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Scattered Persian Jokes!

Scattered Persian Jokes!
Ahreeman X
September 25, 2007

Allow me to jump start your day with our menu and serve you our today's IPC special:
"Breakfast ala Ahreeman", Bon appetite!

Nescafe, Benson & Hedges or British Airways?

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The Card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mum was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". The mum went straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mum took out her weekly magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mum fainted...

Osama's Choice!

Osama bin Laden has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," the devil says.
"You're on my list, but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you
what I'm going to do: I've got a few people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Osama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil led him into the first room.

In it was Manuel Noriega and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," bin Laden said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

So the devil led him to the next room. In it was the Ayatollah Khomeini with a sledgehammer and a huge pile of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I'd be in constant agony if all I did was break rocks all day," bin Laden commented.

So the devil opened a third door. In it, bin Laden saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was his girl Monica, doing what she does best. Osama bin Laden stared in disbelief and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said, "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Retired Serviceman!

True Story

I just got back from university and while there; I was talking to older students:

X: Hi folks, say, are you a retired serviceman?
Joe: Yes professor, US Marine Corps 2002.
X: Are you a retired serviceman?
Jim: Yes sir, US Airforce 2002.
X: How about you, are you a retired serviceman?
Habib: Yes indeed professor, Republican Guard, Iraq 2003!
X: ...... sigh, gulp!
X: Hmmmmmmmmm, Well All righty then! You don't say?!

Habib: Oh ye, the war was over, no sense staying in Iraq, so I moved to America to go to school!

(Killer, Riot, that was totally unexpected and awesome!)

Technology!

3 guys, an American, a Japanese and a Turkish Iranian (Azeri) were discussing Hi Tech!

American: We are so hi tech that we have a receiver implanted in our hand. We hold our hand near our face, with the thumb near the ear and the pinky near the mouth, similar as a cell phone. The satellite starts transmitting and then we start talking same as on the cell phone! The model, depending on people's preferences comes with the receiver in the left or the right hand! So we use our hands as a cell phone!

Japanese: Pattuyee..... That's nothing! We do it handless! We implant a chip behind our ear and another chip in our back tooth and we just start talking, same as a cell phone! Beat that if you can?!

The Azeri started to think and think and think ............... "What the hell am I going to say to beat that?!" (he told himself)! "Hmmmmmmm................., Aha got it!" (he yelled)! Suddenly Azeri started jumping up and down, round and round........... and while jumping up and down, he started farting loudly! Qart....Qoort, Zapaart........Taq........Tooq, Faaaaaart.......Fart.........!

American and Japanese: What the hell are you doing?!

Azeri: Quiet down, silence .......... The Fax is coming!
Azeri: Tell me who's the most Hi Tech nation now?

(Riot, Killer)!

Beverages!

2 girls were discussing their boyfriends with one another.

Sisi: How do you distinguish between all your boyfriends?
Fati: I don't have many boyfriends, I only have 4!
Sisi: Still, how can you tell the difference at times?
Fati: Well I give them the nicknames of Soda Pops!
Sisi: Soda Pops?
Fati: You know, Soft Drinks.
Sisi: Oh OK, so tell me?
Fati: The 1st boyfriend is always Up at 7 AM (pointing at her privates), so I call him "7 Up"!
Sisi: Wow, how about the others?
Fati: The 2nd boyfriend, when he Do me, he's like a Mountain, so I call him "Mountain Dew"!
Sisi: Wow, how about the other ones?
Fati: The 3rd boyfriend, In mornings when the Sun comes up, he kisses me down there, so I call him "Sunkist"!
Sisi: Oh girl, you got it going … how about the last one?
Fati: I call the 4th one "Jack Daniels".
Sisi: But that's not a Soft Drink, that is a Hard Liquor (Licker)?
Fati: Exactly!

(Riot, Murder, Killer, Killeeeeeeeeeeeeer ………!)

Good Day Folks



Dr. X

 
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