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Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 10

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 10

Ahreeman X
December 20, 2010

An Iranian named Mr. S&M Warm Whopper! Now is that Art?!
Mr. Warm Whopper (Beef Cake Leech) describes himself as a “Progressive Expressionist Photo Model slash Artist”! In this photo, Mr. Warm Whopper is trying to capture the very essence of Power mixed with Erotica! In my opinion, this image is more likely to capture the very essence of a Submissive Masochist, Sex Slave, Gay Bear, Twisted Iranian sucking like a leech on a long and thick cigar! … and the nerves of some critics who still say that Iranians have not truly progressed and evolved to adapt themselves to the 21st century! Here is a perfect example of the Iranian Evolution and Progress in the field of S&M (Sado-Masochistic) Art, right in to the 21st century and beyond! Actually we are way ahead of the today’s world and the 21st century! If this is not progress, then I don’t know what is?!
But the question still remains: Now is that really Art?
Mr. Warm Whopper: Hell yes! It is in fact pure art!
Ahreeman Joon: “C’mon here pretty boy, have a cigar, you gonna go far ….” (Pink Floyd)!
Those Kooky Nutty Eccentric Persians!

Iranian S&M Exercise Park!
Welcome to the new exercise areas in the newly upgraded Iranian parks. Look at the guy sitting on the back of the other guy. Is he trying to give him more weight for his pushups or is he playing the famous S&M Game of Ride the Persian Donkey? Hee Haw, ride’em Rawhide, round’em up and roll’em in Persian Cowboy! Ride’em rough you Donkey Jokey!

More about Donkey Jokey:

Politically Incorrect Derogatory Term for an Iranian

Presidential Drilling!
No you are not mistaking, this is the Iranian President Ahmadinejad picking his nose on the live TV! He was preparing for yet another hot and passionate Islamic political speech, not aware that the cameras were recording!

Green Movement Then (During the Revolts)
Green Lambs of Reforms are seen here with their progressive (improper) Islamic Hejabs, rushing the streets of Iran, worshiping their “Hee-Rows” (Mousavi + Khatami), and trying to make Reforms under the Irreformable Islamic Constitution! Back then, these Upper Middle Class, Rich Neo Reformist Islamists were under the assumptions that they can Reform IRI (obviously not learned from the first failed attempt by Khatami), and bring to power the Reformist Fraction of Hezbollah under the leadership of Mousavi! They did not want to make a Revolution to end IRI, but they were rebelling to reform the IRI. They were all hot and bothered to revolt and to change the world starting from IRI. Their flames were burning hot and they owned the streets of Iran in 2009.

Green Movement Then (After the Revolts)
Green Lambs of Reforms are seen here with their progressive (improper) Islamic Hejabs, doing small talks and flipping peace signs. By this time, they have found out the hard way that as the traffic sign (No Entrance – One Way Street) says: IRI and Islam are a “One Way Street” which involves no reforms! After 2 separate failed attempts (Khatami and Mousavi), they were now ready to pack it all up and once more go back in to their winter hibernation bear-sleep! By 2010, harsh brutal reality of Islam (Fundamentalism) had hit the Green Lambs and it blew them out of the power and in to their homes! After the struggle, the 3 fractions of Hezbollah (Fundamentalist, Moderate and Reformist) were no more! Fundamentalists ruled IRI and the rest were either retired vegetating in their homes or become irrelevant! The True Islam had won the battle. Once more, the Reformists and their Neo Shenanigan (Green Movement) had lost. Reforms neither worked in 1999 (Khatami) nor in 2009 (Mousavi). By 2010 once more the Reforms have failed.

Green Movement Now (Party Hardy)
Green Lambs of Reforms are seen here without their progressive (improper) Islamic Hejabs, letting it all hang out and shaking it by the beat of Quranic Rock! Check out the guy under the chandelier doing the creative dance move with his right hand holding the wine glass and his left hand to his waist. After the riots, Green Lambs of Reforms have retired to their House Parties where they can take off their Hejabs, release all their rebellious energies on the dance floor and seek the face of Mousavi inside the wine glass or beer bottles! In 2010, this is the neo style of implementing the reforms! Poor Reformists have been under house arrests limiting their activities only to their homes!

Green Movement Now (Retired and Pooped After the Party)
Green Lambs of Reforms are seen here without their progressive (improper) Islamic Hejabs, revealing all their bumps and curves. They are all tired, sweaty and pooped out after a nonstop hour of straight raving and rattling to the beat of the domestic industrial Persian House Music! They are taking a break, having Halaal Alcoholic Beverages and getting ready for the next round of Reforming the Dance Floor! Welcome to the Neo Face of the Green Movement jamming it up in every major Iranian city’s Uptown luxury homes! During the end days of 2010, Greens prefer to shake their money makers in the House Parties rather than shaking their Cocktail Molotovs in the streets of Iran! Allah works in mysterious ways!

Light Switch, Persian Style!
Promoted and imported by Viagra, only for Iran!

At the International Tournament, the National Iranian Women Handball Team had the edge over the other teams (Media)!
At Iranian Team’s practice,
Iranian Transsexual (left): Of course we have the edge! Most of our players were not originally women! We make some ugly women but some fine handball players!

At Kick Boxing practice
Soqra (left): I gonna kick this bitch behind the knee, so she can lose her balance and fall …
Sakineh (right): Zepeleshk, Kur khundi! Before you get a chance to do that, I’ll knock you out via a high kick to the head …
Imam Khamenei’s picture (on the background wall): Ohoy Sakineh don’t kick so high, you may rupture and rip something down there! Don’t damage the merchandise! If you tear your virginity curtain, you won’t be able to hitch a husband in Iran as an Aqdi (permanent wife) …. But then again, not to worry, you can always become a Siqeh (temporary wife) to some fat belly Haji!

Iranian Funny Biker Monkey
Triple riding the bike (3 Tarkeh) is nothing new in Tehran or in this case Kerman; however, you have to give credit to this Persian Monkey for holding so tight as the 3rd rider! Persian Biker Monkeys, the best in the world!

Iranian Action Movie: First Move
From left to right:
Shoombalan: Even though we copy Hollywood, but with these sunglasses, I can’t help feeling like Elvis in an action movie!
Fati: Don’t I look a little bit like Angelina Jolie?
Dombalan: Even with all the props settings at Caspian Sea Shores and the yellow designer drink, the movie is still way too cheesy!
Lachaki: But look at the bright side, I dig my colorful beanie hat over my lachak scarf! It is both fashionable and Islamically proper!

Wonderfully illustrated street sign by Masal City hall
So is it Hussein-i (Persian) or Hassan-i (English) Alley? This is beside the fact that Hassan is also misspelled as “Hasan”!

At the Airport
Azam al Sadat Farahi (Mrs. Ahmadinejad): Make sure that this time you won’t embarrass me during the official state visits in Middle East.
Ahmadinejad: This schedule doesn’t match the flight plan, I’m confused, where are we going first? Why can’t we just take trains instead of planes?
Imam Khomeini’s Poster: You are screwing up my legacy more than what it already is! How can you figure out an economical plan when you can’t even figure out a flight plan? Khak bar saret!

At Lebanese Official State Dinner
From Left to Right:
Waitress: Why is this Iranian woman looks like an eggplant and dresses like a crow?
Wafaa Suleiman (Lebanese 1st Lady): Azam, couldn’t you give it a break with the chador at least for one night and for the photo ops?
Azam al Sadat Farahi (Mrs. Ahmadinejad): Hey don’t mock me, I have a PhD. If you were married to Ahmadi, you would look like this too!
Randa Berri (Lebanese Speaker of the Parliament’s wife): Azam, you could obey the Islamic Hejab but at least make it fashionable and colorful like my head scarf and manto!
Azam al Sadat Farahi (Mrs. Ahmadinejad): If I’d do that then I‘ve to also quit being IRI’s 1st Lady! Give me a break, will ya?!

At the Venezuelan Official State Visit
Ahmadinejad: I always admired your big round breasts, excuse me, I meant chest and also your stiff nipples …
Hugo Chavez: Mahmoud you are a sad liar. I know you only want me for my refined gasoline. I know with all your oil, you have a gasoline shortage due to not having enough refineries …
Ahmadi: That’s not true; I also love you because you are a chubster! I’m a chubby chaser …
Chavez: Seriously, your nose is getting larger since the last visit …
Ahmadi: Enough of that, just give me a French kiss!
Chavez: But I thought Persian style is kissing on both cheeks …
Ahmadi: Forget about it (with Italian dialect), let’s do French Style!

At Tehran Media Photo Op, Presidential Palace
Evo Morales: C’mon Mahmoud, give me your hand, don’t be shy, touch my huge balls. It’s not a myth, it is true, in Bolivia we have giant balls.
Ahmadinejad: It’s because of all the Coca leaves you chew …
Morales: That’s not true, Coca leaves makes the schlong hard and stay up but giant balls are genetics … c’mon touch them, don’t be shy … see for yourself …
Ahmadi: Don’t tempt me to do Lavat (Islamically Halaal Anal Sex), I always were curious about Latin Lovers!
Morales: The myth is true, Latins are hot lovers …
Ahmadi: Not as hot as Persians, we are globally known for Butt Bangarooni for the Kuni!
Morales: I know we are political allies but let’s do some Marxist Islamist “Trades O Love”?!
Ahmadi: As long as you use Halaal Condoms …
Morales: But of course …
Ahmadi: Then BismAllah! Ya Allah …

Iranian Star Box (Starbucks Coffee Knockoff)
So what if there are American sanctions?! We create our own knockoff version! We even make a knockoff version of the official logo (on the window)! We did the same with McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken and …

Wrong Ball
Soccer Player on the left: Oouch, you’re kicking the wrong balls; the soccer ball is up above your head!

And now for something totally different … Softball (Women’s Baseball) in Iran!

And now for something absolutely different … Welcome to the Newlywed’s Village Wedding! Allah blesses the wedding of Kableh Ali and Kal Kobra! Love knows no age limits! Allah is also passionate!

Iranian Women Paintball War Competition or S&M Hostage Taking!
Is this a paintball war competition or an S&M Hostage Taking Session? Certain questions come to the mind:
* Why the guy in the middle has his face covered with a ski hat and his hands tied up behind his back?
* Why is the referee (at center in black) is feeling this guy’s balls?
* Why is the referee wearing her shorts over her sweatpants?
* Why is the 3rd camouflaged girl (from the left) pointing her cheesy paintball gun at the camera?
* Why does the 1st camouflaged girl (from the right) looks like a transsexual boy?
* What are these girls doing with this guy and is whatever they’re doing Islamically Halaal?
These are the questions which makes you go Hmmmmmmmmm …… !

Iranian Women Paintball War Competition and the Rice Shortage!
Girls: We are not really paintball warriors but we are watching over our dad’s storage for rice bags and truck tires. Our dad is manipulating the market (Ehtekar) by mass storing rice bags and truck tires to jack up the prices. So we figured while watching over the storage, why not borrow some of the merchandise to throw a paintball war side business?!

Iranian Girls in Camouflage: Don’t we look a little bit like Charlie’s Angels with scarves?! We even brought our cameras to document this great historical event!

Tehran Metro
And how on Earth are you planning to carry all these bags in to the Metro?

Iranian Secretary sleeping incognito at work!
Question: How to sleep at work without being noticed or getting fired?

Iranian Secretary sleeping incognito at work!
Answer: This is her secret! What amazing engineering! Aren’t Persian ladies great engineers?!

The Moderate Fraction of IRI
Sadeq Larijani (left): Akbar Shah, so this week you’re a Fundamentalist?!
Rafsanjani (right): Va-Allah, from here to grave is only 4 fingers (Dai Jan Napoleon Style)! We (Kargozaran) have joined the reforms while it was hot out of the oven. Now that the flames are out, we said our goodbyes to Khatami and Mousavi and we are back in to the arms of Imam Khamenei! Long live Imam’s Line, more power to Fundamentalists!
Larijani: No wonder they call you “Commander of Construction”; throughout the IRI years you have built yourself well! That’s why you are the wealthiest man in Iran!
Rafsanjani: I’m only a businessman, any which way the wind blows!
Larijani: In Akbar Shah Sharkey Kuseh we trust!

Please learn to spell English before you write graffiti in English!
F U C K in Persian English = F A K

Ya Abalfazl
Iranian Weightlifter Champion Hossein Rezazadeh is often biting more than he can chew but he always manages to chew and eat it all up! The load is so heavy that even his hair is spiked straight!
Moral of the Story: Children, this is how you get hernia of the balls, please have mercy on your balls and do not over lift!

Iranian Gay Boys Young Rooster Hairdo!
And here is yet another Iranian Gay Hairstyle (Taj Khorusi) … Rooster Crown Hairdo, Designer Glasses and Fashion T-Shirts ….. Only if we paid more attention to Education, Politics and Revolution, rather than Music and Fashion, then IRI would have not been in power for 31 + years!
What a Shame it is that ……
…… we know everything about American Music, Movies and Fashion, but we know nothing about American Blood, Sweat, Tears and Sacrifice fighting the American Revolution to become Free and to establish Democracy!

Iranian Gay Pop Stars: Kamran and Hooman (Gayron and Gayman)
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome a Couple of Bache Kuni Gay Boys, Up and Cumming Stars in the Skies of the Cheesy Iranian 6/8 Beat Music ……
Gayron and Gayman (Kamran and Hooman) denied that they are Persian (in an interview), yet insisted that they are Canadians! Only after the Shiite had hit the fan and their fans started to boycott their concerts and break their CDs, their Persian Nationalism had resurfaced! Now for the sake of Ticket and CD sales, they are wearing Faravahar bands on their arms! In the recent months, not that they have become Persians, yet they also started to speak Persian better than the native Iranians! The things we do for money!
Gayman (Hooman): I look like Michael Jackson before he went psychotic on plastic surgery!
Gayron (Kamran): I look like Michael Jackson after he become White!

Iranian Gay Bear S&M Wrestler Hamdollah Jafari
Hamdollah Jafari: They call me Hamdollah Berenji (Rice) because after I’m done with my competition or my boy toys, I turn them to shredded pieces like rice! I’m your typical Persian Hairy Bear. I’m your Papa Grizzly, Roar Roar …… I’m here for these couple of Bache Kunis named Gayron and Gayman (Kamran and Hooman). I heard that they don’t speak Persian because they are not Persian! Let me show them “Hamdollah Junior” (pointing at his bulged leather bag holding his crotch). I’ll introduce them to “Hamdollah Junior”; he is also a thick necked hairy Persian Big Bear like me! Leave me alone with these 2 Canadian sissy boys in the basement for one long suffering hour and I promise you that afterwards, they will scream opera in Persian like a couple of native Persian Nightingales!  I’m here to turn these boys to men! So has anyone seen them around? Anyone please? Anybody?

Persian Penis Chandelier
What amazing Persian ingenuity and craftsmanship! This well hung wonderful art piece can hang in the middle of your living room like the hanging gardens of Babylon, a true world wonder! Most likely Iranian Gay Pop Stars: Kamran and Hooman (Gayron and Gayman) had special ordered one!

Persian Alice Lost in Chador Wonderland!
Persian Girl: Oh Lord, what am I doing here lost in this sea of black chadori Shiite asses?! What is this weird place (mosque) and what are these eggplants mumbling and whispering (Namaz Prayer) in this bizarre language (Arabic)? Why are they constantly bending up and down, airing out their sweaty asses? I can’t take anymore of this ass odor! Oh Lord, if you truly exist, please come on down and save me by dragging me out of this Shiite Hole, cause I surely can’t stand the heavenly Islamic smell of Body Odor, Sweaty Feet and Armpits oozing from under the chadors! Oh Lord, are you there? Can you hear me now?

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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