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Those Funny Crazy Persians:
Part 3
 

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 3

Ahreeman X
June 14, 2008


No, that’s not the latest fashion in motorcycle helmets! It’s just that he has hernia of the testicles and can’t walk much; therefore, he must always sit either on the bike or on the chair. That’s why he always carries his chair around!


Head Quarter: All units, armed robbery in progress. Go to Bank Meli at the intersection of Imam Khomeini’s Long-Stiff Freeway and Imam Khamenei’s Round-Back Circle ….
Officer Zahak (inside vehicle): Rajab, we’re near the crime scene, do you think Bar O Bax can push us all the way to the intersection?
Officer Rajab (on the side pushing): Forget about it (Italian Style)! And they say Mercedes Benz is built like a tank! This damn car is brand new and just broke down! OK Bar O Bax (Bar O Bacheha), everyone on the count of 1, 2, 3, Ya Ali, let’s push…. Few more blocks to the station …


Islamic Segregation of Sexes, Iranian Style!
Check out the little soccer field in a small town during Ahmadinejad’s speech. The security guards are all over inside the filed watching the crowd who are standing outside the field. The small town’s officials and Hezbollah are sitting inside the soccer field but segregated in two sections: Great number of men on the right hand sitting on the grounds, but only one woman on the left hand sitting on the ground! Officials are sitting on the ground but Ahamdi is standing on the Persian Carpet!


What’s so funny guys? Is there something on the floor? Maybe a used condom from last night’s all male Hezbollah Bang O Salavat session?


And they say Turkmens are always alert!
They are catching flies while snorting with their mouths wide open! This is what’s going on during an exciting speech in the local Majlis at the Golestan Province!



Is he washing the front window of the Homa (Iran Air) Jumbo Jet with Aftabeh (Islamic Toilet Pitcher)? Only in Iran baby, only n Iran!


What could be so important?
Zolf Ali could not wait until he finishes his duty in the bathroom, so he had to get this call on the cell phone (Mobile) while carrying the Aftabeh (Islamic Toilet Pitcher) full of water to the toilet to wash his ass! Using Mobiles while driving is illegal in Iran. I wonder if there is a law against using Mobiles while Shiiting? These laws come handy, just incase one would Shiite all over himself while on the Mobile! Of course we are only concerned about the safety of our beloved Shiites while taking a Shiite!



Mail Order Child Bride Marriage Ad by Bijan Zahedi
My Qualifications:
I am a 49 years old youth! Good looking, handsome face, trustworthy, educated, from a good family, nationalist, belief in moral, religious, ethical and family values, love kids and animals, very romantic, don’t smoke cigarettes, only drink a little red wine, thick head of hair, athletic, polite, American Citizen, very ethical, outgoing, funny and full of fun, punctual, patient, love traditional Persian music and instruments specifically Tonbak (Persian percussion), doctorate in economics, master in soilology, bachelor degree in foreign literature, no addictions, used to smoke weed in college but it gave me headaches, very chic, faithful, patriotic, willing to sacrifice, martyr, clean, disciplined, optimist, hard worker, persistent, modest, futurist, proud, light sleeper, not snorting, love computers, love family: mother in law and specifically sister in law, expert in different sexual positions, honest, love reading and books, poet, shy, sociable, healthy body and mind, generous, reformist, hopeful, freeman, anxious, pro women’s rights, not jealous, familiar with: Tango, Waltz, Disco, Dubai night life, good singing voice, magician, whistler, familiar with loud finger snapping, not eyeing other women, very sexy, 6 ‘ and 185 lbs., brown eyes, thick eyebrows, no plastic surgery, mild mannered and searching for a girl for dating, possible marriage and a fruitful moral life together. She must be …
Her Qualifications:
19 to 20 years old, Iranian Citizen, preferably from a small town or Dahati (Villager), must come to Turkey alone, at least for a week to visit and stay with me, so she can get her engagement fiancée visa, must love mini skirts, must not be familiar with different sexual positions, must hate words such as: Boyfriend, Not Now, Not Here, I Have a Headache, … , education not needed, preferably illiterate, not familiar with immigration and marriage laws of America, not skinny, a bit chunky, natural nose with no prior plastic surgery, must be a virgin as the most important condition or else the Green Card will be expired, heavy sleeper and preferably comatose so I can do as I please at night, perfect chef, excellent housekeeper, beautiful smile at all times, not a talker and no talk backs, must love mother in law and obey her orders, no brothers but a few unmarried young sisters would be fine, must be ready for sex at all times and in all places at the house, must be dumb, obedient and not familiar with English. If you have these qualifications, then get in touch with this address …
Sign: A Selfish Persian Man


Comfy?!


... and this year's “Only Inside the House” Night Dress is the “Ya Mahdi” Quranic Décolleté Sleeveless Dress by Yeve Saint Lauren especially made for export to IRI!


No, it’s not that rulers are unavailable, but the professor prefers the accuracy of the chair!


“If you must choose between plane and train, then you must choose the train travel.”
(Imam Khamenei the Supreme Spiritual Leader)
"Excuse me Imam, but do you also do as you preach?
"
(Ahreeman Mirza Qajar)


Lady must be really tired, because the porter is not only carrying her loads but also her bod! And they say women have no rights in Iran! For Allah’s sake, they have their own slaves! Just open your eyes and observe!


Birjand 195 Kilometer (Persian) and 159 Kilometer (English)!
Didn’t you know distance also varies in different languages?!


Sign Reads:
Al Salam Alaik Ya aba Abdallah al Hussein
Free Food Station (only read Salavat prayer for the dead)
Free Food “Only for Sisters”
Public Relations of the Azad University
Excuse me, but do you see a single sister amongst these free loaders? There is even one dayus soldier filling up on the free food!


We congratulate the victorious return of Mr. Ali Sahebi Fard from Honeymoon!
(Your Colleagues)


Female Brain (Persian Version)


Female Brain (English Version)


Male Brain (Persian Version)


Male Brain (English Version)


Islamic Segregated Parking Entrance (Iranian Style)!
Azad (Free AKA Private) University of Tabriz Parking Entrance
Sisters (from the right) and Brothers (from the left)!


Baba jan do you really have to overload?
Persian Trucks are like Persian Donkeys, they back kick and sometimes front kick!


Send SMS (Text Messaging) and win a souvenir
The winners will receive a valuable present
Question: Which one of the special Ramadan TV Series was the best:
1. The Forbidden Fruit, 2. Comatose, 3. Handful of Dirt, 4. Thankful Prayer
SMS your answers to this number …
“Note: production, packaging and shipping fees of our beloved friends’ presents will be on their own!”


Islamic Majlis (Parliament) Representative
Sister has so much work to do (on her desk) but she just loves the Islamic Fashion Magazine!


Shoe Store Sign: We need an under 15 year old assistant!
Namakdun: Is this a shoe store or pedophiliacs’ den? Do you need an assistant to sell shoes or to assist you getting off at the back room?


"May the birth of Imam Hassan, the third shinning star of Imamate and Velayat be blessed."
Sign: Vise President of culture and students affairs
Haj Ahreeman: This illiterate baboon does not even know the history of his own religion, yet he is a university VP! Imam Hassan was the 2nd Shiite Imam, not the third! No wonder our university degrees are worth Shiite!


Baba kheshtak-o vel kon (let go of the shorts)!
What type of defensive move is this? Is this a soccer move or rugby?


At the Seminar
Haji are you all comfy and relaxed? Chai bedim? Would you like some darjiling tea and Qaliyan (Persian Tobacco Pipe)?


Attention University Student Brothers
1. Attendance of students with Spiked, Rooster Crown (Kakoli), Tintin and other fashion (spelled wrong) haircuts in the university are absolutely forbidden!
2. Attendance of students with tattered jeans, short sexy sleeves and T-shirts in the university are absolutely forbidden.


At the Basij Students Rally
Back signs: Death to Israel
Front sign: America, if you’re a Thug for others, for us you are chocolate!
(Basij Students of the 2nd educational division!)


Note behind the store display: Rosary Beads of Haj Yunes Fotuhi has arrived!


Turkish Airlines Ad in Persian Newspaper under the supervision of Usta Parvaz (Flight Master)! This ad is for a tour of the Turkish shores.
In 8 different places (circled) the Anatolia (Turkey) is spelled in every form except Anatolia! It is spelled as: Talia, Analia, Antania, Antalia, Ananalia, …
In 4 different places (circled) the Mediterranean shores is spelled as the Persian Gulf shores!
Question to Turkish Airlines: Who the hell is your adman? He must be a Turk or Azeri?


Proof that Ahmadinejad is a Saint! Do you see the Halo around his head? Hallow is Ahmadi! Na, just kidding, it’s only someone’s turban standing behind him! What did you say? No, not at all … this is not a picture of a group of degenerates or Hamals (porters) from Bazaar, but it is the picture of Ahmadinejad and his cabinet!


Ad reads: A hejabed, religious student friend is needed!
(Sufficient Facilities are provided!)
Phone Number …….
Ahreeman Joon: So in other words, you want a young Muslim Whore to Siqeh (temporary marriage) and to keep as a side dish!


Behind the window of a sandwich shop - Hiring Ad:
A good worker is needed,
Not a Sissy Boy (Bache Soosool)!


On the window of the Video Store it’s written: “The Runaway Bride”
On the steps sits: The Runaway Bride!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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