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Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 18

 

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 18

Ahreeman X
December 12, 2020

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2021 to All
It’s the time of the year you been waiting for!
Only in Iran Christmas Special is here!
Hot Out of the IPC Oven, Come and Get it!


Little Red Persianhood 2021
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2021


Ho ho ho how howl Howling!
Well, that Christmas laughter got a bit twisted, it’s the Ahreemanic Wolfen in me! It’s the time of the year you been waiting for! Only in Iran Christmas Special is here! How are yous kiddies? Well, hello boys and girls, how are you doing with the lockdowns, COVID-19 and if in USA, the Deep State Socialist Regime? The Dark Winter of Biden is coming! Not to worry, I’ll keep you warm with the Ahreemanic Fire! 2020 really sucked, wasn’t it? No matter where you are, it simply sucked! Death, Disease, China Export of Death and global domination! Hope for a better year in 2021. Let me get your minds off of problems. 2 years ago, I brought you gold presents, last year silver presents and this year purple presents indeed! Purple is the Ancient Persian Color!  Purple and silver indeed! Never say that I never bring you Christmas presents! Here you go:


Persian Purple Christmas Presents from Ahreeman X, Merry Christmas.

Only in Iran 17

Only in Iran16

Only in Iran Episodes


On behalf of IPC, Little Red Persianhood and myself, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. This year, I cooked something very delicious for yous. Now we’ll get to the joys of the Christmas. Come gather around Poppa Ahreeman, sit around the fireplace, have a glass of hot Persian Tea with Persian sweats and let me tell you a Persian Tale! A wonderful Persian Christmas Story. I know you have been waiting for this tale, the whole year long, so without further due, I will serve you the main dish! C’mon boys and girls, come and get it while its hot out of the IPC Oven! And here is our Persian Christmas Tale, Tis the Season ……. it was the night before Christmas. It was a snowy, cold winter night and the kids were all anxiously waiting for the Santa Clause to arrive and then:


Little Red Persianhood 2021
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone. May the season be jolly for all.


Persian Girl with fashionable red scarf: Seasons Greetings Everyone


Persian Christmas Bunny hopped over to say season’s greetings to you!


Persian Yalda Girl came over to tell you Happy Mitra (Christmas). Yalda is a Persian Festival for the longest night of the year (December 20) and Mitra is the Persian root of your Christmas (December 25). You are aware that your Christmas came from Iran, right? So, go thank Persians for the foundation of Christmas, like the foundation of everything else in the civilized world! Mitraism is the foundation of Christianity:

Mitra Persian Sun Goddess and Mitraism: Foundations of Christianity!
Mitra and Mitraism Pictorial History: Book of Mitra in 5 Chapters

Persian Mythology, Gods and Goddesses
Pictorial Research and Guide in 3 Chapters

Persian Festivals
Iran Culture and Language Index


Sexy Persian Yalda Girl in winter fashion designer outfit wishes you a Happy Yalda, Happy Mitra, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2021.


And don’t ever say that I never leave anything for you under the Christmas Tree! There’s your Persian Bunny for Christmas! Ho ho ho how Howl Howling …….


Iranian Intellectual Snowman, the Snowman Festival, Tabriz, Iran
Christmas is a time of joy and there are many Snowman Festivals conducted around the large cities of Iran. Persians love building snowmen!


Trump Iranian Snowman, the Snowman Art Festival, Pardisan Park, Tehran, Iran
One of the best iconic snowmen this year was the Trump Snowman! Iranian people love Trump. He is the only American president who actually was on Iranian people’s side, rather than the Mullahs side! For the same reason, Iranian people inside Iran, hate Hussein Obama, Jimmy Carter, Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats!


Trump Iranian Snowman, the Snowman Art Festival at the Pardisan Park, Tehran, Iran
Trump is very popular amongst the Iranian people. Iran is a rare example in the Middle East where the people love America but the regime hates America! Mostly everywhere else, the people hate America and the regimes love America because the regimes are in cahoots with the US government! Trump is the most popular US president in Iran because he stood with the Iranian people. The only Iranians who hate Trump are the Mullahs, Hezbollah, their lap dogs in America which is the Iran Lobby and indeed the wealthy or uninformed Iranian American Democrats:

Iranian American Democrats, who are they?

Democrats Always Misfire on Iran!
History of Democrats & Mullahs 4 Decades of Cooperation!

Google Iranian American Corrupt Management
Google, Facebook and Twitter Iranian American Management

History of Democrats & Mullahs: Democrats' Misfires Thread


Sexy Persian Snowboarder Girl wishes you a very Merry Christmas and a Jolly Happy New Year
Shemshak Ski Resort, Iran


Persian Skier Girls wish you a wonderful Holiday Seasons
Dizin Ski Resort, Karaj, Alborz, Iran


A Special Message from Iran
Persian Skier Girls: We love you America, say Hi to Trump and please say FAQ you to Democrats and tell Iran Lobby to go screw themselves! Thank you kindly, many loves and kisses, Persian Skier Girls!


A Special Kiss form Iran
This special kiss was sent directly from Iran to Trump! I am just the messenger:
President Trump we love you, thank you for standing with the Iranian people. Please tell that Bag of Old Senile Bones, Biden to go FAQ himself. This kiss is for all of the great American and the Iranian people around the world. Merry Christmas.


Well, hello dear, you look very colorful in your Gol Magooli (Flowery) chador! What a beautiful smile you have. Is that a braw you wearing under your chador? You should be ashamed of yourself! Persian girls these days have no shame! They have no respect for the Islamic Hijab and Bull Shiite Islamic Religion!


“Iranian media welcomes Biden’s election steal!” (Media)
“Trump: American Election System is Corrupt!” (Media)
“Hope has returned to Iran: Biden's Running Advance: Biden has the exit key to the nuke deal stagnation!” (voice of Reforms Newspaper)


Ayatollah Biden Press Conference
“The second Muslim American president (first one was Hussein Obama) is taking office!” (Media)
“Biden’s Administration is the Return of Obama 3.0 Administration!” (Media)
“Hidin Biden plans to renew and reset the Iran Nuke Deal and giving a few more billions to the Mullahs!” (Media)
“Angela Merkel allowed 1 million Syrian Muslim Refugees in to Germany; Biden wants to top that by allowing 700% more refugees in to America!” (Media)
Ayatollah Biden: Dearly Dishonorable Media who helped me steal the election and get erected as the President Erect, I am here to announce that we (Obama 3.0 Administration) are back to reset thing right to the way it was! Sky is the limit; we will have more refugees in America than the American people! They will become good and obedient Democrat voters! We will be building mosques in every street corner of America!
To our dearly beloved Turbaned Mullah Brothers in Qom, I send my sincere Islamic greetings and wish the Grand Ayatollah Khamenei a happy and healthy life. Today, I announce that “Iran Nuke Deal 2.0” is in the making and I make sure that John Kerry will be back to make this catastrophe a Reality! I send my best wishes to the Ayatollahs and I assure you that we the Democrats are always with you, so rest assured that your Theocratic Terroristic Regime will be prolonged! In addition, we will be fighting the Iranian Opposition tooth and nail. Allah bless IRI (Islamic Republic of Iran) and USSA (Union of Soviet Socialist America) AKA Ameristan!

Ameristan!

Islamic Invasion of America
Step by Step Green Plan

Ilhan Omar vs. Ahreeman X on 9/11

Islamists in USA Congress: Islamic Invasion USA!
America Say Goodbye to Your American Culture!

Liberals Bend Over Backwards for Muslims!
Islamic Invasion of America


Ayatollah Khamenei: Thank you kindly brother Biden. Your warm greetings show your sincere devotion to the Shiite Islamic Terrorism, Government of Allah and the True Global Hezbollah! We welcome the Obama 3.0 Administration back in the office. Please send our regards and warm welcomes to brother Hussein Obama and brother George Soros! Allah bless Ayatollah Biden. I will instruct Trita Parsi and Iran Lobby to come to the White House for your hand kissing and ass kissing.

KIR III - KIR Tower Lands in Washington DC
Iran Lobby at Washington DC I

KIR IV - KIR Tower and Obama Dildo
Iran Lobby at Washington DC II

IRI Iranian Hezbollah Agents and Lobbyists in America in 3 chapters

Persian Cultural Center San Diego is the Bank for Iran Lobby
Iran Lobby Infiltration and Corruption in San Diego
PCC is the Money Laundry Bank for the Iran Lobby


Ayatollah Khamenei: Yes, we did it! We’re in business again! We were about to choke to death by Trump Sanctions, thank Allah for brother George Soros for rigging the US elections! Allah is gracious and he works in mysterious ways!


Ayatollah Khamenei: My dreams came true! I can see the light of Allah in this infidel Biden’s ugly face! Now that Democrats are back, we will own the Middle East again! Boy, send the good news to our proxy servants Hezbollah, Hamas, Houthis, PLO, and other Arab degenerates on the payroll, hurry up boy, go ASAP …. we got a region to set on fire …


Dialogue Between Imams
Khomeini Picture: Are you sure you can trust Biden?
Khamenei: No, but Biden is brain dead, he’ll be in nursing home 6 months max! Hussein (Obama) is back running things in the land of Great Satan! I trust Hussein.
Khomeini: Hussein is an obedient Dhimmi boy.
Khamenei: Hussein is in our back pocket. He knows his place. That slim chocolate boy is obedient.
Khomeini: You used to be my slim boy Toy!
Khamenei: Now Hussein is my Slim Butt Boy!
Khomeini: It’s an Islamic Tradition.
Khamenei: Yeh, I learned it from you …. you raised me on your schlong, and now Hussein is my Brown Sugar!
Khomeini: Too bad I’m dead or else we would have an Islamic Orgy Butt Bangarooni for the Kuni!
Khamenei: You never know, Allah works miracles, maybe you return like Shiite Imam Mahdi!
Khomeini: Allah is generous …
Khamenei: Allah is passionate …
Khomeini: All this Halaal Lavat (Islamically Recommended Anal Sex) talk, gets me going excited. I better return to the Islamic Paradise …
Khamenei: Did you get your 72 virgins and 2 pearly white boy toys?
Khomeini: Nope, but I got 72 shriveled old prune hags and a big boned man named Abdul Ali who gags me with his thick and long schlong once a day!


Obama Bows to Ayatollah 3.0
Khamenei: Speaking of the Devil! Dhimmi Boy, you came to pay your respects!
Obama: Ya Holy Imam, I came to give you the good news, I’m back in office and everything is OK!
Khamenei: I knew Biden is a puppet …
Obama: Its Obama 3.0, your holiness …
Khamenei: That’s why I voted for you …
Obama: You can vote too?
Khamenei: Everyone votes in US Elections, brother Xi Jinping, brother Vladimir Putin, brother Nicolas Maduro, Imam Khomeini …
Obama: But Imam Khomeini is dead?!
Khamenei: So what? Dead people can vote in American elections too …
Obama: Maduro too? He’s not even American?
Khamenei: Look boy, everyone has the privilege of voting in American elections: dead people, out of staters, double voters, illegals, felons, underage, cats, dogs …
Obama: Ok I get the picture but Maduro?
Khamenei: Hell yeh, he created the Dominion Machines, rigged the elections and then voted too!
Obama: Is there anyone who cannot vote in the American elections?
Khamenei: Maybe Mahatma Gandhi, because he was too pacifist! Also, Omar Khayyam the poet because he is always too drunk to vote!
Obama: So that’s how the Democrats won the elections!
Khamenei: No boy, Democrats won the elections thanks to brother George Soros!
Obama: Its always enlightening to be informed by you, beloved holy Imam.
Khamenei: That’s what I like about you …. you know your place, you always bow, kiss my hand, kiss my feet, massage my holy testicles and then sit all the way down the hall at the bottom of the Persian Carpet!
Obama: I’m a House Negro
Khamenei: I know, I raised you in my house boy.
Obama: I’m at your service ….
Khamenei: Good Boy, I love slim chocolate boys, C’mon man (Biden Style), come here and let me slap and tap them slim soft black butt …
Obama: Yas-sir Massa … You is my Master
Khamenei: Good Butt Boy, now go back to the land of Great Satan, corrupt it, destroy it and help Making IRI Great Again by helping the Umma’ of Islam.
Obama: Ya Allah
Khamenei: Wa Alaykum al Salam


At Dinner with Imam Event where Imam eats while Hezbollahi families’ kids come and get blessed by the Imam!
“Ayatollah Khamenei enjoys Persian side dishes such as bread, yogurt, fresh herbs, pickles, tea and young boys for dinner!” (Media)
Hezbo Boy: No, no I don’t want a kiss …
Khamenei: C’mon boy, give a swift hug and a wet kiss to your Imam …
Hezbo Boy: No, they warned me that you’re a pervert …
Khamenei: Its all good boy, I’m holy, I’ll bless you, c’mon man (Biden style) ….
Hezbo: Ok maybe just a little hug and kiss …
Khamenei: Boy if you really want to be blessed, come and see me at the backroom, where I’ll make a man out of you; that’s where I made a man out of that Dhimmi Boy Hussein Obama …
Hezbo: You did it to Obama too? I wanna be like Obama?
Khamenei: Then come to the backroom alone and I’ll bless you very hard and …
Hezbo Boy: But isn’t it pedophilia?
Khamenei: Boy, don’t be westoxicated, in Islam, it is halaal to enjoy little boys and girls. Prophet PBUHB (Peace Be Upon His Bone) used to bone, I mean bless Aisha at age 6 or 9 or whatsoever …… you are surely older than that …
Hezbo Boy: If its Halaal, then would you bless me too?
Khamenei: Sure boy, after dinner, come to the back and I’ll do the rest (Islamic Style)!


Back in Business!
2 Muslim Imams Hassan and Hussein
Hassan Rouhani: Congratulation on your 3rd term, so we’re back in business, ha?
Hussein Obama: Yes brother, now that Biden stole the election for me, we will have a ball on tax payers’ dollars!
Rouhani: It is so lovely to see you again, so we can play Good Cop, Bad Cop, Billionaires Game of Iran Nuke Deal again!
Obama: Praise be Upon Allah, he who provides us with Billions!


Meeting Between the Rats
Javad Zarif: So, I heard you’re back!
John Kerry: We’re back alright!
Zarif: You gonna give me some sugar?
Kerry: You gonna tell Iran Lobby to sweeten the pot?
Zarif: I’ll tell Trita Parsi to make a large deposit in your bank account.
Kerry: And I’ll make sure IRI gets a sweet nuke deal with a few billions more.
Zarif: No more sanctions and crap?
Kerry: No more and I give you my word.
Zarif: Can we peacefully nuke up?
Kerry: you can peacefully nuke up as much as you want.
Zarif: Of course, for peaceful purposes.
Kerry: Of course!
Zarif: We will go by the rules, no enriching, no terrorist sponsoring, no hegemony and no illegal arms deal.
Kerry: You’ll give me your word?
Zarif: Word up.
Kerry: This is called diplomacy which Trump didn’t understand.
Zarif: He was a fool, I hate Trump. Thank Allah for Democrats!


At the Iranian Cabinet Meeting
Rouhani: So how did it go?
Zarif: Boss, you had to be there! I could not believe how gullible was this retard! He agreed to everything and we agreed to nothing!
Rouhani: Just like last time?
Zarif: Just like last time!
Rouhani: I love Democ-Rats!
Zarif: Sometimes I think, they can’t be representing their own country! Too good to be true but it is!
Rouhani: That’s because they’re not! They represent their own bank accounts!
Zarif: I thought we’re the most corrupt Mafia on the planet until I negotiated with this guy!
Rouhani: Democrats are the most corrupt political party on earth. We’re no match for them!
Zarif: So, back to business as usual, right boss?! Hee Hee Hee …..
Rouhani: Thank Allah for Democ-Rats!
Zarif: Now we got to milk this Bull Shiite for the next four years ….
Rouhani: As Freddie Mercury sings, everybody plays the Game, Lala La Lala La ….
Zarif: Back to the same old Game ….


At the Press Conference
Reporter: Mr. Kerry, how would you define the results of the meeting?
Kerry: This little guy shoved this thick of a dick up my Shiiter and it hurts so bad!
Zarif: Eh, the agreement was for you not to spill the beans, what’s the deal?
Kerry: Persians are tough negotiators but this guy really screwed me bad!


At the Hospital
Reporter: Mr. Kerry, have you broken your leg riding bicycle again?
Kerry: Not at all, Zarif jacked me up so bad! He ripped my anus, broke my leg and gave me a sore throat! Don’t look at his height, he FAQed me up! Them Persians screw you blind!
Reporter: why sore throat?
Kerry: His Shillelagh was huge and he shoved it down my throat deep!
Reporter: Irish humor?
Kerry: Its no laughing matter, that little guy had a Shillelagh size of my neck! He done the nasty to me, then he banged me on the head with it, shoved it down my throat and lastly broke my leg with it!


Zarif: that felt good, so gooooood! What an orgasm! I feel giddy!


Democrats New Theme for the Next Four Years!
And now for something completely different, celebrating the Democrats’ victory, the Democrats will sing the IRI national anthem in front of the IRI displayed flag! Our performers tonight will be: Ayatollah Chucky Doll Crying Schumer and Nancy Old Pussy Chadori!


Vice Presidential Christmas Advice!
“Massoumeh Ebtekar, the Vice President of IRI and the past director of the Environmental Department, is a hardcore environmentalist and an extreme tree hugger!” (Media)
“During the hostage crisis, as a hostage taker, Massoumeh Ebtekar was referred to as the Machinegun Mary by the west!” (Media)
“During the Islamic Revolution, Massoumeh Ebtekar had changed her name Niloufar (Persian Name) to Massoumeh (Arabo-Islamic Name) to harmonize with the Islamist theme and fad of the day!” (Media)
Massoumeh Ebtekar: Do you see those bushy out of control trees in the jungle?
Hassan Rouhani: Yup
Massoumeh: Your public hair is more out of control than those trees!
Hassan: What’s with you and my privates?
Massoumeh: Because as the VP, one of my duties is to massage your Ukulele and Matzah Balls!
Hassan: And?
Massoumeh: And how can I do my job if I can’t see what the hell am I doing?
Hassan: I always trim them!
Massoumeh: You are beyond trims, vajebi (nair) and wax. You must go all the way and shave!
Hassan: Muslims never shave, it is Anti-Islamic. We must leave at least minimum of ¼ inch beard.
Massoumeh: What’s beard got to do with the pubic hair? What’s love got to do, got to do with it?
Hassan: It is Makruh (offensive) in Islam to shave!  
Massoumeh: It is Makruh to me to see your bushy jungle! It is environmentally unclean, more like a hazard!
Hassan: What’s my pubic have to do with the environment?
Massoumeh: A lot! This is how the environment gets polluted, by pubics, armpits, methane gas …
Hassan: You mean I can’t fart?
Massoumeh: You eat too much Chelo Kabob and you Shiite too much!
Hassan: Now you gonna set a limit for defecation and urination?
Massoumeh: Only for you, because you are an environmental hazard …
Hassan: I’m not the one who got fixated with Islamism to the point to change my name to an Arabic name? You get too fixated on issues ….
Massoumeh: It’s a holy Shiite saint name and maybe you need to get fixated on showers and hygiene!
Hassan: Lower your voice, people can hear us …
Massoumeh: you will shave down there, up in armpits, even in between butt cheeks. You will shower daily and cleanse yourself or else no more Islamic massage. I will also give you an environmental ticket for breaking the environmental laws.
Hassan: Sigh!


“President and Vice President had a fruitful constructive chat!” (Media)
Hassan Rouhani: I took your advice and have been shaving down there with aromatic herbal oil. I smell like Persian Melon down there!
Massoumeh Ebtekar: For obeying the environmental laws, I will now reward you with this wonderful picture of flamingos returning to the Lake Orumiyeh, thanks to my hard environmental work …
Hassan: Thank you kindly …
Massoumeh: Consider this your Christmas and Nowruz present but you are still on probation, so behave yourself!


“Massoumeh Ebtekar had come a long way from Machinegun Mary to Environmental Doctor!” (Media)
“Dr. Ebtekar with the help of the politician and activist Fatemeh Rakaeei, had thrown a large women’s health conference in the Laleh Park, Tehran, Iran.” (Media)
Fatemeh Rakaeei: Dr. Ebtekar, you are shining, you have this illuminating aura around you which makes you look like Hazrat Massoumeh, the Shiite Saint! You are so lively and healthy. What makes you happy?
Massoumeh Ebtekar: It must be the herbal oil, I prescribed for him to use on his pubic …
Fatemeh: Your husband?
Massoumeh: No, the president!
Fatemeh: And that makes you happy?
Massoumeh: Yes, now I can’t get my hands off of his Shillelagh!
Fatemeh: Thanks for the info, I have to tell him to use that?
Massoumeh: Who, your husband?
Fatemeh: No, my Boy Toy!
Massoumeh: It has a wonderful Persian Melon aroma … it just makes me feel like flying like a bird …
Fatemeh: That’s what I smelled on your lips!


IRGC Qods Force Split Training
Commander splitting: Now pay attention brothers, this exercise shows how fit you are for combat.
Colonel in the middle with glasses: This exercise also makes you neuter by damaging your testicles!
Mullah on the left: Doesn’t that hurt brother?
General second from right: Man, you’re crazy as Hell!
Commander splitting: Now everybody calms down, get on the ground and try it. It may look fatal but its really a safe exercise to develop your flexibility and muscles.
General second from right: Also, to develop hernia and ball-ache! Man, I’m telling you, you’re crazy as Hell, I’m not doing that Shiite!


Iranian Female Police (Sisters of Zeynab) AKA Moral Police in Charge of Enforcing Proper Islamic Dress Codes
Ahreeman Joon: What the FAQ kind of face is that? You look constipated! And why do you need a machinegun to ride in the 4WD SUV and harass women for the size of their manto? You know what 4WD stands for, right? 4WD (Chahar Velgard-e Dayus) stands for “4 Rambling Bitches” because you girls always ride in fours!


As you can see, we have a parking problem in Iran. Heavy traffic and lack of parking spaces, causes good people to behave, how can I put it, a bit irrational! Now honestly, you would only see parking like this in Iran, specifically in Tehran!


And then of course, you will witness scenes such as this one! How on earth did you get the SUV to fit there? And why on earth would you park in that manner? Only in Iran, Shiite like this happens!


Talking about Tehran’s heavy traffic and parking problems, what the FAQ is that?! You just had to shove and shove some more to fit, until you broke the wall of the second-floor indoor parking level and jacked up the SUV, right?!


And to save his parking spot, that is why the slick building owner wrote this sign on the wall:
“Danger of the falling wall is 100%, so do not park here!”


I guess we also have a bicycle theft problem in Iran!


Iranian Circumcision Street Peddler
It’s like a street fast food service!
For fast and rapid service without waiting and wasting time in hospitals with doctors, we also have handy dandy traditional “Circumcision Experts” in beanie hats waiting at the street corners (like hookers) with proper signs on their chests which reads “Children’s Circumcision”! They are ready with their briefcase and butcher knife to really do a job on your poor boy’s shoombool! Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a Persian tradition and they are professionals, but it’s like flipping the coin, what do you have to lose?! Well, the kid has something to lose! Poor boy maybe gets scarred for life and when he grows up, every time he looks at his shoombool, he will curse and condemn you as a father!


But not to worry, you can always order him a special custom-made Persian circumcision cake to make it up to him! A misspelled beauty Cake for a boy named Dayan! I guess that’s why they boy’s name is Dayan now! You really done a chop job on the circumcision! Wow Nelly! Only in Iran baby!


And then you can always get another custom-made “Potty Training” Persian cake to teach the kid how to potty! Happy Birthday Cameron (AKA Dayan)! Of course, the toilet is Persian Style! Only in Iran, you will see creative and appetizing cakes like this!


Persian Park Sign:
“Nothing in the world would rise the value and the level of the women, such as the virginity and the chastity!”
(Thomas Edison)
Ahreeman Joon: Where the FAQ did you get that quote from Thomas Edison? If you have to make Bang and Bologna quotes to encourage Persians girls to become Holy Virgin Mary, then at least assign a Persian quoter to your Bull Shiite quote! Why Edison? Poor Edison is shaking and turning in his grave!


Funny Iranian Toilet Instruction Sign
How to use the Western Toilets by sitting (left) and how to use the Eastern Toilets by squatting (right), so you will not be confused and stick your foot up your Shiiter or fall in the Shiite!


Iranian Hijab Promotion Sign:
“Dearly Beloved Sister, Hijab is safety not limitation!”
As you can see, the smart-ass Persian high school girls took their scarves off and took a group photo to indirectly send a message to the Mullahs and Chadoris:
“No Thank You But FAQ You Very Much!”


Maktabi Religious Man’s Motto:
“2 things don’t require pleading for: Real Love and True Friend!”
A simple man on his simple bed in his simple room!
Damesh Garm! More Power Brother!


Funny Iranian Text Message:
* English have 1 wife and 1 mistress but they love their mistress more!
* Germans have 1 wife and 1 mistress but they love their wife more!
* Iranians have 2 permanent wives, 3 temporary wives (siqeh), 6 mistresses, 7 girlfriends but at last, they love their mothers more! Mother I’m your servant!


Fresh Watermelon Juice, Persian Style!


Iranian Ice Cream Vender Escapes the Heat of Summer!
Ahreeman Joon: Haji, Really?!


And now for something totally different:
Parkour Sport, Persian Style!
Parkour is the sport of running, climbing, swinging, vaulting, jumping, rolling, crawling, leaping, Maneuvering, clinging, flipping and kicking like a jackass, but why?
Iranian Parkourist Girl and Boy: Because we have nothing else to do to pass the time in Iran!


Parkour Sport, Persian Style!
Parkour is the sport of running, climbing, swinging, vaulting, jumping, rolling, crawling, leaping, Maneuvering, clinging, flipping and kicking like a jackass!
This is what the youth does in Iran to pass time! Kids have no other means of fun!


Persian Martial Art Mistress and her Protégé Ninja Girls
Ahreeman Joon: Talking about Acrobatics! Darling, this is all adorable and fabulous but I’m truly concerned about the future prospects percentage of you being able to have kids! The least, I’m concerned about you ripping apart your Suzie Q or at least a muscle down there! Then we have to take you to the hospital to stitch the poor Suzie!


Blind Persian Gardener!
Ahreeman Joon: What the hell is that? You made a brick square to plant the tree in there but at last you planted it in the pavers! Then you may say that the tree was there to begin with, but we paved around it! Then I will ask you why? Why couldn’t you make the brick square around the tree then, and afterwards pave around it? Only in Iran you will see Shiite like that!


Persians with Considerations!
Ahreeman Joon: And what the hell is that? I understand that you washed the Persian carpets and you need to hang them dry, but on the bank’s front door sign?!


Mullahs Taking a Break from Mull-Shiite!
Mull-Shiite Definition: Mullahs’ Bull Shiite AKA Mullahs’ Sermon
Hojaj Definition: Plural for Haji (pilgrim)
Ahreeman Joon: All pooped out due to hours of Mull-Shiite and handing Bull Shiite to the public? Hojaj, you look really beat! Must have been a Fruitful O Shiite Sermon!


Mullahs resting at the mosque after a lengthy sermon
Ahreeman Joon: this is what Mullahs look like after they have exhausted the public with Kos O She’r (Pussy Poetry) Bang and Bologna stories and lectures of hours long! They drop like flies, exhausted from their own Bull Shiite! Khasteh nabashi haji?!


In a meanwhile on the other side of the town, sexy fashionable Persian girls do hardy party in a house party, Persian Style!


And of course, in Downtown, Persian Jahel Thugs are having a Ma’rekeh gathering of people to praise their Obohat glory as Strongmen who control the streets with benevolent powerful thuggery!
Ahreeman Joon: Rokhsat Pahlevun?
Jahel: Kheyr Pish, Ali Yaret!


What kind of behavior is that for a Persian girl? You know, people read Namaz prayer on that carpet and you with your extracurricular activities make that carpet makruh, impure and stained with sin! This is Haraam in Islam! What did you say?
Shahin: FAQ Islam!


“Persian girls like going to cabarets, concerts, discos, dancing and house parties!” (Media)
“Persian girls enjoy showing legs and thighs!” (Media)
“Persians enjoy the thigh meat best!” (Media)


Funny Awesome Persian Duo!
“Persians enjoy the thigh meat best!” (Media)
Askhari and Akbari: We enjoy Maqz-e Run (Thigh Meat) too!
Ahreeman Joon: You mean in butcher shop or on girls?
Askhari and Akbari: Both!
Ahreeman: I also like Thigh Meat, I guess because my ancestors were butchers starting from Aqa Mohammad Khan, the great butcher! It must be the butcher in me! How about you guys?
Askhari and Akbari: We just like meat, them beefy chunky white thighs and legs!
Ahreeman: Are you two brothers?
Askhari and Akbari: No, we just look alike!
Ahreeman: What’s with the shoulder ranks, are you two veterans?
Askhari and Akbari: No, we’re just making a fashion statement!
Ahreeman: Are you guys on drugs?
Askhari and Akbari: No, just smoke a little opium for medicinal purposes!
Ahreeman: You guys Rock!
Askhari and Akbari: We know, that’s why they call us the Persian Rock & Rollers, he is Rock and I am Roll!
Ahreeman: Who’s Akbari and who’s Askhari?
Askhari and Akbari: Now don’t ask difficult questions!

Last Persian Emperor: Aqa Mohammad Shah Qajar
Historically Condemned or Historical Hero?


“Persians enjoy Big Butts!” (Media)
Ahhhhhhhh nothing like resting your aching head on a comfortable Persian Butt Pillow!


“Persians enjoy Big Butts!” (Media)
Now that’s what I’m talking about baby! Something to grab and hold on! There’s plenty to grab here, Persian Style!


Now for something totally different in the news, we will go to the “Little Persian Tranny” showing the world her assets on the Caspian Sea shores:
Ahreeman Joon: Joooooon, what are you doing here?
Little Persian Tranny: I just drop by to say Hi!
Ahreeman: Hi Kuchulu (little one), do you also enjoy thigh meat (with perverted style talk)?
Little Persian Tranny: Well, I don’t have a Suzie but I have a Dingdong, a little dong, yet I have some thighs too (with a wink)!
Ahreeman: I see! Aren’t you suppose to be at the school?
Little Persian Tranny: Well, the school was boring, full of Bull Shiite, so I cut the Religious Studies and came to the beach to let it all hang out!
Ahreeman: Aren’t you afraid of the Moral Police arrests?
Little Persian Tranny: No honey, they’re all perverts, kinky bums and gays themselves!


“Iran is the number one destination for sex change operations!” (Media)
“Ayatollah Khomeini recommended Gays and Transsexuals to get sex change operations to become women!” (Media)
“Ayatollah Khomeini was very fond of the Transsexuals!” (Media)
“Streets of Tehran are loaded with Transsexuals!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: And who are you?
Persian Thigh Tranny: I’m the Persian Thigh Tranny!
Ahreeman: And why are you here?
Persian Thigh Tranny: To show you some thighs!
Ahreeman: Now that’s some prime thigh Maqz-e Run! Jooooon, jamalesho, damet garm …
Persian Thigh Tranny: Don’t be shy, come over and have a bite! Yum yum!


Ahreeman Joon: Eh, Mariam Micol, the famous Transsexual Persian Star, what are you doing here?
Mariam Micol: I’m the Christmas Tranny, I came to haunt you!
Ahreeman: You mean like the Ghost of Christmas Past?
Mariam: No, I mean like the Kink of the Christmas present!
Ahreeman: Mariam, aren’t those leather ball chokers too tight, you may hurt yourself?
Mariam: Don’t worry Jigar (Liver, Persian term of endearment), I’ll take it all off for you after the show!
Ahreeman: What show?
Mariam: Your perverted Only in Iran Christmas show …
Ahreeman: Mariam, you’re a riot!
Mariam: Then why don’t you publish a debut album for me in IPC?
Ahreeman: Honey, we only publish female models …
Mariam: Are you telling me that I’m a man? Don’t make me bitch slap you!
Ahreeman: Relax honey, you’re a chick …
Mariam: Then why don’t you display my beauty in IPC?
Ahreeman: Because you’re a Chick with Dick!
Mariam: Ahreeman, one of these days, I’ll spank your balls with a Ping-Pong paddle!


“Persian Jahel Thugs are an Iranian Traditional and Cultural Assets!” (Media)
Jahel with Striped Jacket: We love Mariam Micol, you better treat her right …
Ahreeman Joon: Did Mariam send you thugs to teach me a lesson?
Jahel: No, we just came here to Nosokh Bekeshim (Pulling Ranks) and tell you that we love your show, but don’t pull our legs too much, and make fun of Jahels!
Ahreeman: Luti, mokhlesim, ma khodemun yeh pa latim o loti! In nature, I’m a benevolent thug such as yous!
Jahel: Just making sure …
Ahreeman: So, what do you guys like to see more in IPC Net Spoofs?
Jahel: More Thigh Meat!
Ahreeman: Girls or Trannies?
Jahel: Hassan over here is a butcher, We’re not picky, we’re focused on the meat, we just love thigh meat!


Ahreeman Joon: What are you girls doing here?
Persian Book Worms: We’re promoting book reading!
Ahreeman: Looks like you girls play around more and read less!
Girls: We read, but we’re also playful!
Ahreeman: So, what can I do you for?
Girls: More books and new books in IPC library?
Ahreeman: Will do, but this is not the time or the place to discuss books!
Girls: OK, we’ll come back after the show to your changing room …
Ahreeman: But I might be naked!
Girls: That’s OK!


And now a Persian Double Bubble Big Butts for your viewing pleasures!
Persian Girls are Showing their Assets!


And another Double Bubble Butts present for the Christmas!


Persian PAWGs: Have a Very Merry Persian Christmas!


Persian Old Men in Beanie Hats, reminiscing about the good old times:
We used to be young, shake our booties, do the lambada, go to backrooms of the mosques, shake our assets, do the nasty, pinch them PAWGs and eat some Prime Thigh Meat Maqz-e Run! We had our Golden Age and now our golden Age is done with and we are old …
Ahreeman Joon: Hojaj, as long as your hearts are young, you are eternally young. You will never get old! You still Rock and sometimes even Roll! You have a world of experience and stories to tell!


Million Dollar Persian Face of 2021
Merry Christmas from the Persian Cherry Fruit Vender at the Fresh Produce Shop
Cherry Vender Grocer: Merry Christmas everyone. Here’s some jumbo delicious Persian Cherries for you. I just wanted to say that I had nothing to do with this Ahreemanic twisted tale of politics, sex, PAWGs, Trannies, Big Butts, Shameless Persian Girls, Jahel Thugs and other sick and twisted perverted characters participating in Ahreeman’s Twisted Net Spoof, born out of Ahreeman’s sick desires and twisted mind! I don’t want to get in trouble with the Moral Police and spend time in jail. I’m just here to sell some fruits, say happy new year and wish you a merry Christmas. I’m not gay, a pervert, a chubby chaser, a kinky freak, a political person or a trouble maker. I’m just a simple fruit vender. Ahreeman ordered some special fruit baskets and I am preparing them for him to pick up, that’s all!
Ahreeman: Jigareto, you have a such a lovely Persian smile!


Persian Taftun Bread Baker Christmas Greetings
Persian Baker: Ahay, Taftun Bread, eat some and take some home, come and get it hot out of the oven! I’m only a simple Persian baker. I also had nothing to do with this Ahreemanic Twisted Tale Show directed by the ill mind of Ahreeman! I’m just a simple baker making a living. Ahreeman ordered a special order of Taftun Breads to pick up, so I made him some. I had nothing to do with this sick net spoof! I’m not gay, kinky, freaky, spiky, or political. I wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and a joyful Holiday Season. Come and get your Taftun Bread! Barbari, Sangak, Lavash, Mashhadi and other Persian breads are good but Taftun is the best!


All good things come to an end and so is our story. Our wonderful Persian Christmas Story had come to an end. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for the milk and cookies which you have left for the Sandy Claws! They were delicious! Now that you heard your Christmas tale and had your Christmas presents, it is time for me to leave. I’ll be taking off on my Persian Chariot to the Ahreemanic Dungeons of Painful Pleasures in the House of Ahreeman! Be good and better watch out for the Christmas Hezbo! Be good and don’t do what I do! Give Poppa Ahreeman a big wet kiss, one on each cheek, Persian Style! Say goodbye until next year. Who loves you babies? Ahreeman indeed! Who else?!

Only in Iran Baby, Only in Iran ……
See you in the funny pages ……
Until next time,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to All
Ho Ho Ho How Howl Howling and a ...
Hot Tall Glass Mug of Persian Darjeeling Tea with Cardamom!

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