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Only in Iran - Part 7
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Those Funny Crazy Persians:
Part 7

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 7

Ahreeman X
December 29, 2008

Iranian Men and Women Toilet Sign, ... only in Iran baby!
Maktabi Toilet Sign: This one must belong to Hezbollah because the woman’s Hejab and headscarf are long and very Maktabi.

Iranian Toilet Sign: This one is from North Tehran because the woman’s hejab and headscarf are shorter and more fashionable!

At a school in suburbs of North Tehran
From Left to Right:
Mooshi: Hey girls, check it out, in the sky, what the hell is that? It’s a bird!
Sedi: Holy Shiite, Jumping Imams, … what the hell is that? By the left testicle of Imam Hussein’s Horse, that’s the new IRI made “Shataraq” jet fighter, yeh ….. It’s a plane!
Fati: No, it’s dropping brown stuff all over the sky. I think it’s the spirit of Imam Khomeini came back from the other side to Shiite all over Iran again!
Poopi: Not at all, all of you are wrong. It’s Akbar Shah’s (Rafsanjani) private campaign plane dropping Shiite (brown color campaign flyers) out of the plane for the next presidential elections. It’s true; Shiite is falling from the sky!

Excuse me Shidoshi Fatmeh Arqeh, don’t allow this young disciple to kick so high because she may rip something apart or tear something down there ……

Baba jan, your Shidoshi instructor is an idiot, don’t follow her instructions; you may rip apart your poonani and tear your virginity curtain. This is Islamic Republic of Iran, when chastity is gone, then no one will marry you and you end up growing up to become an old and fat Bull Dyke FemiNazi, joining the Sisters of Zeynab legions!

Forget about it, this Shidoshi simply doesn’t get it! Oy, Ahay …. Fatmeh Arqeh, yes you …. I’m talking to you ….., let go of this poor child’s leg. These high Karate kicks may increase her chances of self defense but they will surely decrease her chances of marriage in later years! Keep stretching her legs and she will tear her virginity curtain and no one will marry her! All types of rumors will start around town. They will assume that she slept around. No one would believe that she had lost it in the Karate Class! Then we have to take her around clinics for a patch up job, so we can marry her off to some moron! Now do you understand? Can you hear me now?

That’s it, now you done it! Baba jan, this last move had surely done the job! I am sure you ripped something down there! Now we can never marry you off, even to the horny and mentally challenged Hezbollah!

No, they are not martial artists practicing Karate! They are outlawed and banned filmmakers, trying to freeze-frame a shot in this scene! IRI took away their cameras, so they practice with air cameras!

At some café in North Tehran, Soosoo and Joojoo are chilling!
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me ladies, this is not Hollywood! Did you forget you are in Iran? I don’t know where to begin: Colorful clothes, colorful half ass headscarves, tight trousers, no sox, hair is showing and on top of it all, naked ankles are showing! Cover them ankles; Mullahs are very sensitive about the ankles! One peekaloo on a naked ankle and Ayatollahs will wet their holy robes and labadeh! Have mercy and behave! This is far from proper Islamic Hejab! What kind o Muslim are yous?! You two are causes for an erection waiting to happen! Shame on yous! Cover them ankles first and then put on some chadors! ... La Ellaha Ella Allah …. Ya’ouz a Billah ….

Sign on the window In Turkish and Persian:
“The place for Wholesale and Retail”
Ahreeman Joon: Wholesale and retail of what? Ass?!

Talking about ass, check out the body building tournament in Tehran!
Massoumeh Ebtekar (Ex Vice President) is wetting her panties, trousers and chador!
Siqeh Vajeb!

Top: Schools before 1979 Islamic Reaction
Bottom: Schools after 1979 Islamic Reaction
Who said Iran is going backward in time to 7th Century AD?!

“Awesome Islamic Propaganda for Villagers”
Dear Villager Residing in Tehran
These new western concepts: Improper Hejab, Westoxication, Faggish Behavior, Sex before Marriage, No Prayer, Cigarettes, Music, Satellite TV, Internet, Mobile (Cell Phone), Anti Theft Device, Illiteracy, Anti Culture, Sickness, Insecurity, Uninformity, Inferiority, Lowlifeness, and immorality have been forced upon the humanity and will put the humans lower than the animals!
Ahreeman Joon: Ehem, eheeem …. Why the Cell Phone and Anti Theft Device are included?

Excuse me, this is an Islamic country but what kind of Islamic dress code are those?

Is this the bride’s car? I didn’t know water is so expensive in Iran? Obviously there’s shortage of soap too!

In Majlis (Parliament)
Hezbo (Right): Haji I’m so glad to see you, give me a hug and kisses on both cheeks.
Haji (left): Oh my dear boy, Shab bia baq (tonight come to the garden)!

In Majlis (Iranian Parliament)
Ali Larijani: Aqa have some shame, this is an Islamic nation. Stop touching me, curb your enthusiasm. Stop feeling me and rubbing me! And if you must touch me, then at least pay a Quarter in American money for each touch! This maybe an Islamic country but it is also a Capitalistic country!

Arabs of Khuzestan (South Iran) skinny dipping in the river!
Salman to Tahereh: Honey, Heshmat is watching the kids, you look so sexy and appetizing in this new head to toe black hejab, it is so Fetishfully S&M. Lift up the hejab, dress, undergarment, trousers, underwear and panties, so we can nookie underwater!

Tradition and Modernity: Contradictions in the Islamic world!

Friendly Game of Polo in Iran
Saeed (left): Damn, I missed the ball!
Saeed’s Horse (middle): Frag the ball, you almost hit my chin!
Hashem (right): Just picture you are kicking Khomeini’s ass and you will hit the ball!

New and strange looking metal objects are popping up all around Iranian cities! (Media)
Writings on the metal object:
Donation cures 70 types of diseases and misfortunes
The Charity and Donation Box of Imam

Akbari: Is that one of those new parkometers?
Asqari: No, it is one of those new Islamic “Yataqan” (drive shaft) sticking in public eye!

Majid the Persian Birdman
Preorder your birds here.
Bird sound CDs and Cassettes are available.
Bird training CDs and Cassettes are available

Majid’s House of Birds
All types of cages are available.
We cure all types of bird diseases.
All types of birds are available: Canary, Parrot, Love Bird, etc.
You can call us 24 hours.
Working Hours: ……
Address: ……

New and improved model of Persian Traditional Toilet with noiseless siphon!
If you can’t squat, then your Shiite is out of luck!
Too much rectal pressure and struggle during squatting can cause hemorrhoids and/or hernia!

Joys of Persian Bathroom!
Left: Persian Traditional Toilet for squatters!
Right: Western Toilet for sitters!
You can squat or sit but you must dump the Shiite in the Shiite Can!

At the International Sports Event
Girl holding the USA Placard: Why Iran is written larger than America?
Girl holding the IRI Placard: Because Iran is really shoving it to USA in the Middle East!

Iranian Wrestler (blue): You are putting too much pressure on my stomach and it’s erupting much gas!
American Wrestler (red): God dammit, why did you have to eat Ash Reshteh (Bean Stew) last night? I can’t breathe, I think I’m gagging and choking, change your diet man!

After a friendly wrestling match in Tehran, who thinks about what?
Left to Right:
Hassan Pashmi (blue wrestler): I gots the hard-on for this pearly white American boy. He’s a tall one. I like to throw him on the mattress and rub myself like a dog on his buttocks or leg! I have a woody, it’s embarrassing!
Kal Abbas (white referee): I know this hairy bastard wants to bang the American boy. Hassan Pashmi is too large and he may permanently damage the Yankee boy’s rectum! This would be diplomatically tragic; therefore, I must avoid this catastrophe by personally making an executive decision and banging this boy myself!
Gaylord Dingleberry (red wrestler): Back home they told me all about the Persian Hospitality, but I think these guys are a bit too friendly! I don’t know if it was his wrestling style but Hassan was really pressing hard upon me in the ring and right now this bald headed referee is holding on me way too tight, kind o like a leech!

During the Friday Prayer
Little Girl: What are all these women doing kneeling, standing and bending over up and down? Is there something wrong with their lower backs or do they have the shakes?

Friday Prayer in Shiraz
Little Girl: Stop bending over and close your legs. Wearing all these hejabs in summer, you are sweaty and smelly, BO is out of control, I can’t breathe! Would someone please take me away from here? Anywhere but here? Anyone? Anybody?

Friday Prayer in Tehran
Bald Guy: Oh my God, they are bending over again! Isn’t there anyone here in habit of taking daily showers and using deodorants? I can’t take it anymore! I got a headache due to too much BO (Body Odor)! Allah please save me from month old feta cheese smell! These asses and feet are heavenly!

Is there a shortage of clip boards and classifieds bulletins in Iran?! What's with $ Bills?

On the way to sacrificial slaughter!
Baby Lamb: Let go of me, you infidel. I’m a Muslim and you’re a Muslim. We’re both lambs of Allah, then why do you want to kill me and eat me? Stop being a cannibal! Cannibalism is against Islam! Don’t harm and eat your brother! Stop pulling me you infidel! … and who are these two eggplants following me? They are crowding me, I feel like fainting, all this anxiety is making me short of breath!

At the Symposium
Left to Right:
Habib Kadu (to himself): This woman is very bold, she is questioning the president, freshly!
Ahmadinejad: Sister, please let go of my finger!
Batool: You fingered the whole nation for 4 years, now it’s my turn to break that damn finger!

Ahmadinejad: But seriously, they must give me some type of award! Singlehandedly I managed to destroy the economy of a large nation and it only took me 4 years! And they said it can’t be done! Those fools! This is why I sincerely believe that I was put on this Earth for a greater purpose! I’m the hands of Mahdi (The Absent Imam) to prepare the environment for his reappearance! How else could I have done it all by myself?!

And how could you dress up like that in the mosque? Where the hell are the Islamic Dress Police and Basij Militia when you need them? Ahhh yeh, they are the ones who are standing by, watching her and drooling at the background! Only in Iran baby!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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