Paykan Automotive + Watch What You Say!
Compiled by Pantea Golzari

Pantea Golzari

Red Apple Panti's A + List

Red Apple Panti presents:

Paykan Automotive Company of Iran
Owner's Manual

Questions and Answers Guide:

Q. How do you make a Paykan accelerate 0 - 60 mph in less than 15 seconds?
A. Push it off a cliff.

Q. What is found on the last 2 pages of every Paykan owner's manual?
A. The bus schedule.

Q. What did the auto parts counterman say when the customer said "I'll take a set of wiper blades for my Paykan"?
A. Sounds like a fair trade to me.

Q. Why do Paykans come with heated rear windows?
A. To keep your hands warm while you're pushing them.

Q. What do you call a Paykan at the top of a hill?
A. A mirage.

Q. What do you call two Paykans at the top of a hill?
A. A miracle.

Q. How do you double the value of a Paykan?
A. Fill up the gas tank.

Q. What do you call a Paykan with brakes?
A. Customized.

Q. How do you make a Paykan go faster downhill?
A. Turn off the engine.

Q. Why don't Paykans sustain much damage in a front
end collision?
A. The tow truck takes most of the impact.

Q. What do you call Paykan passengers?
A. Shock absorbers.

Q. How do you improve the appearance of a Paykan?
A. Park it between two Porsches.

Panti's Watch What You Say!

Curl Up and Die
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
:)

Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
:)

Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take
a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld
:)

Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, I think I like playing with men's balls.
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
:)

Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, No, I'm just looking at your nuts. My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emetic, 34, Ellerslie, MD
:)

Na Na-na Na Nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving right now she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night! The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me was screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
:)

Surprise!
It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we laying bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a
nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, SURPRISE! My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, New York
:)

Priceless
one of the funniest most-embarrassing-moment stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear, PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE. That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word Tampax for THUMBTACKS. In businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?
:)

Mom's Advice
a teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask
her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.

I thought I told you to call your Mom. She screamed. I did, he said, And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.
Chris Vaught
:)

So always watch out what you say!