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Life Education Certificate for Men!
Haj Seyed Reza
September 21, 2008

Haj Seyed Reza Etemadi Hezbollahi Asl
Houzeh Elmiyeh Qom

Great Islamic Scholar, Haj Seyed Reza enlightens us:

Life Education Certificate for Men!

Educational Goal: Strengthening a part of the brain which men are unaware of!

Life Fundamentals 101 = 6 Units
How to live without our mother?
My wife is not my mother!
Understanding that soccer is only a sport.
Understanding that elimination of Iran from the World Cup is not the end of the world!

Marriage 101 = 5 Units
How not to be jealous of my child!
How to let go of the TV Remote Control?
Shoes will not automatically place themselves on the shoe-shelves!
How to drop our dirty clothes in the hamper without getting lost in the house?
How to not moan and whine much while having a common cold?
Comprehension that the wife is always correct!

Leisure 101 = 4 Units
How to help in the kitchen without trashing the place?
How to serve drinks without soaking the drink tray?
How to iron a shirt in less than 2 hours without burning it?

Kitchen 101 (Beginners) = 3 Units
How to turn appliances on?
How to turn appliances off?

Kitchen 102 (Advanced) = 3 Units
How to fry my first egg without burning the pan?
How to make my first toast without burning it?

Kitchen 102 Lab (Required) = 1 Unit
Experiment One: Boiling water before adding pasta!
Experiment Two: Boiling water is a prerequisite for making tea!

Domestic Life 101 = 6 Units
Note: This is an advanced course. Prerequisites for this course are all the above courses or else you cannot take this course.
The amazing path from the laundry room to the closet and how to walk this path?
Risks of replacing the refrigerator’s water filter!
Cooking will not make me feminine!
Taking out trash will not make me handicap!
Toilet Paper will not replace itself in the dispenser!
If you must put the toilet lid up, then make sure to bring it down!
Asking directions does not make me look incompetent!
Major differences between the floor and the laundry basket?
How to sit in silence without being a passenger navigator while my spouse is driving?
Yard work is not harmful to my body!

For related case study, review the below E-mail:

* * *

The Day Mr. P. Niss asked for a raise!

E-mail Subject:: Mr. P. Niss asks for a raise!

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.

I work at great depths.

I plunge headfirst into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.


P. Niss


E-mail Response to: Mr. P. Niss asks for a raise!

Dear P. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, The administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.


V. Gina

* * *

Thank you for educating yourselves and achieving the Life Education Certificate for Men!

Haj Seyed Reza

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