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Iranian Humor from Qom
Haj Seyed Reza
abolghasemalan@gmail.com
July 5, 2008


Haj Seyed Reza Etemadi Hezbollahi Asl
The Great Islamic Scholar from Houzeh Elmiyeh Qom

Haj Seyed Reza enlightens the Umma':

Islamic Secret Seminars

As a Moderate and the spiritual leader of “Kar Gozaran” Technocrats, Ayatollah Rafsanjani is working hard to dominate the next presidential election and successfully beat both the Fundamentalists and Reformists. The rumor is that these days Ayatollah Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani is working on a top-secret project and attending secretive seminars so he can turn the country and the economy around for the next elections.

Our investigative photographer stole a photo of what is truly going on behind the closed doors in those Secretive Seminars:


Ayatollah Rafsanjani in a politico-economical Secret Session!

Medical Convention!

A French doctor says: Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.

A German doctor says: That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.

A Russian doctor says: In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.

The Iranian doctor, not to be outdone, says: You guys are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains (Ahmadinejad), put him in the presidential palace for three years, and now more than half the country are looking for work!

* * *

Men and Women Issues!

Research shows that only 20 % of men have brains!
The other 80% have wives!

Men marry because of lack of kindness.
They divorce because of lack of patience!
But the interesting point is that they remarry because of lack of memory!

Men have 3 wishes:
To be as handsome as their Moms tell them they are!
To be as rich as their children claim that they are!
To have as many other women (or wives) on the side as their wives assume that they have!

First Man: Oh Lord, my wife just took all my wealth and ran away!
Second Man: You are so lucky! My wife took all my wealth and did not run away!

Wife: I was an idiot to marry you.
Husband: Honey don’t get mad, I was also too in love with you and did not comprehend that you were an idiot!

If you see that I love you so much,
If you see that I wait for you for so long,
If you see that I never replace you with anyone else,
Believe me, you must be only a digital image, you are in my imagination!

What’s the difference between an old single girl (Torshideh) and an old single boy (Mojarad)?
The first one was not successful enough to get married.
The second one was success enough to not get married!

A famous expression says:
To die for a woman which you love; is much easier than to live with her!

Man: Honey thank you for bringing faith to my life!
Wife: How come honey?
Man: Because before marriage, I did not believe in Hell!

* * *

US Citizen!

Persian grandmother just came from Iran and wanted to become a citizen of the United States. She was a resident for a long time and she was tired of not being allowed to leave the country for more than a year at each trip. She wanted to go for 2 years long vacations to Iran, so she needed to become a US Citizen!

So she took her grandson with her to take her citizenship exam.

Immigration officer: I have to ask you 4 simple questions about America and if you answer them correctly, you would become a US citizen.

Granny: Ok, but I no speak English, I bringing my grandson (Persian accent).

Immigration officer: Ok, so he will translate.

The Granny and the Grandson came together and they pre-planned a routine for the Grandson to give her hints in Persian (rather than translate the questions), so she could answer correctly and pass the exam!

Immigration officer: Now for your first question...
1) What is the capital of America?

Grandson: Man koja raftam daneshgah? (Where did I go to university?)

Granny: Washington!

Immigration officer: That was correct, now for question number 2...
2) When is the Independence Day for America?

Grandson: Neiman Marcus key haraj dare? (When does Neiman Marcus have sales?)

Granny: July Fourth!!

Immigration officer: Bravo, correct, now for question number 3...
3) Who ran for President in 2000 but lost?

Grandson: Un Martike ke ba dokhtare shoma arusi kard, ke dustesh nadarin, koja bere? (The guy who married your daughter and you don’t like him, where should he go?)

Granny: Too Goor!!! [To the Grave (Gore)]

Immigration officer: Wow, wonderful job, now for your final question...
4) Who is the President of the United States now?

Grandson: Har vaqt Aqa jan miguzeh, az chish narahat mishi? (Everytime Grandpaw farts, what do you hate most about it?)

Granny: Boosh!! [The smell (Bush)]

Granny is now a proud US Citizen!

* * *

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