Iran Politics Club      
Calf not Cow!
Website For Thinking Iranians
Back to index   The Old Calf, who never become a Cow!
A Little Islamic Fairy Tale Ditty!

The Old Calf, who never become a Cow!
A Little Islamic Fairy Tale Ditty!

(Gusale-ye Piri ke hich gah Gav nashod!)
Ahreeman X
November 20, 2008

“President Khatami reappears in the skies of the Iranian politics for the 3rd term!” (Media)
L. Khayami: Dali Moosheh, I am back! I’m like the Iranian Clinton, I would never go away!
R. Khayami: I crack myself up! I managed to convince the people to run for the 3rd term! What a great Bull Shiiter I am! Oh I kill myself, someone pinch me please?!


This one is from Ahreeman’s Book of Silly Poetry (Divan’e Hajviyat-e Ahreeman).
This one is humorous poetry yet also cheesy literature and social critics.
This one is silly poetry, satire literature, political humor, comedy, rhapsody and tragedy!
This one is economy, sociology, philosophy and ideology.
This one is the sad truth about our devout cattle-like people.
This one is about those holy clerics who ride them!

I dedicate this one to the Reform Movement of Iran and their leader Seyed Mohamad Khatami, now trying to get permission from his Imam (Khamenei) to run for the 3rd term, like his first 2 terms of presidency was not enough for Iran and Iranians!

Modern Literature with a spice of Poetry
(Adabiyat-e Modern: Nasr va She'r-e No)

The Old Calf, who never become a Cow!
(Gusale-ye Piri ke hich gah Gav nashod!)

A Neo Approach,
"By The Old Story Teller of our time, and your family Doctor, Dr. X"

Doctor's Prescription

To best, comprehend this Master-Piss, you shall be familiar with English, Persian and Arabic! If not, then do not worry, just read it two times and you shall get the Big Idear (southern for idea), indeed! Just have faith and Ahreeman will show you the Hole, I mean The Way!

Ahreeman will provide!

Gather around the Fireplace or Korsi depending on where you are, in the City or the Village,
Dr. X is about to tell you a New Story,
Another Qese-ye por Qose, another sad chapter,
from "Doctor's Book of Nasty Silly Poetry" (Divan-e Hajviyat-e Doctor X)

Lets Roll Kiddies,

Dear Kidney Beans and Kiddies,
Our story begins in a far far away land, named Iran,
Our Hee-Row is named,
The Little Old Calf,
Who sometimes wears a Turban!

Once upon a time,..........

One was There and one was Dead!
(Yeki bud va yeki mordeh bud!)

The Calf was roaming around the prairie! The little moomoo, was mooing around the bushes, trees and fresh grass, hazing and grazing around! While he was mooing around and digging into the fresh grass near farm lands of nearby Tehran, he was always dreaming to grow up to become a Big Cow! He was just a baby and he was questioning the facts of life with anxious voice: "moo, moo, Ya Allah, will I ever grow up to be a Big Cow?"

"I am a little moomoo, but I will drink my Milk and one day I shall grow up to become a big MooMoo!" he whispered to himself and he sang: Mooooooooooooooooo (loud and passionate Calf Sound)!

The little moomoo loudly claimed his turf and sang: Moooooooooo.............

Dreams of Moomoo

The little Calf was praying and hoping to join the big league! During his first term, he simply could not believe that the Herd elected him as the Head of the Reform Movement! Holy Toledos, Jumping Coyotes, how could the little Calf been elected as the President of KIR (Khomeini's Islamic Republic)?!

"Moi, little moomoo, erected as president; furthermore, as the head of reforms?! By the holy Aba (robe) and Labadeh (dress) of the Prophet (PBUHB) [Peace Be Upon His Bone], how can that be? Oh how O how, can the Herd O Allah, erect me as the Herd Keeper?! I know, I will not be the Real Herd Keeper, yet hell, presidency of KIR is better than nothing!" So, said to himself the little Calf! On and on he went and on and on, his head started to get big and on and on he developed Wild Desires of becoming a Big Ol God like many other false Gods of the past, like Imam Khomeini and even Mossadeq Kachal! Damn, the little Calf was even comparing himself with The Big Mossie! Well, can you blame him? Gosh, Mossie was Bald Headed and so was him! Hell, at least they had something in common! Well, Mossie had a Large Size Ego and Head, but hey, The Little Calf was also on his way to become another Mossie!

Inauguration of President Khayami

So, The Little Calf named himself President Khayami (My Balls) and he became a Big Old Reformist and the president of KIR! Halle Luja, praise Allah! He whispered to himself asking Allah: "Dear Allah, will you help me to Grow Up big and strong becoming a Big Ol Cow?"

Little Calf was praying to Allah to grow up to become a Big O Cow like Imam Memeyi (Khamenei) The Velayat-e Faqih! "Oh can I, oh can I?" the little Calf whispered anxiously! I will make my own KIRi Fraction of Reforms and gather a Big Ol Bunch of little Calves (Gusaleh) and Lambs (Barreh aka Babayi) to follow me as Reformists! One day my Herd will grow up to become as big of a herd as:

Imam Memeyi's Herd of Fundamentalists
Akbar Shah Sharkey's (Rafsanjani) Herd of Moderate Kar Gozaran
at least I will end up having my own Herd of Reformists!

Allah, together with Fesenjuni and Imam-e Kuni, we can all Float down here in Eye-Rain and lead the Cattle to the Great Destination of MooMoo Land (Qods)! That Allahic Land in The Sky with 70 Houri naked Angels and 2 Pearly White Mamuli Boys also awaits us! We be leading the Umma' to the Cattle Promised Land! Why not me? The Rhyme went wrong but hey, the meaning Flows, down here in Eye-Rain, we All Float! We float through life ……

I am an educated and well schooled Mullah,
So why can't I, bend over, Dollah Dollah?
I start the third Fraction of Islam in Eye-Rain
and I be leading the Gav O Olaq with Hormat!


So, the little Ol Calf, started to get a Big Ol Head and little by little he believed that he had become a Big Ol Mullah! He started his 3rd Fraction and he named it Reform! He became the God O Reforms and Informs!

He started to dream of becoming an Ayat!
He started to jump up into the league of Qayats!
He saw himself in the same league as Fesenjuni
or maybe even Imam-e Kuni!

"Why don’t weall (Southern for we all), lead the Cattle to salvation?" he asked? The 3 of us: Al Fesenjan, Imam and Hojatol Tonban like me? We can share the goods and ride the Cattle to Salavat, it’s like 3 faces of Dorian Gray in Bull Shiite! In the past the little Calf was an informant and the toy boy of Imam Khomeini, Ok-ing the Death of 30,000 Opposition in 80s, but now he sang the presidency songs!

Crimes of Khatami

Khayami’s Declaration of Reforms

Khayami’s Enlightenment and Moment of Erectoral Climax …….

President Khayami whispered to the inner circle
part English, part Persian and part Arabic Mingle:

One Reformist, one Moderate and one Fundamentalist
One Olaq, one Hemar, and one Mule al Beast!

Leading the Cattle to Allahic Land
Same as Qater and Salavati Bang!

Send us your weak, Dumb and Muslim,
We will do a Triple Bang and Qosl Them!

Show us the Umma’ al Allah,
We be banging them with Qol O Vallah!

Imam-e Kuni on top and Fesenjuni on his back
I be shoving the Umma’s mouth with my Qandak!

We be doing a Trio on Ummat
One on fore, one on back and one oral shuvlak!

Shove it now, no holes shall be spared!
We be riding and shoving the Cattle to the shred!

Lets pillage all the dough and oil, until it hurts,
The intestine and appendicitis, due to flirts!

We be banging the Melat with Qol o Vallah
When we Cum, we will get up, Ya Allah!

Once we fill up the Bank Accounts with Dollars,
We will show our Shambool with variety of Colors!

By then, the Umma' will be deeply torn,
The Country Fragged and the Nation Mourn!

Allah will help us, Bismallah,
Ayat o Hojat o Tolab, la be lah!

Once Iran is all Fragged and Fandangoed,
We will fled to Lebanon via Tour Ala Goh-ed!

We Frag Iran and send the Dough to Caymans
We fly to Beirut and send regards to Chirac and Schroeder Ans!

Allah is merciful, bless us all,
Reformist, Moderate and Conservativ-e Hamal!

So said Khayami and left to lead,
For the 2nd term towards the need!

But the plans got Fragged and the Cattle would not allow the ride! Even the reformists wisened up and left the Hojat alone! He turned to Imam and said protect me?

Imam said:

We have erected you once, but twice, we are shy, Hojat!
We must brush you under the Persian Rug and find a new Olaq to lead the Gav o Gusaleh!

Reforms have backfired, yet I am sure, we will manage a new Yataqan!
To Frag the Umma’ and Cattle with Dashaqan!

We will create a New Dashakh,
A Hee-Row, a Prophet, another Olaq!

Our Hee-Row Worshiping Umma’ are loud,
They pray to any Yataqan, with smile, wow God!

Khayami turned sad and saw the end! This was the sad story of:

The Calf, who never become a Cow!
The Hojat who never become an Ayat!
The Shambool who never become a Khar-dool!
The Roach who never become a GrassHopper!
as we say in Persian:

Gusale-yi ke hich gah Gav nashod!

yes my friends,

The Old Calf, who never become a Cow!

But down the road he tried and tried and told himself:
Yes I can, Yes I can …..

2nd Term in the Bag!

Eventually he pulled the 2nd term, yet with disgrace. Even the reformists and students were on to him! After all he called the student movement and rioters, “Obash O Arazel” (Hooligans and Hoodlums)! Finally his 2nd term was over. 4 years of stagnation, blocking the true revolution and ass kissing Imam Memeyi. People celebrated when he left off. Little did they know that a psychotic delusional baboon (Ahmadinejad) would replace him!

Fundamentalists ruled for 4 years with iron fist, now the time has come for the IRI Erections, Oops pardon me Elections! Once again the Gusaleh is starting to sing:

3rd Term Songs!

I want to go for the 3rd term. Once again we will erect the reforms. Maybe I erect Shirin Ebadi as my VP. We restart the Rock Band of Reforms and feed the Umma’ with much Bull Shiite. But this turn around, our message will be fresh. We will call it “The Neo Reforms”! Our motto will be:

Yes We Can Still Ride the Cattle!”

So Gusaleh mumbled on and on……. In hopes that his Imam will permit him to run for the 3rd term as the president of Yataqan!

Little Persian Boy Sang

We have heard a little boy was singing in the streets of Tehran:

1st term, 2nd term and maybe 3rd term Gaideh!
But the Gusaleh shall remain always a Gusaleh!

In dreams of growing up to become a full Cow,
He spent all his life acting as Mossadeq, Gorbachev and Hu Jin Tao

The little calf aged and become an old calf
But he never turned to a cow eating much alaf!

The old calf is now old but still a calf Joojoo!
In dreams of becoming a cow, he laughs Moomoo!

Dreams are great but you need the means
To make the dreams come true rather than beans!

So my dear Boils and Ghouls, this brings us to the end of our little fairy tale about:

An old calf who dreamt of becoming a cow.
The little calf grew old yet he never become a big cow!

Now, kiss Dr. X's cheek, “Goodnight” and go under the blanket or Korsi, get tucked in and sleep tight,

Do not let the bed bugs bite!
Specially the ones with Turbans!
Nighty Night Boys and Girls............

Until next time that I will read you more from:

Ahreeman’s Book of Silly Poetry (Divan-e Hajviyat-e Ahreeman)

Amen and Ahreeman Bless


Ahreeman Mirza-ye Qajar
(Malekol Sho’ara-ye Chenar!)

Back to Humor Index

Support IPC
IPC operating since March 30, 2000
    Duplication of contents are allowed, only by naming the source & link to IPC
All rights are protected & reserved by Iran Politics Club © 2000 IPC