Iran Politics Club      
Questions for Monarchists?
Website For Thinking Iranians
Back to index   Questions for Monarchists?
On Referendums and Elections?

Questions for Monarchists?
On Referendums and Elections?

Ahreeman X
1st Edition: September 9, 2008
2nd Edition: January 20, 2018


Few questions came to my mind in regards to this topic,
Hmmmmmmmmmm ........

Let’s say hypothetically there will be a referendum held in Iran, while IRI is in power (on a cold day in Hell!), and let’s also say that hypothetically masses of Iran will decide on the type of the government (Fat Chance!). And of course let us once more hypothetically say that majority of Iranians will vote for the Constitutional Monarchy (Monarchists’ Beautiful Dream); so then the masses have spoken and they want a Constitutional Monarchy (Aren’t Dreams Beautiful?!).

Now that we are done with the referendum and masses want a Constitutional Monarchy, then my questions begin:

* How will you decide on what Dynasty and what Shah to rule Iran? Will the future Monarch and his Dynasty be pre-determined before the referendums? If so, then will they drop a petition each to nominate themselves as for the future Monarchs? If so, then still, how will you decide on who and what dynasty to be nominated as candidates to rule?

* If not, then will the people elect the new dynasty and the new monarch? If so, then will the people vote in an election for whom and from what dynasty to become the future monarch?

* The bottom line is that if people end up deciding on the dynasty and then the monarch in an election, then this will become an elected monarch (sort of like Council of Monarchy which elected Darius). So if people end up electing the Monarch and if the monarchs will be elected by the people, then why Monarchy and why not Republic?

* Now let’s say people will decide in a referendum (Constitutional Monarchy) and then people will decide in an election (The Dynasty and the Monarch), so will this be a one time deal and then this Dynasty will rule for eternity and this monarch will rule until he rots (like Elizabeth II)? Or will the people get to elect the dynasty and the monarch every few years? And if so, then again, Why Monarchy? Why not Republic?

* Now let’s say that people will choose a lifetime monarch and a “Forever” Dynasty, then please explain to me that why and how on earth will Iranians choose a lifetime monarch and a “Forever” Dynasty, when for 8000 years, they have been used to each dynasty to use force to overpower another?

* What would guarantee that this Monarch (good or bad) will not set aside the constitution (like Reza Khan done in 1925) and start governing? What if the Constitutional Monarchist Government will become a disaster (like Ahmad Shah’s Government)? Will the Monarch still remain the head of state or will he take charge (like Reza Khan)?

* And what if the son or grandson of the next worthy monarch becomes a disaster (heredity of crown sucks!) and an embarrassment for the dynasty (like it happened in all dynasties before)? Shall the next monarch from next dynasty not use force to remove this dynasty? Or will the next candid monarch and his dynasty put a petition for the removal of the present dynasty via elections (How Gay is That?)?????????

* I believe if Shapour, Nader and Reza Khan were alive, they would’ve choked on your Neo Suggested Monarchial system for Iran! Presently they are shaking in their graves! What say you?

It is really hard for me to imagine a bunch of guys will put to vote on whom to become the next monarch! Will we have a choice or will the bid go automatically to the Geisha (Gay Shah) RP? Can we choose the future monarch or will the Uneducated, Chubby Fat Boy whom never worked a day in his life, ends up ruling Iran?

Now do not get me wrong, I have nothing against Gays or Shahs, yet my problem is with the combination of the two: Geisha (Gay Shah)! I mean put a dress on Mr. Mom (Reza Pahlavi) and everyone can mistake that feminine boy for an Iranian Transvestite!

I refuse to have a Geisha! No to Gay Shahs! Absolutely No to Gay Shahs! I want a powerful Shah, not a Gay Shah! Even if I have to use my Ahreemanic Veto Powers, I shall not allow the Gay Pahlavi to crown himself!

I mean I can go for:
The Strong Pahlavi (Reza Khan)
The Thoughtful Pahlavi (MRP)
The Quiet Pahlavi (Ali Reza)
The Empress Farah (The Seyed-e Pahlavi)

I can even go for
 Farahnaz, (The Drugged Up Pahlavi)
Ashraf (The Oversexed Pahlavi)

But never for
The Gay Pahlavi!

Absolutely No for The Geisha!

If I have to put a Geisha in the office, then I just put a dress on Farahnaz and grant her as the Empress! I mean who can tell the difference? RP or Farahnaz in a dress, just the same! Both are useless!

Haji Monarchists, you can take time till Hell Freezes over to answer me on the issue of Monarchial Referendum and Election, but still this whole deal will be flawed and illogical! The complete ideology of Monarchy is flawed and illogical.

Baba jan, let’s be fair, you guys (say half a million Monarchists max), Monarchists want to convince the masses of Iran that for Iran to survive and see salvation, we need to bring on the Monarchy back to Iran. OK fine, I am with you until now.

Now, how will you go about it? First of all, you tell me that you will throw a referendum and in this referendum masses of Iran will have 2 choices:

a) A Republic


b) A Constitutional Monarchy with Pahalvi as The Dynasty and with Reza Pahlavi as the Monarch

So if people choose the Republic, then at least they will have a choice to elect the president amongst many candidates and parties.


If they choose the Monarchy, they are stuck with Pahlavi Dynasty and The Geisha (Gay Shah) aka Reza de nim Pahlavi.

Why on Earth would Iranians vote for Monarchy? To give a job to this bum? To pay his salary? What the hell has he done for Iran during the last 30 years? You monarchists must take Iranians as idiots, no?

Now, what is your alternative choice?

Alternative Choice for Monarchists!

Your alternative choice as a Monarchist Theoretician is to hold a “Monarchial Election” before the Referendums, so people can choose the Dynasty of Rule and the future Shah.

In this referendum, Iranians will see All Dynasties and from each Dynasty, All candidates and then in primary monarchial election, people will first vote for a Dynasty. In secondary monarchial election, people will vote for the Shah.

OK at this point, you will have a dynasty and a shah nominated for the referendum.

Now, even now, Iran would not be ready to conduct a referendum! Because we still do not know if this Shah and Dynasty is going to be a forever Shah or not?!

What are you going to do? Hold Monarchial elections every 4 years or every time you get a faggot useless cheeseball like Reza Pahlavi in office, will you call an election?

But this is not even my problem with this whole show! My problem is this:

Condition one:
So you are going to convince Iranians to hold a Monarchial Election to chose the dynasty and the Shah and then hold the referendums?

Then they would tell you, why not just hold presidential elections?

Condition two:
You will conduct a referendum without a pre monarchial election and right away you put forward for Iranians a choice between Reza Pahlavi or a Republic?

Then Iranians will laugh at your face! Are you really so much out of touch with Iran and Iranians (of today) that you assume 70 million Iranians or at least 20 million voters will choose Reza Pahlavi over a Republic?!

My friends, do you see how flawed, how silly, how cheesy and how cartoonish is this whole claim of Monarchists to hold Referendums and Elections? It is a joke!

I tell you what will happen,

Let’s say by a fat chance monarchists get their way to hold a referendum. Mullahs will step aside and say:

Monarchists, please hold referendums.

Do you even believe that all the monarchists will choose Reza Pahlavi over the Free Republic?

I tell you what will happen:

3000 Monarchists including that Kos Khol Fouladvand and that Kos Mashang Pirouznia and of course Reza Pahlavi will vote for Reza Pahlavi to become the GeiSha!

The rest of Iran will laugh at your faces!

Do you really think 70 million Iranians after 30 years of Theocratic Oppression, will vote for Reza Pahlavi to become Shah?!

Why? Because his father was Alahazrat?

Giram pedar-e to budast Khodaygan,
To che gohi baraye melat khordi ke hala Shah beshi?
30 sal be joz kun dadan, che qalati kardi?!

So your father was Shah,
But what have you ever done for the nation?
30 years of giving your ass away, that’s all!

You see my friends,
Iranian Monarchs claim or reclaim their crown and thrown,
But The GeiSha (RP) holds referendums and elections and begs people to vote for him!
I don’t know if I should cry or laugh?

I can put forward 10 candidates from 10 prominent dynasties and families of Iran, much more qualified, educated and with a resume of 30 years of hard work in the real business world to enter this referendum as presidential candidates opposing Reza Pahlavi.

Then people will have a choice between 10 solid economists, politicians, philosophers and technocrats on one side and Qod Qod Mirza de Chubbiness RP on the other side! Who do you think people of Iran will vote for? Monarchy or Republic?

I can even nominate Lori Foruzandeh as the future Monarch and I give her an honorary membership to the Qajar Dynasty and an honorary title of “Lori-ol Saltaneh Qajar” and enter her in the race for Monarchial Election, before referendums!

I will put my genius campaigning skills and my fortune behind her. With my brains and Lori’s sex appeal, tell me, what person in his right mind in Iran would vote for Reza Pahlavi if they can have a Foxy Lori as the Empress!?

If an average Iranian knows that once he votes for Monarchy, he will get stuck with a monarch for rest of his life, then do you think they will vote for an Ugly Transvestite with an Extra Large big nose, no education, no work history, no skills, no job, no life (only two flawed and cheesy books written by others) as a Shah? Or do you think people will vote for a voluptuous big boobed beefy thighed white American woman who speaks better Persian (than RP), is more educated (than RP), has a lengthy resume of jobs, better social skills and much better than RP de Nim Pahlavi?

Will they vote for:

Shirazi Lori?
Kuni Pahlavi?

Hey, if the monarch is just a ceremonial puppet, would you want a dick-cheese like Reza Pahlavi to be your monarch for the rest of your lives or Lori Forouzandeh to be the Empress? No brainer my good fellows, no brainer!

At least Lori looks good! Reza looks like my Dick with Syphilis! Sorry Haji Kuchike, I did not mean to insult you! You are much more handsome than RP! Please forgive me! Would you?

Give me a break! Will ya monarchists?

Monarchists’ whole concept of Referendums and Elections is flawed and childish! It makes no sense! Not that it will ever happen in a million years, but still even if it could happen, it would have severe flaws and it is totally illogical and definitely not practical!

The Ass Kissing Monarchists around RP, Reza Pahlavi, Forud Fouladvand, Dariush Homayoun and the rest of the Monarchists are right now reading this article, the same as they do read all of my articles. So, I am doing you a favor. After reading this, please go find a new game because this Referendums and Elections game does not work anymore. It is flawed. Please go put a new garter belt, bra and girdle on Reza Pahlavi, maybe with some plastic surgery and makeup, you can somehow shove him up there in to the spotlight of the future referendums!

I truly feel sorry for monarchists, because your problem is not only the fact that Monarchy as a system of government to start a government from the scratch in the 21sth century, is not practical; yet, your main problem is the fact that your Monarch is the worst possible candidate for the job!

Your Monarch does not even have one quality to sell to the people of Iran! He has no charisma, can’t speak, is not a great speaker or lecturer, never had a job in his life, is a coward, has no education, has no skills, looks feminine, is superficial, and on top of it all looks like a Dick!

Monarchists, please accept my deepest condolences, because with this GeiSha, you will take your dreams of establishing a constitutional monarchy in Iran, to the grave!

You need game, you need a new Shah, you need a new gimmick, you need a new theory, you need a new plan, you …………………….. you need so many new things that Iranian people will tell you, they are better off with a Republic than your GeiSha!

You see, Iran is bankrupt. Economy is destroyed. We surely cannot afford to create another ceremonial office and set a salary for your GeiSha (Reza Pahlavi) to put on a Monkey Suit and live in a palace in Tehran! He is best residing in his mansion in Maryland and continue following US Senators and CIA Officials as a pet around DC (whoof whoof), every few years, so maybe they will throw him a bone or two. You cannot even sell Reza Pahlavi to the American Media, set aside Masses of Iran!

But, I admire your spirits! Even though Monarchy had died 30 years ago and your Shah did not lift a finger to revive his own crown! Even though Iranians inside or outside are mocking your Shah and your silly outdated ideology! Even though our people and our youth are now too educated to yet go under another Totalitarian or Non Practical regime (after IRI)! Even though ……………
……………….. yet you still keep your hopes up and from the bottom of your hearts and the top of your longs scream:


But my dears,

(let’s sing with 6/8 Persian Baba Karam Beat and Beshkan)

Javid Shah,
Kodum Shah?
Hamun Shah, ke Maryland Qal’e dareh (Reza Pahlavi)!
Akh Joon, bia baba……….
Begu baba………..

Javid Shah
Kodum Shah?
Hamun Shah, ke London Luneh dareh (Fouladvand)!
Hamun Shah ke rafteh Turkey vacation (Fouladvand)!
Akh joon,
Bia baba……………

Hame ba ham,

Javid Shah!
Kodum Shah?
Hamun Shah ke ye paye cholaq dareh (Dariush Homayoun)!
Ahan, biyayn baba

Begu baba,
Dakh Dakh, Darakh Dakh
Dim Ram, Diram Dam!
Hame Ba ham…….

{ To Spirit of Reza Khan:

Reza Khan, where are you to see what has happened to your legacy?
Reza Khan, please don’t shake in your grave!
This is what it came down to!
A GeiSha, A Group of Kiss Ass Khayeh Malan around him, and a few Juvenile Soosool monarcho Teens on the net!
Reza Khan, this is what happened to your legacy of Iranian Imperial Monarchy!
I bet if you knew it would turn out this way, then on 1925, you would’ve sworn in office as a president to not see this disgrace in the future!
Reza Khan don’t weep because I cry for Iran and Iranians every week!
Dear Father of the nation, I am truly sorry that your Grand Son had turned out as a useless faggot in drag!
Rest in peace Reza Khan, rest in peace………………}

Best Wishes to Monarchists

To Masses of Iran:

Make no mistakes, do not elect a Geisha!
No to Geisha, Say No to Geisha!
Not that there’s anything wrong with Gays or Shahs (Seinfeld)!
But the combo of the two (Geisha) is lethal!

But seriously, I would love Monarchists to clear the air on their suggested, future system of referendum and election? I am very unclear about the selection of the Dynasty and The Monarch! Please clarify??????????

Folks, what would we do without the monarchists? Where would we get the spice for our political humor? Thank Allah for Monarchists, we will never run out of humor!

Ok back to the song, all the Bache Soosool Jujeh Monarchists, put your hands together (hame ba ham dast, dast, biyayn  ….) let’s scream together:

Javid Shah, Shashid Shah, Javid Chai, Lalay Lee, Lalay Loo, Doodool Dee, Boobool Boo ….

I just love feeding on Hezbollah and Shahollah!

For more information, read:

Role of the 21st Century Monarchs and Monarchists

Reasons for the birth of Islamic Republic of Iran

Why Monarchy has Ended and We Must Start a New?

Why Reza Pahlavi Cannot Lead Iranian Opposition?

Reza Shah The Great, The Real Story

No Gods
No Shahs
No Imams
No Masters
No Prophets
I bow to no Gods.
I serve no Masters.
I control my own destiny.
I am a Thinking Man.
I am a Free Man.


Dr. X

Back to Humor Index

Support IPC
IPC operating since March 30, 2000
          Duplication of contents are allowed, only by naming the source & link to IPC
All rights are protected & reserved by Iran Politics Club © 2000 IPC