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Those Funny Crazy Persians:
Part 5

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 5

Ahreeman X
August 15, 2008

It is not that the engineer was retarded, yet he was delusional! He was under the impression that Iranians are a race of giants! Actually if the engineer would only install the ATM machines of this bank just a bit higher, then the bank could give free bonus mini ladders to its customers to come handy in times of quick banking! But seriously, they asked the engineer: Why did you install all the ATM Cash Machines so high? He said: Because I didn’t want the kids to tamper with them and break them! This can only happen in Iran baby, only in Iran …….

Excuse me guys, you two were so involved in necking around that you did not see the Islamic Morality and Dress Police standing right behind yous! I would suggest that you two provide fake marriage IDs (purchased at the university) real fast, just dig deeper in your purse, because he is about to haul your asses back to the station real quick!

Meet Corporal Mehdi Qolamlou also known as Corporal Qand Ali
Goruhban Qand Ali had just hit the jackpot, a warehouse loaded with booze! Beer, Champaign, Vodka, Whiskey, Cognac and everything else you can imagine! But for some weird reason, I have a feeling that this Patriotic, Devout and Islamically Correct Pasdar (Revolutionary Guard) will not haul in all the booze to the IRGC seized material warehouse, but him and his friends will haul the booze to their own private warehouse to be wholesaled in the black-market back to the public with much more reasonable prices than the infidel owner of this warehouse had in mind! Now certain questions come to the mind:
Why Do I think so?
Just take one look at that stupid grin on his face!
How can the IRGC (Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps) resale the booze back to the public?
After the seizure, first they read a verse of Quran and bless the booze to become Halaal and only afterwards, they resale the now Halaal booze back to the public!
Isn’t this act immoral and corrupt?
Possibly yes; however, it is Halaal (Islamically Allowed)!
Do they do this for materialistic and financial reasons?
Hell no, they do it for the benefits in this life and rewards in afterlife, also for the love of Allah!

New Humane Moral and Dress Police Tactics!
Islamic Morality and Dress Police had changed their policy and soften their tone! They are now using logic to motivate the youth in to wearing Hejab! (IRI Media)
Police Commander:
Now Basij Brothers and Sisters of Zeynab pay attention, from now on, this is how I want you to deal with the public ….
* When they wear bright glossy lipsticks, don’t cut them with the blades, but wipe them off with the tissues!
* When they wear heavy makeup, don’t throw acid on their faces, but throw rosewater!
* When they wear short mantou overalls, offer them free Chadors!
* When they wear short scarves, don’t chant:
Ya Rusari, Ya Tu Sari (Proper Hejab or Head Bangs)!
Instead, either gently cover their hairs with the scarves or cut their hairs with delicacy!

Sign: Fresh and Healthy Kabob and Persian Food is served here
Chelo Kabob, Chelo Morq, Chiken Kabob, Qeyme Polo, Kubideh Kabob, …
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me Haji, you know the street-side water-stream which you are washing the dishes in it? 5 minutes ago, Hassan Ali was peeing in it downstream a block away!

24 Hour Clinic
As of this date we are only able to serve the sisters with the higher quality outfits (Chador)!

Dear Sister and Brother:
This escalator is for handicapped faculty and students. In case it breaks down, they cannot attend their workplace or classes; therefore, if you are “Healthy”, use the steps!
Ahreeman Joon: So we conclude that:
I. Escalators in Iranian universities are not designed for mass usage (in other words they are built a bit cheesy)!
II. In Iran, if you are handicap, then you are not considered healthy!
Allah bless Islamic Republic of Iran! Amen!

Excuse me young riders …. Hello? Haji let go of her lips, because soon the Islamic Moral and Dress Police will arrive, check IDs and as long as you two are not related, then your asses will be hauled to the jail, you will be lectured, Quran will be recited to yous, your backs will be lashed, a fine will be charged and if you will not be cooperative, then coke bottles will be inserted in your anuses while a Mullah reads a verse from the Holy Quran to save your souls!

You must be the black sheep! How many times I’ve told you to not separate from the herd?! Now they have no more room in the truck, so they hung your ass upside down by the balls!

Traditional Teahouse
Abgusht (meat soup) in stone dizi pots, Chai (tea), Eskuli Nabat (rock candy)
Along with the beautiful sport of Paddle Boating!!!

Lady Dr. Massoumeh D.
General Medicine, Veterinarian, Psychologist, Dentist, Gynecologist Surgeon, Internal Medicine, pediatrician, Optometrist, Cancer Specialist, ……

Excuse me, this is an exciting Islamic symposium, not the bedroom!

The Results of Skipping School (You will become a trucker)!

Who said our villages are Low-Tech? I detest that remark! Even our Donkey Jockeys own mobiles (cell phones)!

Sisters of Zeynab Muslim Youth Chorus: Khomeini ey Imam, Khomeini ey Imam … Khomeini ey Imam, bezar kun-e babam, Lalay Lalay Lala, Lala Lala La La …..
Ahmadinejad: Dali Mooshe, moosh bokhoretun …. Sieg Heil to Imam!

Khomeini’s picture: Sieg Heil to me!

Another Hard Day of Work in Majlis (Parliament)!
Hojaj, don’t over exhaust yourselves, you may get hernia of the testicles!

Now C’mon you have to admit he is a cute little Jigaboo! All tidy up and gitty with the IRI flag headscarf! This must be after another Rafsanjani and Kar Gozaran (Moderate Fraction of Hezbollah) political rally and speech. Qolam Ali is sitting amazed in the zone with his IRI headscarf! Moosh Bokhoret! To che nazi! Begu to? Jigar-e to, safa-ye to, vafa-ye to, jafa-ye to, shoombool-e to, hab dool-e to, …..

And those God Damn Infidels claim that women do not have equal rights in Iran! Well here is the proof, a lady bus driver in Tehran for sex segregated buses! So what if women cannot be supreme spiritual leaders, presidents, judges, military, human beings ……!!!!

Furnished Room for short term or monthly rent in Narmak Neighborhood!
Haj Ahreeman-e Balkhi: Excuse me, does short term means a few hours or over night for Jendeh Bazi (playing with hookers)?

Culture Clash at the mosque doorstep, Tehran!
Qerti Girl to her friend: Look at these couple of Omol Muslim fanatic eggplants, what are they? Crows or Penguins? I bet they listen to Rowzeh Shiite mourning songs!
Maktabi Girl to her friend: Look at these couple of Jebdeh-jat bad hejab whores, what are they? Westoxicated trash or Tak Parun (part time hookers)? I bet they listen to Ozzy Osbourne!

Islamic Skinny-Dipping in Caspian Sea Shores!
Honey don’t worry and don’t get mad, they think you are swimming with a full hejab, but I know you aren’t wearing underwear! Frag the Islamic Moral and Dress Police, Parvaneh is swimming bare-pussy in Caspian Sea! Who got the last laugh? We showed them who’s the boss honey!

Why Hejab is Mandatory?
Taqi: What kind of hejab is that? All her hair has fallen out of her scarf!
Naqi: Screw the hair, check out her round ass sticking out of her tight mantou!
Vali: Screw the round ass, we are late again! We been waiting half an hour for her to get off the phone so we can call the base! We are late again. This time they will court-martial us! We will be victims of Public Ass Watching and Eyeing Girls (Did Zadan)! This is why Mohammed invented the hejab, so good Muslim soldiers like us would not become victims of bad hejab girls and become late for report of duty!

Mehr Financial and Loan Institute
- “One Line” (Online) Access to all your working accounts, loan accounts, short term and long term accounts in all our branches nationwide.
- Nationwide banking without presence in the bank!
- Banking with Internet, Telephone, E-mail, Text Messaging and Mobile

Ahreeman Mirza Qajar: Holy Camel of the Prophet Mohammed! These guys must be really excited about their new “One Line” (Online) Banking Service!

This is the further proof that Hezbollah always finds a way to fit in to and pass through the slightest and tightest openings and holes! This weasel is going sideways, shoving in between the official greeting guards’ lineup to get to his destination! Find a crack and Hezbollah will stick his schlong in it!

Wonderful Job Opportunity
A franchise supermarket in Bazaar is now hiring an employee with these qualifications:
A veteran Butcher (with high school diploma or a university and related scientific degree!) for the purchase management and the butcher-shop department.
The qualified applicants who are familiar with the “English Language” and “Computers” must send their resume by November 11, 2006 (date in Persian and Latin) to this e-mail: or to this fax number: 021-2287-2181.
Ahreeman Joon: You see kiddies? Even to be a butcher in Iran, you must have a scientific degree, speak English and know computers! However the qualifications for presidency is to own no brains and to look like an ape! Allah bless Ahmadinejad!

No Blowjobs for Ali Larijani!
L. Hojatol Eslam Dooli: Mr. Speaker is going for presidency, we must discuss our possible future positions in his cabinet. Simple ass kissing won’t do, we must go straight to handjob and blowjob. I brought my rosewater flavor edible condom (purchased from Qom) to put on Mr. Speaker’s schlong!
R. Hojatol Eslam Kuni: I got you and I’m one step ahead of you …. Yum yum, gimmi some, uhm uhmmmmm malach molouch, malach ……
C. Ali Larijani: It is good to be the speaker of the house but it is better to be a presidential candidate in IRI. It has French Benefits! Excuse me Hojaj, would you rub some lotion on your beards and mustaches, they scratch my sensitive Moameleh down there! My Balls are also ticklish! Allah bless!

Omid Reza Photo: Battery, Film, Rental Camera, 17 minutes color film development
Asadi: All types of Tasbih (Islamic Rosary Beads) are re-threaded!
Go inside the shopping center =>

High school girl talks!
R. Mehri: Hey guys, don’t look now but check out the briefcase and fancy shoes on the Mullah!
C. Sisi: He’s probably a Theocracy Professor at the Elahiyat Religious Study University. He probably disapproves our outfits and maybe wants to lecture us about bad hejabs!
L. Mozhi (looking at the Mullah): No, I think the son of a bitch is checking us out as prospect Siqe for temporary marriage!

Driver: Sister, here’s a dollar for cleaning my windshield but couldn’t you find a better summer job than doing this?
Student: Thanks to Ahmadinejad’s economical program, it is either this or standing the Red Light!

Yahoo Mail Commercial Con Website, Iranian Style!
(This is not a joke, it is a real website inside Iran.)
Ad on top left
Look carefully, this lady has not washed her chador with the Meshkin Naz product!
Top right
Have Yahoo ID? Then come on in! Lost your password? Non of my business!
Left Side
You can buy cheap large 2 Gig Yahoo e-mails right here (click)! Need help? Call us!
You’re still not a member? God Forbid!
It is amazing that you are still reading these nonsense, just go and become a member (click)!
 More than 1000 Meg space.
Oh I forgot what type of mail was this space for!
 We get rid of spam.
Of course this is a sales pitch and a gimmick!
 Everything you need:
Water, Electricity, Gas, Telephone and everything else … (for more information click)!
Yahoo E-mail for other misfortunate nations:
Denmark, Spain, France, Italy, Norway, England, ….
Powered by Ali!

Outside an Iranian Underground Party
Now is this any respectable behavior for good Muslim girls to pose for the camera in presence of the guys? Shame on yous! You will all burn in Hell in afterlife!

Guy biting his finger: What type of Islamic Outfit is this?!
Ahreeman: This is not an Islamic outfit, this lady is begging for attention and asking to be picked up! She is just too shy to shout it! And they say Hejab is not sexy! Akh che nazeh!

Lady I don’t care if you are a tourist and not familiar with our culture, but you do not and I repeat that you do not bend over in this manner to read the road sign, 15 kilometer to city of Qazvin, the National Iranian Anal Sex, Ass Banging, Homo Heaven and Child Molestation Capital! It is a trap! Why do you think the sign is posted so low? I guess you will end up learning the hard way!

A formal and official military parade and Haji is digging in to the fruits and refreshments! Only in IRI!

Dr. Connie Tang (Kun-e Tang = Tight Ass in Persian) Optometrist!

Iranian proposed future flag!
The Chelo Kabob Soltani Flag
I believe we should stop the controversy of Lion and Sun with or without the sword and with the straight Persian sword or the curved Arabic sword, Allah logo, or plain no logo or whatever else emblems! Let’s see what do we all have in common? Everybody loves Chelo Kabob, no? Check it out: One skewer of Barg (Filet Mignon) Kabob, one skewer of Kubideh (Ground Beef) Kabob, side of charbroiled Gojeh (tomato) on a bed of Saffron toped Basmati (Long Grain) Rice cooked and grilled to perfection, Persian Style! Now this is a universal emblem for the centerpiece of the Iranian Flag!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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