007 version)


Greek well equipped and organized Hoplites similar to a sea of armors


King Leonidas and his Hoplites, very fierce Greek Warriors


Now look at the brave Greek Hoplite fighting 4 Rag Head Persian soldiers (2007 version)! Would someone please tell me why Persian troops look like Evil Ninjas with Rags on their heads?


The Uber Immortal
Brand new addition of Hollywood Historians
Uber Immortal is some kind of abomination or genetically engineered human-beast. Uber Immortal is very tall, gigantic, muscular, strong, beast-like, and in addition he has fangs! Persian Immortal Commanders often keep him in chains and well tamed, unless in battles, when they release him to mass slaughter the Greek Hoplites! Over here the Uber Immortal leashed and bonded before release! Now would someone please tell me exactly at what point in history, The Persian Empire experimented with Genetic Engineering to create an Aryan Master Race of Uber Immortals? Persians are simply portrayed as Nazis!


Wonderful and brave Greek Hoplites portrayed by Hollywood Historians!


Persian Immortal Commander
Check out the Evil mask helmet. Check out the Ninja uniform. Check out the black rag on his head. This guy looks more like a Japanese Ninja rather than a Persian Immortal Commander!


Uber Immortal is unleashed, unchained, ungagged and unbonded to swallow the Greek Hoplites alive! Dear Lordy Lordy Lord! I don't know which are more asinine, Greek Historians or Hollywood Historians? Both groups are famous for creating amazing fantasies out of their rectums! This reminds me of American Ku Klux Klan, Neo Nazis and Aryan Brotherhood who claim they are White Aryans! These illiterate morons do not have a shred of racial and anthropological knowledge! American White Supremacists are of the White "Anglo-Saxon" race and by no means they are Aryan! On the other hand mostly Northern Iranians are of the White "Aryan" Race. So these bozos call themselves Aryans, which are not, yet they call us Rag Heads whom we are the true white Aryans! These idiots still assume that we are Arabs! Typical Redneck illiterate Americans! What do you expect?


Now here are a group of Real Immortals. As you can see, they do not wear Ninja uniforms, Scary Japanese masks, white or black rags on their heads and they do not have fangs! They wear purple uniforms (official immortal color) and gold head coverings to protect them from desert sandstorms.


Persian Immortal Elites
Immortals were the elite units of the Imperial Persian Forces.

As I viewed the links below, I was truly surprised that unlike the 1962 version, this time Hollywood did not trash Artemisia (Commander of the Persian Navy) and portray her as a slut! The reason is that Artemisia was not even involved in this one! So Zack Snyder (God knows who the hell he is) directed this spoof. Gerald Butler plays Leonidas, Lena Heady plays Gorgo and Rodrigo Santoro plays Xerxes.


300 Spartans, the 1962 version poster

Originally Greek Historians used to create mythical lies about Greco-Persian Wars but now Hollywood does this task!

I have to admit the special effects and computer animation is great; however, this movie will not be remembered for its great acting performances and neither for any shred of historical value or reality. This movie is from a long line of fabricated garbage such as Alexander, 300 Spartans (1962 version) and other spoofs which came out of Hollywood.

Basically this is a computer animation, special effect, cockamamie warrior tale for children and other mindless morons to occupy a few hours of their time by watching this movie rather than playing video games, reading comic books or watching Scooby Dooby Doo! Of course you can also watch it only to have fun and pass time.

But I will not be surprised if some bozos would actually quote this movie as a historical document!

Please enjoy the latest Hollywood Spoof to glorify Greeks as fathers of the Western Civilization and trash Persians as Savage dogs! Another Hollywood garbage to undermine 8000 years of Iranian history, the mother civilization of the world! Please review and educate yourselves to 8000 years of Iranian History.

8000 Years of Iranian History

With the present US-Iran situation, this will be a great propaganda to warn the world about the threat of the New Persian Shiite Empire (IRI), same as the Old Persian Empire (Achaemenid)!

Personally I will not spend a dime on garbage like this. I will not go see the movie and I will not even buy or rent it when it comes out on DVD. I just wait till it comes on Cable Movie channels (Encore and such ….), thus this film same as Alexander and other Hollywood spoofs of the past has zero historical credibility and it is an insult to the Superior and dominating Persian Culture (in comparison to Greeks) and surely an insult to Iran and Iranians.

Frank Miller

This whole spoof started by Frank Miller in San Diego! He was a fan of the movie 300 Spartans (1962 version), so he grew up to write the new version. He wrote the graphic novel and comic books on Sin City, 300 and more. He made the adaptation of the comic books to the movies. As you can see, the technique, special effects, computer animation, scenery and imagery, and the filming style of Sin City and 300 are the same. It is a new style of graphics and filming. Actually I find it pretty cool and artistic. It is over dramatization of the story by use of the new technology.

300 is basically a comic book by Dark Horse Comics written by Frank Miller about the Battle of Thermopylae as his childhood favorite. So Frank Miller went on to create the new version of the movie and this guy Zack Snyder directed the spoof. Now the point is that neither Frank Miller nor Zack Snyder are historians and non of them worked with anyone worthy who can be considered as a historian. Together, they created a Hollywood spoof with a lot of cool special effects for kids and the brain drained to sell a lot of comic books, graphic novels, DVDs, video games, lunch boxes, action figures and other toys! However the historical value of this spoof is zilch! But what about the true history of Thermopylae? Let us review some real history.


Now this is the most hilarious episode in the new version of the 300.
L. King Leonidas of Sparta
R. Persian Messenger of Xerxes
Peter Mensah as the Persian Messenger! According to Hollywood Historians, the messenger was black! It is true that Persian Empire and Today's Iran consists of many races. Iran is a large country and we have White Aryans in north, Oriental Turkmen in northeast, Indians in southeast, Arab Hemites in southwest, Jewish Semites all around, mixed and dark races in south and central, and even Blacks in south; however, this does not change the historical fact that Xerxes' messenger to Leonidas was a white Aryan Persian! Over here the messenger becomes Black and Leonidas calls him "Persian"!


L. Black Persian Messenger
C. King Leonidas of Sparta
R. Queen Gorgo of Sparta


Leonidas kicks the Persian Messenger mercilessly in to the deep well and in to his demise.
Persian Messenger: In no place in the world is tradition to kill the messenger!
Leonidas: This is not the world, This is Sparta.
Persian soldiers standing on both sides of the messenger are held still by the Greek swords to not make a move while Leonidas kills the messenger. Check out the Square-looking Rags on Persian soldiers' heads (Hollywood style)!


Peter Mensah as the Persian Messenger falling in the well. Yes he is Black! Do you recall in Alexander Movie, Oliver Stone transformed the Persian Princess Roxanna to a black girl? Oliver Stone made Rosario Dawson (a Black Actress) to play Roxanna (a White Aryan Persian)! Now Zack Snyder and Frank Miller get Peter Mensah (a Black Actor) to play the Messenger (a White Aryan Persian)! Don't you just love history according to Hollyweird?

For more information check:

Famous Historical Perian women

The Real 300 - The True History

Thermopylae (480 BC) was only one battle amongst the many battles fought during the Greco-Persian Wars. Persian Empire was the sole super power in the world. 2/3 of Greek Peninsula were either Khashtaras (States), protectorates or Allies of the Persian Empire. Also Western Anatolia (today's west Turkey) which back then were consisting of Greek City States were all under the reign of Persian Empire. These Greek City States were also Khashtaras (states) of Iran. Note that Khashtaras is the English plural for Khashtara meaning state in ancient Persian.

Greeks of the Central and South Grecian Peninsula were agitating, sabotaging and interfering with the affairs of the Greek States under the reign of the Persian Empire. In other words, they were sabotaging the internal affairs of the Persian Empire; therefore, the Empire had to deal with them and use extreme force to teach these agitators a lesson. So we had Internal Greeks which were citizens of the Persian Empire and living in Greek States of the Persian Empire and then we had External Greeks which were independent but scattered City States outside the boundaries of the Persian Empire, yet always tried to cause rebellions and riots leading to separatism amongst the Greek States of the Persian Empire. So these agitators wanted to separate our Greek States from the main body of Iran.

External Greeks of the 5th Century BC were the same as today's External Azeris of External Azerbaijan, Kurds of External Kurdistan, Turkmen of External Turkmenistan, Arabs outside Khuzestan, and Baluchis outside Baluchistan whom are actively trying to separate our above states from the main body of Iran. These people had to be dealt with severely.

Many historians claim that Xerxes had burned down Athens and then in later years Alexandra De Grape had returned the favor and burned down Persepolis (one of Persian Empire's Capitals)! This is absolute falsification of history, because the External Greeks started it all by burning down Sardis, capital of Lydia Khashtara (state) of Persia. Lydia is the present Western Anatolia in Turkey. So Greeks started it all by burning down Sardis and Xerxes only returned the favor by burning down Athens (more power to him) and lastly Alexandra De Grape (Alexander The Great), in later years burned down Persepolis. As you see, we were only defending our Empire against the True Barbarians, Greeks! Of course Western and Greek Historians falsify the whole history and twist and turn and then mold the history into their desired fairy tales!

So basically Thermopylae (480 BC) was only one battle amongst the many battles fought during the Greco-Persian Wars. An alliance of Greek City States fought the Persian Imperial Army at the pass of Thermopylae in central Greece. Greeks were low in numbers and put up a good fight but by no means they were mythical as the Greek Historians expanded these myths!

Leonidas and Spartans blocked the Thermopylae Pass so the Imperial Persian Army could not pass. On the thrid day Ephialtes betrayed the Greeks revealing a mountain path which led behind the Greek lines. This act caused the elimination of the Greek army; however, King Leonidas and his 300 Spartans and 700 Thespian volunteers stayed behind to protect the pass. They knew it was a suicide mission but they held their position and secured the retreat of the remaining Greek force retreating the battlegrounds. Both Persians and Greeks had losses. Persians succeeded in taking the pass. The fierce resistance of Leonidas and Spartans bought Athens and other Greek States time to prepare for a naval battle, which would change the outcome of the war. Later on the Greek victory in the Battle of Salamis in addition with Sea Storm had caused the loss of many Persian navy vessels. Weather was surely against the Persian Fleet.

Kheshayar Shah (Xerxes) decided to go back to Asia, so he left Commander Marduniyeh (Mardonius) in charge of the European Army. Mardonius faced Greeks (Spartans and other City States) in battle for one last time. The Spartans and other Greeks assembled at full strength and defeated the Persians in the Battle of Plataea. So overall Persians had won some and lost some battles but they taught the Greek agitators a lesson to stay off of Persian Territory and stop agitating the Greek States of Iran. Persian Empire maintained keeping all her states and caused damage to External Greek Agitators.


Xerxes played by David Farrar in 1962 version of 300 Spartans directed by Rudolph Mate. At least in the 1962 version, Xerxes looked realistic and his clothes also looked realistic.


L. Artemisia
R. Xerxes
Emperor Xerxes (David Farrar) and Grand Admiral Artemisia (Anne Wakefield) during celebration, chats and flirtations in 300 Spartans (1962 version). Even though Commander in Chief of the Persian Navy (back then at Battle of Salamis, only a Navy Commander), the mighty Artemisia was portrayed as a slut, yet at least both Artemisia and Xerxes looked human and their costumes were pretty much accurate.


Now take a look at the 2007 version of Xerxes! Get a load o this!


Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) fully naked only wearing a speedo thong, boots and a cape! Xerxes has chains hanging all over his head, chest and body (representing his tyrannical and sadistic nature). Xerxes also has multiple piercing, needles, clips, ear rings, nose rings and chains hanging all over his face! By the way, when did Xerxes go bald?


Xerxes talking to Leonidas
Xerxes looks like a Gothic Hun from Attila's Hordes of Cannibals! They even gave Xerxes long and sharp black nails to make him look more like a beast. From where on earth did they dragged out this costume? Out of their rectums?


Xerxes and Leonidas
Doesn't Xerxes looks like a Barbarian Gypsy in S&M costume? Tell me what's most "Out There"? Wild Tales by Greek Historians or Off Shoot Tales by Hollywood Historians? These Persian costumes are so historically inaccurate and strange enough to make spinach grows on your privates!


L. Real Carving of Xerxes
R. Real Portrait of Xerxes


Xerxes on horse top
Now this is the true Xerxes. Do you see any ear rings, nose rings, tit rings, genital rings, piercing, needles, chains, leash, and leather speedo thong?!

Persians had heavy casualties but so did Greeks, and by no means the Greco-Persian Wars were such great victory for Greeks. Greeks managed to remain independent of Persian Empire, yet still as a number of separated and scattered city-states irrelevant in global politics of the time.

Herodot, Greek Historians and now Hollywood portrays these wars as Great Victories for Greek Brave Warriors and great defeats for Evil Ugly Persian Tyrants!

Greeks become Fathers of Democracy and Western Civilization but Persians become Evil Eastern Barbarian Tyrants!

The reality was that Persian Empire was the first "Federal Empire" in the world. Federalism Achaemenid Style was very primitive, yet the very first Federal Government in the globe. Internal affairs of the Persian Empire were conducted democratically and we had a federal system of government with all due respect to all Khashtaras (states) to control their own internal affairs. Persian States had absolute internal autonomy during the Achaemenid Empire. We invented the meaning of civilization and presented it to the world. 8000 years of Iranian civilization is the mother civilization of the globe.

Who were the Barbarians and who were the Civilized?

Persian Empire was ran so prosperously, which 2/3 of the Greek city-states in Anatolia (present Turkey) and Grecian Peninsula preferred to join the Empire as either states or protectorates. Economically, socially, politically and militaristically it was only logical and for their benefit to join the powerful Persian Empire rather than remain as a few scattered Greek city-states fighting amongst themselves. That was what the Greeks done for centuries: fighting amongst themselves and remaining as weak city-states! So 2/3 of the Greek city-states decided to change their fate. I do not call this action treason but I call it visionary and logical. Unlike Herodot, I do not call the people of these city-states "Puppets" but I call them valuable and equal citizens of the Persian Empire. Aristotle used to call Persians "Barbarians", but the reality was that the remainder 1/3 of the Independent Greeks were small and inferior elements in comparison to the sophisticated and superior Persians and Persian Empire which ruled the world.

Now, Hollywood portrays Xerxes as an egotistic tyrant, Persians as beasts and savage dogs! So in a way Hollywood and the West, demonizes the Persians and the Achaemenid Persian Empire in the same way that they are demonizing today's Persians and Iran.


Civilized Greeks - Hollywood Style
Theron and the civilized Greek councilmen


Half Beast Savage Xerxes - Hollywood Style
Barbaric animal-like Xerxes is screaming like a wounded wolf!

As I have mentioned, this is all fine and dandy, until some illiterate bozos actually quote spoofs like this as the Real History!

Greek Historians' Lies and Hollywood Lies

Originally and in ancient times, Greek Historians used to create mythical lies about Greco-Persian Wars but now Hollywood has taken over this task! Hollywood even does a better job falsifying the history, thanks to the new technology!


Portrait of Leonidas at Thermopylae, by Jacques-Louis David (1814)


King Leonidas (Richard Eagan) 1962


King Leonidas (Gerald Butler) 2007

Greek Historians' Exaggerated Lies

Herodot claimed that basically in the complete Greco-Persian Wars:

Greek Military Numbers were about
Spartans 300
Thespians 700
Mantineans 500
Tegeans 500
Corinthians 400
Thebans 400
Phlians 200
Mycenaeans 80
Opuntians 13
Phocians 1,000
Arcadians 1,120
Etc.
Total of over 27,000

And of course,

Persian Military Numbers were about
Imperial Infantry 1,700,000
Imperial Cavalry 80,000
Imperial Navy 517,610
Arabs, Africans, Indians and Pakis 20,000
Greek "Puppets" 324,000
Etc.
Total of over 2,700,000

Notice how over 25 thousand brave Greeks fought over 2.5 million ugly Persians plus their puppet Greek traitor allies plus their African and Asian Allies! Poor Greeks took over the World, many died as heroes but they managed to save Democracy, Civilization, Humanity and Greece!

Notice how Herodot calls 2/3 of Greeks participated with Persians, as "Puppets" and some places "Traitors"; however, the reality was that 2/3 of Greeks were either officially citizens of Persian States and Persian Empire, Persian Protectorates or Persian Allies! In fact those 1/3 Greeks were the agitators to cause separatism and interfere with the internal affairs of the Persian Empire!

Greco-Roman and particularly Greek Historians such as Herodot (Herodotus), Thucydides, Ctesias, Plutarch, Ephorus, and Diodorus claim many lies. Greatest Master Liar of them all was Herodot.

Please study these maps:
Iran Historical Maps: Persian Achaemenid Empire - Part 3


Thermopylae Battle Map


Salamis Battle Map


Artemisia's Trireme Navy Vessel

Final Stages of Thermopylae
Greek Historians claim that at the "final stages" of Thermopylae (480 BC), 300 Spartans battled 30, 000 Persians which were a part of the larger force of 300,000 total Persians. In total and during all stages of the battle, these 300 Spartans along with rest of the Greek forces (700 Thespians + 1,000 Others = Total of 1,700) battled 300,000 Persians and killed 20,000 Persians (2 / 3 of the original Persian fighting force unit) before all 300 Spartans died gloriously as brave Greek Warriors! So it was 300 Spartans versus 300,000 Persians!

Thermopylae
Greek Historians claim that at Thermopylae "in total" there were between 200,000 to 300,000 Persians who fought about 5,000 Greeks. Persian casualties were 80,000 while Greek casualties were 2,400 total!

Marathon
Greek Historians claim that at Marathon (Darius' Era) on 490 BC, over 6,400 Persians died for the loss of approximately 192 Greeks-Athenians!

Salamis
Greek Historians claim that at Salamis over 1,210 Persian ships faced about 368 Greek ships. Persians lost 200 ships while Greeks lost only 40 ships! Persian casualties were 50,000 while Greeks had 500 Dead and 5,000 wounded!

Plataea
Greek Historians claim that at Plataea over 100,000 Persians died while there were only between 159 (Herodotus) to 10,000 (Diodorus) Greek casualties!

Greco-Persian Wars
In total Greek Historians claim that in Greco-Persian Wars, over 27,000 Greeks faced over 2,700,000 Persians and managed to mass slaughter over 230,000 Persians while suffering just about 13,000 casualties!

Question for the Thinking Minds?

Would you please tell me if all the above are Greek Fantasies and Greek Mythology or are they Ancient History? Does the above makes sense to you?


L. Queen La-reine Gorgo (Anna Synodinou)
R. King Leonidas (Richard Egan)
in 1962 version of 300 Spartans


L. Commander Artemisia (Anne Wakefield)
R. Emperor Xerxes (David Farrar)
in 1962 version of 300 Spartans
Artemisia and Xerxes during celebration, chats and flirtations in 300 Spartans (1962 version). Of course back then (Battle of Salamis) Artemisia was only a navy commander. Later on she became Grand Admiral and Commander in Chief of the Persian Navy. No matter how biased and Anti Persian, Hollywood falsified the history on the 1962 version, but at least the costumes were pretty much realistic; however, the 2007 version is simply "Out There"! It is an over exaggeration of the whole history, Hollyweird style!


Queen Gorgo (Lena Heady) looks very sexy and appetizing!

Conclusion

Ancient Greeks were very good with sitting around the Grecian Peninsula, at the daytime philosophizing, creating "Out There" amazing heroic stories, Greek Mythology, war fantasies, and at the nighttime having Anal Sex! But when the Greeks were philosophizing, creating "out there" tales out of their rectums and butt banging each other, us "The Persians" were busy attending to "Reality" and creating the "Global Civilization"! And that my friends is the difference between Greek Philosophy and Persian Philosophy!

This is Real History:

Grand Admiral Artemisia

IPC Iran History

This is Garbage:

Observe the Crap ala Carte:

300 Spartans (Original Movie) 1962 version - IMDB

300 Movie - 2006 version - IMDB

300 - Official Site by Warner Brothers

300 - YouTube

300 - Apple Trailers


L. Grand Admiral Artemisia The First of Halicarnassius
R. Shahanshah Xerxes The First of Achaemenid
Realistic and historically accurate portrait. The original design (not this version) was primarily put on Internet by myself.

And don't hold your breath and count seconds for the movie to come out cause it will be another disappointment and Anti Iranian bias Hollywood spoof. At last allow me to find proper words describing this movie in one sentence:

"300, The Movie is the greatest cockamamie, Bull Shiite, Hero Worship, Falsification of History Hollywood Spoof made so far in the 21st Century!"

May the True History be prevailed

Dr. X

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300 The Movie - 300 Spartans (2007)

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