Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 15
Ahreeman X
February 17, 2017
Persian Duff
“Iran is the primary destination in the world for inexpensive plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures and sex change operations.” (Media)
“Persian Duffs are taking over North Tehran!” (Media)
“Duff (Persian Duff) = (1) Sexy Fashionable Blonde Persian Girl, (2) A Fashionable Airhead Persian Girl, (3) A Persian Girl (usually inside Iran) often head to toe fake (due to cosmetic procedures), Western looking, shallow and superficial." Source:
Persian Slangs Dictionary of IPC Alternative Terms
Ahreeman X: Ladies and Gentlemen, your average Persian Duff (Fashionable Airhead) from head to toe fake:
Dyed Blonde Hair
Eyebrow Liner Tattoo
Eyeliner Tattoo
Colored Contact Lenses
Nose Job
Cheek Bones Job
Chin Job
Silicon Lips
Silicone Boobs
Allah knows what else!
Soosoo (formerly named Sakineh): Khak tu saret Ahreeman, may you rot in Allahic Hell for exposing us Persian Duffs!
“Behnaz Shafiei the Iranian Biker Girl dreams of becoming women’s Motocross world champion but the Islamic Regime doesn’t even believe that the women should participate in Motocross sports!” (Media)
“Behnaz Shafiei Iranian Motocross Biker Girl splitting at the pits!” (Media)
Ahreeman: Behnaz jan I understand that you are in sulk with the Muslims and Mullahs and this is a political gesture but please have mercy on your Suzie! Splitting like this, specifically on top of the bikes can rip that Suzie apart, then we have to take you to the clinic to patch it up or else no one would marry you in Iran! No virginity = No Marriage!
Behnaz: Stop fingering me Ahreeman! Am I your new subject of mockery?
Ahreeman: Darling as a biker I feel your pain. Dear I dare to mock you, but it is the nature of Ahreeman to finger all!
Behnaz: Well I don’t need to marry, I have married to sports!
Ahreeman: Is Sports, a buffed Persian Female Body Builder Butch Girl named Shirin Nobahari who just got arrested by the Moral Police for posing nude and posting the photos on the Instagram?
Behnaz: So what if I’m a Dyke? What’s wrong with that?
Ahreeman: Nothing at all! In fact I am fond of Dykes, even Butch Dykes and Bull Dykes! There is nothing wrong with a little Tabaq Zani (Suzie on Suzie Action)! More power to the Suzie! Long Live Lesbians! Down with Islam and Muslims who do not allow women to do Sports and Little Sports Action in the pits or in the bed!
For more information on Tabaq Zani and Modern Islamic Sensual Guide for the Pious Muslim:
Islamic Encyclopedia for Proper Masturbation (Book of Jalq) in 2 Volumes
“Islam and Islamic Republic don’t recognize Action Sports as a field of sports for women!” (Media)
Ahreeman: Eh! Bazam split kardi? Badtar kardi? Baba jer mikhori, bayad berim bakhiyeh bezanim choochool-o! Didn’t I tell you that you will rip that Suzie apart? Now you doing a much worst and wider split!
Behnaz: (sing along oldies song style)
It’s my Suzie and it’s my Suzie
I split if I want to; I split if I want to
You would split too!
If they took your sweetheart to jail too!
You would split too,
If it happens to you!
Lala LaLa La La ..
Ahreeman: Behnaz jan, as a biker and a lover I feel your pain, but the same as Muslims, I am concerned about your Suzie; however, Muslims’ concern is due to the fact that Islam is all about the Belly and Under Belly (shikam o zir-e shikam), yet my concern is a genuine concern about the poor little Suzie which under the split pressure may rip!
Behnaz: You should be ashamed of yourself!
Ahreeman: What can I say, Ahreeman’s my name, and Suzie’s my concern!
“Women Motocross bikers practice at the pits, away from the long arms and watching eyes of the Moral Police and Sisters of Zeynab (Female Dress Police)!” (Media)
Sister of Zeynab (out of the picture): Hey girls, make sure to cover your heads and hairs when biking!
Behnaz to her Friend: Bazam in jendeha umadan! There is no escape from these Muslim whores!
Ahreeman: Only in Iran you can see chadori women in full hejab standing next to Persian biker girls in full biker gears and bad hejab!
Now that’s what I call a perfect marriage of the Old Persian design and modern biker helmet gear!
“Islamic Regime: Action Sports are not proper for women” (Media)
In Dreams of Glory!
Behnaz Shafiei: Oh boy, I’m tired …. my life is getting wasted here! With proper training abroad, I could be making great money and be world famous, but instead, I’m sitting in the pits and envy the world! FAQ Islam and Muslims!
And what the Hell is this?
Ahreeman: Biker Stunts, Persian Style!
Bazam 3 Tarkeh?!
Triple Ride, Persian Style!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran!
Persian Bike is available in Iran but the sun-proof / rain-proof umbrella cover roof is extra!
7 Tarkeh?!
Are you kidding me? Really?!
The whole family of 7 on a flimsy moped? Only in Iran baby … only in Iran!
And what the Hell is this?
Ahreeman: Persian ingenuity!
Do not throw away the old stirring wheel of your junk car; it may come handy for your bicycle!
Iranian Street Food vender sign:
“Star Kaboby, with Health Department Approved Service at your service!”
Special out of town hangout for the bikers with special upside down cone grill!
Ooh baby driver, ooh baby driver, driving down the street …
Soli: Hey baby, do you wanna date?
Nazilla: Boro gom sho qozmit, get lost loser …
And now a brand new Anti Theft Auto Device from Islamic Republic of Iran!
Chadori: Stop mocking IRI, we are self sufficient in our productions, we even wash our own asses with our “Made in Iran” Aftabeh (Islamic toilet Pitcher) productions! It is called Supply and Demand, get it Ahreeman? Not that we are self sufficient, yet we produce more Aftabeh than we need, that’s because we Shiite too much, in fact we Shiited all over Iran via Islamic Revolution of Iran! Now we are exporting the Excess Shiite and Aftabeh to clean it, to the whole region!
Islamic Segregation: Separate but Equal
Who said women’s rights are getting Shiited all over in Iran? Do you want more equality than this? In public bathrooms there are separate Aftabeh for the sisters and brothers! For Allah’s sake, they have their own Aftabeh, separate but equal! Do you possibly want more women’s rights in Iran?
Children’s Chocolate Milk before and after 1979 Islamization of Iran
Who said Islam did not bare any fruits for Iran?
Welcome and help yourselves to the fruits of IRI
Park Sign: Installation of tents and camping in the sea shore park is absolutely forbidden!
Akbari: I just imported the Beemer to Tehran; the "Euro-Pee-On" EU plates are still on it, what the hell is this damn cow doing lying on the Beemer’s hood? She is crushing it!
Asqari: Don’t say that, you hurt her feelings! Actually you should support this beautiful patriotic Persian Cow. Even Persian animals only love Beemer and Benz! Don’t hate her because she is beautiful!
Exam day at the school and a cake for the teacher!
Cake writing: For the life of your mother (for God’s sake) don’t take the exam today!
At the Armed Forces Rally
Photographer on the left: I can’t see anything except the cop’s butt!
Photographer on the right: You gotta be creative and go in between their legs to get that perfect shot of Rahbar Imam Khamenei!
Soldier: Ohoy Buzineh, you baboon, get off the leg and stop touching between my legs, I may get horny and then it will be only Halaal (Islamically recommended) to do the Lavat (Islamic Anal Sex) on you!
Two sheep are missing: one goat and one sheep!
We ask the finder or people with any information on this case to call the below number. We thank you in advance.
Store Shut Down Sign:
This butcher shop due to unhealthy practices and Haraam (Islamically Incorrect) beheading of Donkeys, production and distribution of Donkey meat is shut down until the further notice!
Health Department
Funny Iranian Diner Sign Menu:
Gazelle Diner
Barberry Rice with Rice (in circle) 3500 Tuman!
Sultani Kabob (Barg and Kubideh) with Rice 6000 Tuman
Barg Kabob with Rice 5000 Tuman
Bakhtiari Kabob with Rice 5000 Tuman
Funny Iranian Exam Form Print
Form: Do not write in this box
Student: OK!
Funny Iranian Mosque Sign:
Entrance of Gentlemen to the Ladies Prayer Area and the use of Chadors (Persian Hejab) by them are absolutely forbidden!
Ahreeman Joon: Now what are you trying to say? That Persian guys sneak in to women’s prayer area with chadors to sneak a little peekalou or possibly do a pinch or finger the ladies? No way! Not in Iran!
Average Convenient Store in Tehran sign:
Sandwiches, Photocopy, ice creams, flowers and …… Obstetrician Tools!
Are Available Here!
Ahreeman Joon: Yes folks, in case of a quick abortion or childbirth, the tools are provided at your corner convenient store!
Iranian Wall Graffiti, Persian Style!
Folks, please pray for me because my wife wants a divorce!
Funny Iranian Wall Sign:
“Condemnation be upon who he urinates here!”
Ahreeman Joon: Why don’t you just say: Son of a bitch don’t piss here?! Why do you have to bring God and Religion in to it?! I guess it works better if you put the curse of Allah upon the peeper!
Water Closet for Foreign Guests Only!
Ahreeman Joon: Now that’s toilet discrimination! I thought we were over Capitulation (Capitolasion) Laws!
I thought Reza Shah abolished the Capitulation Laws!
Iranian Toilet Training Public Bathrooms Sign:
Instructions:
Left: This is how you sit on the Western Toilets
Right: This is how you squat on the Eastern Toilets
Ahreeman Joon: And if you do them opposite, then you will fall in to those toilets!
Plug from Nowhere!
And this is how your bold neighbor steals your electricity in Iran!
A Day at “Beyt-e Rahbari” (House of Leadership):
Khamenei: Once again we pulled a Good Cop and Bad Cop on the people and fooled them!
Rouhani: Yes, we gonna ride the cattle for another 4 years with Reform crap, hee hee hee …
Khamenei: It’s amazing how gullible are the Iranians, hee hee hee ….
Rouhani: They give us piggy back rides like working donkeys …
Khamenei: Every 4 years we play the election game on them and they fall for it!
Rouhani: I think Iranians are the greatest cattle and Sheeple in the world!
Khamenei: Soon we have to play yet again another Conservative, Moderate and Reformist show election for them hee hee hee …
Rouhani: No more Moderate, Rafsanjani is dead, so it will be only you Conservatives and us Reformists, hee hee hee …
Khamenei: What a charade, what a ride, it’s 38 years and ongoing that we ride the Iranian Sheeple …
Rouhani: And like obedient slaves, they are soft like clay in our palms …
Khamenei: You know what they say, don’t you?
Rouhani: What?
Khamenei: If you give 5 Cents to the Mullah, you can never get it back; now imagine handing a country to the Mullahs! Good luck taking it back! Hee hee hee I kill myself ….
Rouhani: With these Iranian Sheeple, we will run Iran for another 38 years, hee hee hee..
Khamenei: Ajab mardom-o Kir kardim ha!
Rouhani: Ajab Kiri be melat zadim, Ruh-e Khomeini shad ke nun-e mar-o roqan zad!
Khomeini: Thanks to Carter and Khomeini we are healthy, wealthy, giddy and happy!
Rouhani: Don’t Evil Eye us, don’t jinx us, knock on the wood!
Khomeini: Praise be upon Allah, Muhammad, Khomeini and Islam Religion of Fools!
Rouhani: Thanks to Islam, we be riding the fools for another 38 years!
Khomeini: Ya Allah Haji …
Rouhani: Bismellah Imam ….
“As long as his hand in limp (due to assassination attempt bombing the Majlis), Imam Khamenei enjoys young pasdars (IRGC Revolutionary Guards) or young pasebans (Police) to rub hemorrhoids cream on his rectum to soothen his aching and burning hemorrhoids!” (Media)
Iranian Security Forces: This arm up Supreme Spiritual Leader’s Butt! Ya Imam, we are at your service! Dar khedmat-e Rahbari, In mosht-ha ta dast-e vo shuneh tu kun-e Imam!
At Security Forces After Meeting Prayer:
Qolam (staring on the left): Why is Haji (pilgrim) reads Namaz (Muslim Prayer) so close to his chin?!
Yadollah (in the middle back looking at Qolam): He wants to gain a better place in afterlife, more comfortable tent with younger teenage 72 virgins!
Haji (old man standing in the middle): La Ellaha Ella Allah (loud), no speaking during Namaz or my Namaz will be nullified and not accepted by Allah! Don’t you know that farts, poop in pants, exposing Ourat (Schlong) and talks makes the Namaz Nullified?
After Prayer Parade:
Akbari: Mullahs with machineguns?
Asqari: Relax, it’s just for show! Mullahs aren’t fighters, they’re lovers! They just marry many Siqeh (temporary wives) and slush down (steal) the National Budget!
Sisters of Zeynab Moral and Dress Police Rally
Sakineh (left): We write our slogans on our hands so we will not forget to shout them!
Soqra (middle): Slogans like: Death to America, My Dear Leader, I Sacrifice My Life for Leader …
Kobra (right): Well don’t laugh, we are short attention spanned Muslim whores built for “Siqeh” (temporary marriage), so our memories are limited and we must write slogans on our hands to remember what to shout during the rally! It is perfectly normal for a good Muslim woman to do such!
Sakineh (left): Hey Zahra, raise that “Death to America” placard higher so the Imam will notice that we are truly “Maktabi” (people of the book)!
All Muslim Whores together: Marg bar Amrika (Death to America), Marg bar ……
“Imam Khomeini and Imam Khemenei are both solid believers in Sex Operations and Transsexual Rights to sex change but heavily against Homosexual Rights!” (Media)
“Iran is the number one travel destination for cheap sex operations!” (Media)
Transsexual: Long live Imams Khomeini and Khamenei protectors of Transsexuals. In Iran we don’t need bathroom rights or Transgender bathroom declarations and announcements. We just cut off your shambool and turn you to a woman, so you can use women’s bathroom! Down with Homos, log live Chicks with Dicks … Hey Hey, Ho Ho, Chop the Shambool, got to go … Hey Hey, Ho Ho …
“Iranian Women's Soccer National Team was banned from Olympics for wearing Hejab Islamic Scarves.” (Media)
“Iranian Women’s National Team was banned from tournaments because some of the players were men!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Honestly, take a good look at this team and tell me if you can point to one single female? Do you see even one woman? This is not a women’s soccer team, but these guys are a bunch of ugly Transsexuals. No wonder they had to keep their hejabs, because if they took them off, it would be pretty obvious that they are men! I mean, I have seen Juicy Chicks with Dicks but these guys are some abdominal ugly ass Trannies who look like Dick Cheese or Missing Links, take your pick?!
There are 2 Irans inside Iran! One Iran is what you see in Hezbollah Rallies around the large cities of Iran such as this protest rally where little Muslim Whores and future “Siqeh” (temporary marriage) candidates rally hard for Imam and Islam! You will see unlimited chadori and lachaki ignorant sluts wrapped in hejab, waving “Death to America” and “Death to Israel” placards. They are often wrapped in chador with stupid Palestinian checkered Scarves around their necks (symbol of Islamic Revolutionaries) shouting from the top of their lungs Anti Western and Pro Islamist Slogans! But in reality, and in between the lines, they are shouting: “We want to be the second to fourth wives of some rich Haji (pilgrim) or Mullah! There is no shortage of ignorant Muslim Whores in Iran!
Then you see this Iran where head to toe cosmetic surgery alumni girls hardy party in private parties loading up with booze, drugs, cigarettes and wild sexual orgies! There is absolutely no middle ground with Iranians! It is a nation of extremists!
Iranians live a dual life and Islam had made them a nation of liars! They live a life of pretence outside the house!
Chadori Girl: Who’s lying jigar, joon, you wanna see what’s under the chador?!
And then this is what’s going on inside the house! Iranians are living a lie!
Zhila (left): Base dige toam, stop bashing Iranians’ lifestyle! Fati worked so hard downloading the bottle of booze, let me give her a titty massage and relax her!
Fati (right): Akh joon, that’s great but now rub the right one a little bit!
Overall, Iran is one wild and crazy nation!
Wild Persian Girls: that’s right; this is what really going on inside Iran! We are some wild and crazy girls!
Maryam: Hey Ahreeman, you haven’t seen anything yet! Do you wanna see the Real Iran? Come inside to the back of the garden and I’ll blow your mind!
Mamoosh jan, I just wonder, do you actually wear those heels inside the house or do you only put them on for the photo op?
And now a brand new style of bending over for Namaz Islamic Prayer, Persian Style!
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me, what kind of behavior is this in an Islamic country?
Shahla: This is not what it seems to be, I’m only reading Namaz (Islamic Prayer)!
There are the rich and classy Persian Girls ……
Ahreeman Joon: It is amazing how Persian girls are always posing for the camera, even when the cameras are not around!
And then there are the Psychotic Revengeful Persian Girls ……
Ahreeman Joon: Oh God, again this girl from the cheesy Iranian Hollywood Style Thriller the bloody film “ First Move”?!
Psycho Actress: Ahreeman don’t make me cut off your shambool!
And now the Ministry of Culture and Islamic Guidance (Ershad) will put forward the latest allowed and legal hairdo for men! Cut your hair like productive members of the Islamic society or you will be arrested, jailed and lashed!
Ahreeman: No Bache Kuni, Kakoli (Rooster Crown) hairdo is not in the Ershad list!
Aboli Kun Bala Khan: Ahreeman you’re no fun!
Bache Kunis: We are Action Boys of Tehran, hey Ahreeman, is our hairdos Islamically correct?
Ahreeman: No Bache Kunis, not that your hairdos are not Islamically correct but also your gay shirts are not fashionably correct! Actually it is a fashion sin to dress up in those gay shirts!
And it’s not just the hairdo but pants like this is also a fashion sin!
Bache Kuni: But it’s a fashion statement!
Ahreeman: I know Iranians like Peugeot Automobiles but do you actually believe that you can wear this in Downtown Tehran, walk the streets and not get gangbanged by thick necked, thick mustached Persian thugs of Down Town and become their Boy Toy? Or maybe that is your desire and goal?!
So basically it is all about: Stop being so gay!
“Keep Calm and Kuni (Kooni) Nabash!”
Not that there is anything wrong with Homosexuality (Seinfeld)!
But cut down on bright gay colors and eye blinding Pseudo Gay Fashion!
“Iranian gay pop stars Kamran and Hooman called themselves Canadians in the media and only after the fans boycott them, they started to wear Faravahar Persian Emblems to pretend that they are patriotic Persians, so they could sell concert tickets and albums!” (Media)
“Kamran and Hooman released a new album ‘Mantegh Nadaram’ (I have no logic)!” (Media)
Kamran: Ma mardomo kos gir avordim-ha! We are Bull Shiiting the people!
Hooman: How?
Kamran: One day we are Canadians and one day we are Persians …
Hooman: That’s because we have no logic!
Kamran: No, that’s because we are low life opportunist bastards!
Hooman: Amen brother!
Kamran: They say Kuni people (gays) are bold because they gave too much ass away, do you think that’s the reason we played these Canadian – Persian – Faravahar games?
Hooman: No, I think we did it because we are assholes!
Kamran: Double Amen brother!
“Sajad Gharibi Iranian Hulk Body Builder Thug is a big fan of Kamran and Hooman!” (Media)
Sajad: Listen Bache Kunis (Boy Toys), I also have no logic! You keep on playing these faggoty games, then I have to come to Los Angeles and FAQ the Shiite out of you both and make sure that I will rip your Tushi Holes apart. Don’t make me come to LA and stick the Sword of Islam in your Canadian Bun Buns!
(Bache Kunia man ham Manteq Nadaram o mikham Moameleh ro bendazam junetun, hala dad o havar bezanin o zajr bekeshin! Man umadam jeretun bedam!)
“Rasul and Hojat are famous Iranian Gay Hairy Bears!” (Media)
Rasul (left): Bache Kunia, Hojat and I want to show you some manteq (logic). Hojat has 6 inches and I have 8 inches, so we gonna give you 14 inches of sheer hard logic so you can become logical like Fisaghores or Plato!
Hojat (right): Yeh, I like to give logic to Bache Kunis!
“Iranian Gay Bear Convention was held in LA near Kamran and Hooman Concert!” (Media)
Left to Right:
Qafar Pashmi (Hairy Qafar) because he is as hairy as a monkey in heat
Rauf Qodeh (Tumor Rauf) because his Schlong is as huge as a giant tumor
Abbas Obi (Faggoty Abbas) because he always sticks to you like glue
Qodrat Sikh Kabob (Skewer Qodrat) because his Schlong is as hard as a stainless steel Kabob skewer
Qafar (left): After the concert, we went back stage and after half an hour, they had to take Kamran and Hooman to the hospital to stitch their butt holes tight again! Bakhiyeh zadand! We handed them Bache Kunis 9 + 9 + 9 + 10 = 37 inches of Pure Persian Pride Prime Meats! Rauf is the one with 10 inches! La masab ehtekar kardeh! Haq-e mar-o khordeh! Kamran and Hooman will never forget that night and surely will have a lot of logic after that night! Manteq-eshun dadim!
Akbar Sag Dast (Doggie Handle Akbar), don’t even ask why they call him Doggie Handle, just don’t ask, don’t tell!
Akbar Sag Dast: Kamran and Hooman always join me in my hot tub! Why you ask? Let’s just say that they always gain much more logic than they came for! I always give them plenty of logic! After the hot tub, they often hold their back and front and run like hell! Pas o pish ro migiran o mesle barq jim mishan! Manteq be jofteshun midam!
“Afrasiab Azoleh (Muscle Afi) is a top Persian Body Builder from the sect of Persian Pervert S&M Hairy Bears!” (Media)
Muscle Afi: I been after these two Bache Kunis for a long time! I just want to find them and teach them some manteq logic because they don’t have any! I can teach them a lot about my Foot Long (12 inches) Prime Persian Logic! Bache Kunia, come to Afi Joon, Afi is after you! I would love to bang them on the heads with Afi Kuchikeh (Small Afi) to knock some logic into their small brains!
Soli Joon (Soheil Kuni): Kamran joon, Hooman joon, bacheha biyayn Park-e Saee jam’ shim, hame ba ham tu ham konim, taki daste jami hal konim, savab dareh kheyresho bebinin! Manam manteq Nadaram, vagarna ke inqad bi parva nabudam!
(Kamran and Hooman, let’s get together in Saee Park, Tehran and do the nasty to each other! I also don’t have logic or else I wouldn’t be so openly GayLa in IRI!)
Ahmadinejad (in his 3D Atomic DEVO Shades): Joon, everyone talked so much logic and Kun Kunak Bang and Bologna that I got turned on! Well I have to admit that I am also after Kamran and Hooman. Everyone knows that I absolutely have no logic! Who said I’m a homophobe? I’m actually a homolobe! I have one lobe of my brain Islamist and one lobe gay! Sometimes I hate homos but that’s because sometimes I hate to grab them and show them the power of Islam and the absent Imam Zaman with my kharzeh! It’s kind o complicated because I don’t know if I hate them or I hate to FAQ them! It’s the Islamist Dilemma! Prophet Muhammad himself had this dilemma with Salman-e Farsi, he didn’t know if he loved him or loved to bang him! By the way, I still believe we don’t have any gays in Iran!
Haj Qeyluleh (Napping Pilgrim): Yeeeees, I was also young once … I had hopes and desires … I had no logic … I used to bang youngins like Kamran and Hooman … I used to force the sword of Islam in Koffar’s Bun Buns … Yes, there’s a Persian saying, Smoke comes from the Old Log … Yeeees, Dud az kondeh boland misheh …. Yeeees youngins, come here from Los Angeles and I will teach you a thing or two …. Haji got the experience! Man ham manteq nadashtam!
Haj Abdollah: No, not at all … I’m not gay and I have nothing to do with this Ahreemanic Gay Drama production episode! I just came here to tell you that the 4 Sangak Breads which you ordered are ready to pick up, here you go! I’m no Bache Kuni and neither is Mashti Siyah (Black Mashhad City Pilgrim) my assistant behind me! I’m just a Sangak Bread Baker, aren’t they delicious? The best crispy Sangak Bread in the world! Ay Ahay Sangak darim, begir o bebar, daq daq bokhor …come and get your best Persian Sangak bread … Sangaketun bedam!
And the legend shall continue … those funny crazy Persians will be back, until next time, dast-e haq hamrat! Adios Amigos! Ahreeman posht O panahet! Haj Ahreeman got to go baby! Only in Iran baby, only in Iran ……
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