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Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 12

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 12
Ahreeman X
November 11, 2013

Persian Riders (Ghost Riders, Persian Style!)
“Riding more than 3 people (3 Tarkeh) on motorcycles will be banned in Iran” (Iranian Traffic Police)
“Bikers are interrupting the traffic and are creating a hazard.” (Media)
“Ghost Rider Movie Series are becoming a cult classic in Tehran!” (Media)
“Persian Bikers’ reaction to the upcoming new traffic law: Negative Resistance!” (Media)
Persian Riders: Get a load of this, cops! You’re warning about 3 Tarkeh, now check out 5 Tarkeh! Deal with it Cops!

“Riding more than 3 people (3 Tarkeh) on motorcycles will be banned in Iran” (Iranian Traffic Police)
Akbar Pacheh: No one said anything about animals!
They call me Akbar Pacheh because I’m always in to or in between lambs’ legs! I eat Pacheh for breakfast every morning. I just love “Lamb Shanks”! Now you may assume that I’m taking this lamb for sacrifice slaughter but looking at my big perverted grin, you may assume that I’m taking this lamb to my bedroom! Are you wondering which is it? Am I gonna eat or frag the lamb or maybe both?! Ha ha ha, Well burn in anticipation and suffer my friends because I won’t tell you which is it!

“With the heavy traffic in the Iranian large cities and mass automobile sales, the world famous Persian Donkeys are out of the jobs!” (Media)
Persian Donkeys: Hello, we want to ride cars too!

“With the heavy traffic in the Iranian large cities and mass automobile sales, the world famous Persian Donkeys are out of the jobs!” (Media)
“Persian Donkeys are used only in the villages!” (Media)
Porter: Poor donkey is sick and tired, let him rest and eat hay. I don’t mind to carry the burden.
Village Donkey (pondering): Poor old fool thinks I’m sick and tired, but I’m really on strike to gain equal rights (no work) and luxury same as the city donkeys!

Iranian Toilet Instruction Sign
Instruction Sign for the Easterners on how to seat on a Western Toilet!
The Incorrect and the Correct Method of Shiiting Abroad or in Domestic International Events!

Eye of the Chadori Beholder!
Eye of the Beholder (Persian Style)!

Persian Girls Before Makeover!
“Iran is Plastic Surgery Heart of the World!” (Media)
“People from around the world rush Iran for cheap plastic surgery.” (Media)
“Persian Makeover is becoming very popular amongst the Persian girls.” (Media)

Persian Girls After Makeover!
Total Persian Makeover Includes:
Nose Job
Facial Hair Burn
Eyebrow Tattoos
Eye Line Tattoos
Lip Injections
Cheek Bones Job
Chin Job
Hair Dye Job
Color Lenses
Machine Tan
Total Makeup
PS: Gain your “Natural Look” via “Total Persian Makeover”, because the Persian Makeover looks very “Natural”!!!!!!

Zizi and Shooshoo: Well thank God that all of our body parts and facial features are ours, we have no fake parts and we are 100 % Natural…!!!!!!!!!!

Green Movement Now!
Do you ever wonder what the hell has happened to the Riot Loving, Rally Walking, Protest Seeking and energetic Iranian Reformist “Green Movement” after the 2009?
Well, the “Green Movement” is still alive and well, but now they are kicked back and resting in the House Parties such as this one!

Baby: Would somebody get this fool off of me? Hey fool, couldn’t you find a pillow to put under your head? Hey fool, your head is heavy, you know?!

Poor soldier was tired; he had a long day of drills and guards duty! He just couldn’t wait to get home!

Mrs. Ahmadinejad: Ye bus midi (gimme a kiss)?
Ahmadinejad: Na, I’m pissy, I lost the presidency …
Mrs. Ahmadinejad: Look at my Qonche (flower bud) lips; c’mon let me lay a wet one on you?
Ahmadinejad: I’m not in the mood; I’ll be on the rag for months!

Ahmadinejad: On the election night, I waited for so long for the votes to come in with my eyes glued on TV that I went permanently cross-eyed! Now they call me Ahmadi Looch!

Imam’s Farewell to Ahmadinejad
Imam Khamenei: Khob, Goh zadi o rafti, you shiited all over the nation and left; It’s OK, I still love you. Come over tonight at Jamaran’s Garden, precisely at 8 O’clock and we will do Halaal Lavat (Islamically Recommended Butt Bangarooni). Butt Bangarooni for the Kuni!

Imam’s Welcome to Rouhani
Imam Khamenei: Joon, labat koloft shodeh, your lips are more voluptuous, have you done “Persian Makeover” or lip injection? C’mon and give your Imam Memei a kiss! Now it’s your turn to Mull Shiite (Mullah Bull Shiite) the Iranians and the American Government for 8 years. Happy riding the masses of Gav O Olaq (Cows and Donkeys)! Ride the Donkey of Reform for 4 or maybe 8 years and make an ass of Hussein Obama for a term or two!
Rouhani: Imam I’m your servant and at your service. This whole reform Bull Shiite is just a Show!
Rafsanjani (with envious eyes): This son of a bitch stole my presidency. I wanted to go for the 3rd term! I held many offices and now I’m the Chairman of the Expediency Council but nothing suits me like the office of presidency. Akbar Shah loves presidency!

Rouhani: Greetings, Mashallah Imam, I’m your lowly servant, thanks for erecting me as the new president of IRI.
Khamenei: Shokrulillah, Tashakor my son, it’s my pleasure, what the hell are those? You’re the president now; couldn’t you afford to come visit me with new shoes? Go buy some new shoes …
Khomeini’s Picture: Hey Memei, will this new boy be a problem or will he like Khatami be a “Bull Shiite Reformist” in our pocket? Khatami made an ass of the UN and Americans for 8 years. Make sure he will keep the Americans busy and feed them Bull Shiite for at least 4 more years because we need to totally nuke up the military!

At Imam’s Speech
Left to Right Front Row:
Rouhani (standing at left): Excuse me gentlemen, allow me to pass, so I can take a seat and listen to yet another boring Kos O She’r speech by Imam Khamenei!
Doodooli (sitting 1st from left): What are you looking at?
Smiley (2nd from left): Even after the presidency, this idiot still wears his daddy’s old shoes!
Khatami (3rd from left): I used to be the Poster Boy and the Face of Reforms, this Fatso is stealing my Face!
Rafsanjani (4th from left): Actually this fat son of an infidel pig is stealing my presidency! I wanted to go for the 3rd term and I supposed to be erected by Imam as the president but this fat son of an infidel pig acted faster and gave a better “Halaal Rahat-ol Holqoom” (Islamically Recommended Deep Throat Blow Job) to Imam. Now he got the job! That fat son of an infidel pig!

The Coming and Going Presidents
Rouhani: Thank you Mr. President for Fragging Up the economy and the nation during the last 8 years!
Ahmadinejad: Thank you Mr. President for your kind words, I carried the torch of Islam for 8 years, now it’s your turn to Frag Up the economy and the nation for the next 4 to 8 years! Best wishes, just have faith in Allah and Allah will aid you to Frag Iran!
Rouhani: I love this job, we have been Bull Shiiting the Iranians, UN, Americans and the World for 3 decades and ongoing …..

“Rouhani has already started negotiations with the various fractions in the Parliament and the Government.” (Media)
Rouhani (to Baba Quri): Doolam Didi? Have you seen mine? Hey, I’ll show you mine and you don’t even have to show me yours! Mine is healthy and fat like myself! C’mon gimme your hand, touch it …
Baba Quri: Akh joon, Akheysh ….. , my mouth is watering, Ahhhh, Ah tell me more …

Iranian MPs during an exciting Majlis Parliament session, working so hard for the people of their districts!

“At the UN Annual Meeting, the new Iranian Reformist President brought forward new issues and offered an Olive Branch to the US President, Barack Hussein Obama!” (Media)
Rouhani (saying): Ladies and Gentlemen, witness a new Iran, where we move forward towards the global peace and shared nuclear benefits, of course solely for electrical and industrial usage … bla bla BLA …
Rouhani (thinking): For Allah’s sake, these people are so gullible! I’m practically reading off the paper, Khatami’s first UN speech with a dash of Mull Shiite (Mullah Bull Shiite), yet these people are getting wet in their shorts about my New Reformist Stands!

“Barack Hussein Obama and Hassan Rouhani had political Phone Sex!” (Media)
Hassan and Hussein Love Affair!
(Old IRI Reformist and US Liberal Game)
Hussein: Well now the steering wheel of the New IRI – USA Relations is in the hands of my good friend Hassan …
Hassan: Well now the steering wheel of the New IRI – USA Relations is in the hands of Allah …

Iranian Side Street Creeks are Legendary!
(Jub ham jub-haye Iran!)
Hassan: I told you don’t cross the creek…
Hussein: But this isn’t a creek, it’s a well!
Abbas (middle): I gotta take a picture of this!

Car Jack, Persian Style!

Satellite TV Antenna, Persian Style!

Do you suffer from rheumatism or arthritis pain? Not to worry, Pure 100 % Donkey Oil for rheumatism & arthritis pain has just arrived to the market! What part of the donkey does this oil come from? Only Allah knows!

Awesomely Funny but True Iranian Stationary Store Sign
Great News for the Students:
The Famous Invisible Cheating Pens are now in stock!
Buy yours now because they don’t last long!
We also supply all types of Software …

Kurdish Pizza
Just try it once!
Once you go Kurd, you’ll never go back!

What the hell is that?
Special Ordered Extra Long Barbari Persian Flat Bread!

Announcement Ad:
The National Youth Organization has set standards
Marriage with Government Standards
Standards for Men:
Strength; Wide Shoulders; Social Fame; Self Defense Power; Morally Clean Sight, Thoughts and Actions
Standards for Women:
Proportionate Body; Delicate Hair, Eyebrows and Voice; Morality and Virginity; Obedience to Husband

Funny Iranian Park Sign:
Pets (dogs and donkeys) are absolutely not allowed in the park.
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me, are you telling us that aside the fruit and munchies peddlers with donkeys, there are people who actually own pet donkeys in Iran?!

Persian Mobile Security System!
Attention Pickpockets:
Iranian Smart Phone Security System is the strongest in the globe!

Lock on the emergency public phone! Is it really necessary?
In Iran? Hell yes, it is necessary!
In Iran, they steal an unattended piss bucket full of piss, set aside a phone!

“The Concert is Sold Out.
Until further announcement, you are welcome to enter for free!”
Enayat: Then why the hell did we buy tickets?
Kefayat: Because you’re a fool!

Have you ever wondered what is happening inside the Iranian classrooms?

And now for something totally different, please observe the latest creative Persian Style Chandelier designed by a dorm room college student from the fled by night University of Abarqoo!

Now that is called a professional Iranian Multi-Tasker Waiter!

Tehran’s Traffic is so bad and so slow that on the way to work, Javad often has to get out of his car, throw a gelim on the Intersection Xing and work on his computer!

“Hossein Rezazadeh Iranian Weightlifting Champion often complained about a strange odor throughout the tournament!” (Media)
Hossein Rezazadeh: God damn lizard eating, camel milk drinking Arab laid another one!
Qatar Champion (Red): Stop insulting us Arabs and I didn’t fart!
Hossein: I wasn’t talking about you!
Qatar: Then who?
Hossein: I was talking about this God Damn Rag Head who hands the medals! After he distributes the medals, he always turns his back to me and quickly lays a silent stink bomb before he takes off! I think the son of a bitch has an issue with me! After receiving 3 medals from him, ….. God, I’m choking, I can’t take it anymore!

Chador and Aftabeh!
Creative Aftabeh Iranian Toilet Pitcher Sexy Ad

We ran out of Hookah Qalyan, so now we serve the customers with homemade Toilet Pitcher Aftabeh Qalyan but of course our apple blend tobacco is original!

“There is a shortage of Aftabeh in Iran!” (Media)
Aftabeh = Islamically Halaal Iranian Toilet Pitcher
Ahmadinejad: I hold my Aftabeh even when I read Quran!
General: I hold my Aftabeh when I pray listening to you reciting Quran!
Ahmadinejad: Then how come yours is bigger than mine?
General: Well look at my size and then your size! You’re a little Shiite but I’m full of Shiite!

Those Funny Iranian Generals inspecting the parade!
“Azan (Muslim Call of Prayer) is recited with one hand up next to the face so the voice echoes.” (Media)
Asqar (Right): What the hell is he doing?
Akbar (Middle): I don’t know but I’m saluting!
Qazanfar (Left): I’m just reciting Azan (Muslim Call of Prayer)!

“IRI Iran Air travels the symbolic life-size Fat-Head picture of Imam Khomeini to anniversary ceremonies around the nation!” (Media)
Imam Khomeini maybe not present but his spirit is always present at the airport official ceremonies and he actively inspects the troops!
Imam Khomeini: Who said I’m dead? It was a filthy Communist Lie made in Paris!

Persian Engineering Ingenuity!
Well, my old eastern toilet broke down and the only thing I had left was this new western toilet, so I dug a hole in my bathroom floor and stuck the western toilet in there!

This revolutionary engineering and installment of the stall doors can only be designed in Iran! Only in Iran baby ……

Where is the Iranian Dress Police when you need them?!

Persian Gay Pop Stars: Gayron and Gayman (Kamran and Hooman)
Jendeh-jat-e Dool Dar (Chicks with Dicks): We do anything for money, just tell us what to do and we’ll do it! We deny we’re Persian, we say we’re Canadian, then we wear Faravahar armbands to make Persians forgive and forget what we said, we wear flags, cheesy uniforms, faggot getups and even skirts! Just give us a chance, 30 minutes on stage and your money! We do anything; just give Gayron and Gayman a chance! C’mon man?! Kiss Kiss ……

Persian Fashion Faggots!
Bache Kunis (Little Faggots): Hey, we just got “make overs” not to fall behind “Gayron and Gayman” (Kamran and Hooman)! We are solid fans and followers of the Persian Gay Pop Stars, Kamran and Hooman!
Kiss Kiss ......

Persian Gay Bears: We are solid fans and followers of the Persian Gay Pop Stars, Kamran and Hooman (Gayron and Gayman) too! We follow them everywhere all the way to the public bathrooms! Why do you think they’re so jumpy and energetic in the concerts? Because before every concert, we inject them with some Pure Persian Beef “Long-Schlongs”, deep and hard at backstage! We do “Persian Power Butt Plugs” on them sissy boys and “Charge” them backstage, so like the Energizer Battery Bunny, they just go scream, jump and jam on and on and on, on the stage! Kiss Kiss ......

Qodrat Koloft: My name is Qodrat (Power) and I am Koloft (Thick)! My eyebrows are thick, my hair is thick, my mustache is thick, my body hair is thick, my biceps are thick and everything else down there in my pants are also very thick! I’m not just a Tehran street thug but I’m also a Gayron and Gayman (Kamran and Hooman) fan! I’m a very “Thick” fan of them Boy Toys! If they ever throw a concert in Iran, I’ll be the first knocking on their door with my “Thick Kharzeh” (Schlong)! Ya Ali Madad, Ya Hussein! Ya Allah! Kiss Kiss .......

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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