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Those Funny Crazy Persians:
Part 2
 

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 2

Ahreeman X
May 28, 2008


Neo Reza Motori
Reza: Zhizhi joon, dig the style baby! Tirip-o bezan, Efe ro bezan, Efe-ye Kun ro bezan!
Zhila: Rezi joon, fadat sham, you’re so acrobatic baby, speed turns me on, so does Halva Ardeh!


Haji, do you think you have enough load?!


Originally a “No Swimming" Sign, yet the Sign was tampered with and certain words were wiped out by funny youth, so now it reads:
Dear Sister or Brother:
Danger is at the corner
Avoid “Doing” …… in the forbidden zones!
Sign: Public Relation Section of the Armed Forces of the Inheritance Organization of Prison’s Leisure Travels!


Ahmadi: Haji hand me the request, but I can’t guarantee anyone will open it or look at it!


Infomercial Iranian Style! Poster Ad for the “Problem Solving Prayer Book”! It reads:
“Problem Solving Prayer Book” 40th Edition written by: The Indian Doctor!
This is the place for the sales of the “Problem Solving Prayer Book”!
The Key to solve all your problems!
This year’s Best Seller in 3 languages!
An attractive, useful, effective, sweet and heartwarming book for all seasons and all years.
If you are willing to open the locks in your life …
If you are willing to break the spells and talismans …
If you are willing to replace poverty with fortune and discover amusements …
If you are willing to open the ties, receive good fortune and pay your debts …
If you are willing to have success and enjoyment in your life …
We suggest that you buy and read this book and then judge!
Phone: … , URL: ….
We accept active distributors in all provinces.


Pretence at the Mosque!
Haj Khanum, are you reading Quran or are you text messaging?


Label on the drink reads:
The Production Date: One month before the Expiration Date!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran …. !


Handy Cradle!
No, this is not some backward Central Asian nation like Uzbekistan or Turkmenistan, but this is the “Industrial Iran”, Jewel of the Muslim world! They still use this type of cradle in villages (Dahat), small towns and even large cities (other than Tehran)!
The System:
Actually it makes perfect sense and it is truly a Handy Cradle! You tie the whining baby to the rocking cradle (yes it even rocks!). There is a hole underneath the cradle for the baby to poop. Under the hole, there lies a pan for the poop to drop. If a boy (like this baby), then there is a pipe with one end connected to his shambool and the other end dropping the pee in to a bucket or an empty cooking oil can (like this one). Now if it is a baby girl, then peepee and poopoo drops from the same hole at the bottom of the cradle into the pan! There are even ornaments hanging from the top of the cradle for the tied up baby to play with. The cradle is made of homemade wood or fancy wood (pre-made cradles) available at bazaar. Hey, maybe it is not Hi Tech, but it saves you the diaper money and at least the damn baby stays still and safe from falling! There's only one little problem with this model: Due to lying around all day long, the baby becomes flat headed on the back of the skull (because baby skull molds to the shape of whatever you frame it). That’s why Middle Easterners are so flat headed on the back of their skulls! There is also another little problem with this model: Due to whining, crying and screaming all day long for being tied up, the baby will grow up to either turn to a psycho killer (Saddam Hussein) or an Opera singer (Rashid Behbudov)! For sure one of the two!


Ahmadi’s Drive-By Gang O Hooligans riding a 4WD aka Chahar Welgard-e Dayus (4 Rambling Pimps) Vehicle! You see, these SUVs are also used by the Islamic Dress Police and there’s always 4 Sisters of Zeynab Female Police or a combo of 4 male and female police sits in them and drives around to measure the length of women’s dresses and hejabs to make sure it is according to the Islam! That’s why people named these SUVs, the 4WD, Iranian Style!


Soqra, enough Internet Porn, the poor kid passed out waiting for you to get done and take him home for dinner!


This is a special model of Paykan Automobiles for the Armed Forces. It is very airy for Tehran’s hot summers and the driver can also quickly gets out to break out a protest or a riot by those damn students!


Photographer: Haji you look so cute, qorbunet beram, say cheese? I loves your smile!
Yadollah (right corner): How come no one is taking my photo? Why are they taking this dayus’ picture only? I’m also a Rep. From Koshtargah, then why not me?!


The Iranian Atomic Energy Agency
Rajab: Today we are serving Chelo Kabob Soltani …. What did you say? This is not a Restaurant! This is the Atomic Energy Agency! Ah not to worry, it’s all the same! What was I saying? Oh yes, today we are serving …..


The new Iranian-made racing model also comes with a free Donkey (in case it breaks down during the Auto Race)!


Reporter: Mr. President, where is Haj Aqa?
Ahamdi: Haji is coming slowly, because he took off his robe, shalwar pajamas and undergarment during the chopper ride and he had to put it back on to get out. You know, he has hernia of the balls! After this official visit, we are going to Mashhad and visit Imam Reza’s Shrine, so maybe Imam Reza can cure Haj Aqa’s Balls! Yes, Haji is coming but slowly …. Here he is coming out of the chopper …. Salavat: Allah o Masala Ala Mohammad, va Aleh Mohammad ….


United Colors of Binitun (Your noses)!


Kaveh Bar Tabriz, the Moving Company’s Ad
The address reads:
Tehran, a bit further than in front of the Sepah Bank, ….. !
Yes you figured it out, this is a Turkish (Azeri) company!


In the ever growing modern economy of Tehran, in the past we had:
Phone Cabs, Phone Fast Food, Phone Gourmet Food, Phone Maids, Phone Massage, Phone Escorts, Phone Girls, and now ….. Phone Shoe Wax!


Sahel (Beach) Institute Ad!
Attention, Attention ….
100 % Guarantee
Have faith in the name of him, He who knows the unknown,
And the solution and problem solving is in his hands!
Sahel Institute, experts in good fortune, problem solving, peace between spouses, and any other work or family related conflicts and problem via the use of the Holy Book with 100 % Guarantee.
Please Don’t ask for Unethical (Religiously forbidden), polarizing and Dark Hearted Requests!”
Phones: ….
In case of not getting the proper results, money back is guaranteed!”
From 9 AM to 9 PM …


On the public toilet door:
Exit with the right leg (Islamically proper ordered by Imam Khomeini)!


Red Moon Boutique (English)
Ridemun aka Bowl Movement (Persian)
Someone really fragged up the translation (Typical Persian Translator) or was it the sign maker?!


Sign on the billboard and the car:
Tell the fashion lovers that the final fashion is the white death cloth (Muslims wear in casket)!


Siqeh (Temporary Marriage)
Religiously and lawfully legal
Without writing the names in the birth Certificates (contradictory)!
With Official Trustworthy Certificate
Under the supervision of:
Master Professor from Houzeh Religious University
Hojatol Eslam Dr. Mohammad Javad Marmazi
Phone: …. , Site: …. , Address: ….
A Hi Tech Siqeh Union Maker Cleric!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran ….


Kaboby of Houshang Kos Mashang
(Kaboby Restaurant of Crazy Ass Houshang!)
Chelo Kabob, Chicken Kabob, Shishlik (Lamb Kabob) served ….


Sadaf Afaf House
(Shell, Religiously Allowed Siqeh Temporary Marriage Islamic Whorehouse)
Attention singles and youth
All Afaf (prestigious Muslim sisters) of Sadaf House are from the Afaf Groups certified by the State Ministry and inspected by the Health Ministry with certificate number: …. are at the service of you dear friends.
Management: Ahmad the Arab
Reservation phone: …., Address: …


Persian Mona Liza!


Dear Mr. Thief of the black Peugeot 206 Briefcase:
May you enjoy the stolen money and bless you with good health, but please arrange for me to receive the documents because I am in trouble and desperately need them!
Mobile Phone: …. , Home Phone: ….


Stylish Prayer!
No, she is not religiously insensitive, but she is wearing tank tops, next to naked, only to truly feel Allah’s passion!


Addicts are absolutely not allowed!
Smoking Cigarettes are allowed until death,
But please commit suicide far from this place!
Regards,
Vali Asr Dizi Restaurant


Excuse me Mr. President, was there absolutely no other place than the tunnel, for you to do your holy duty and prayer at this time?!


Culture Shock!
What are they thinking to themselves?
Ahmadinejad: Allah help me, this African sister looks like Lulu Khorkhoreh Boogeyman!
Lady Umbaba Umbe: Dear Lord, this guy looks retarded, please help me?!
Ahmadinejad: What should I do, should I shake my head as a greeting?
Lady Umbaba Umbe: God Damn Muslims don’t shake hands, what should I do?


Quranic Medicine Symposium Poster Ad:
For the first time ever, Quran and Health come together!
Lecture on how the Quranic Health Food can diagnose and cure all diseases!
Lecturer: Jet Engine Specialist,
Master Jamshid Khodadadi
- Member of Iran’s Inventors Society
- Owner of Honorary Diploma in childbirth Defects
- Owner of Honorary Diploma in Jet Engine Mechanics
- Master of the Quranic Medicine
- Author of the:
15 Days to Health Book Series
Present of Health volume 1 and 2
The Key to the Ancient Medicine
And much more …..
We invite all students, faculty and the medical and Quranic science enthusiasts to attend this wonderful symposium.
Date: ….
Place: Martyr Shayan Mehr’s Hall, College of Medicine
Management: Tabriz University of Science and Medicine
Comments:
Holy Shiite! Is there any wonder why no one respects our medical degrees anymore?!
And yes, you figured it out: The event is held by Turks (Azeris) in Tabriz University!
How come all these experts have no real college degrees?
How can you fix Jet Engines with an honorary degree?
Who would fly these planes, which were serviced, via Quranic Engineering?
I wonder if Quranic Medicine can reduse the quantity and extensity of my hard-ons?!
Having a Hard-on during a formal banquet can be catastrophic! A bulge in the trousers!
Me so horny, Me get many hard-ons, Me get bocu hard-ons!
After all Allah is also passionate!


Found in Piroozi Street:
One Washing Machine!
Phone: …
How did someone lose a washing machine in the middle of the street?!
And if so, then do we still have an honest person left in Iran who would return it?
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran ……


Excuse me but aren’t you guys suppose to clean the park rather than serving your sentence in jail? Is this the convict afternoon nap (Persian Style)?!


Bodyguard: Dayus Aqa ro vel kon! Let go of the president, you are squeezing him so tight like a juicy pomegranate! You must be thirsty! Baba let go ….


Banner Ad for Marriage Consulting and Education Center:
My lost half!
Education before Marriage!
Specifically for single girls and boys
Distribution of questions for “Khastegari” (Pre Marriage Visitation)!
Phone: …. , Address: …..


Sign says: Drive between the lanes!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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