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Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 9

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 9

Ahreeman X
October 9, 2009

Qazanfar the Baker
Ladies and Gentlemen please meet Qazanfar the baker! Qazanfar is a baker and a proud clerk in a Tehran Bakery – Tobacco Shop! What a combo! Qazanfar sells bakery, pastry and then cigarettes and tobacco for pipe and qalyan (Persian water pipe)! Qazanfar is displaying one of his special orders, a smoking lamb cookie swirl with a happy birthday card! What a way to greet someone’s birthday with cancer sticks! Special Birthday Cake Made in IRI. Only in Iran baby, only in Iran …

Iranian Female Anti Riot Police in action!
Captain Fati (in the middle with baton pointing forward): Make sure you’ll catch those two bitches with pink scarves and Michael Jackson T-Shirts and crack their heads wide open. We need to make a statement and suppress these bimbos or we will have a full blown Feme-Riot on our hands! Got it?
Officer Nazi (in the middle with baton pointing upward): Yes captain, Islamic dress code must be obeyed at all costs! No ankle or hair must be shown and no gay colors must be worn. They are insults to Allah and Mohammed the Prophet! I will personally shove this baton up their Habibaties so they can see the light of Allah!

Iranian Women Police (Sisters of Zeynab)
Kobra (right): Now if a protestor attacks you with a baton like I do, then pull your baton straight up like this to block the attack, yeh just like that …. Hey wait a second, the intersection of our batons made a cross! That’s sign of the infidels! Let’s change position and do another tactic!
Soqra (left): Yes Sister Kobra … Praise be upon Allah!

Dirty Sakineh at the Sisters of Zeynab Shooting Range!
Sakineh: Make my day punk. They call me “Dirty Sakineh”, the long lost Persian sister of Dirty Harry! I’m the best shot this side of Arvand River. Other side of Arvand River belongs to some Arab bitch but on this side, I’m the Big Eggplant Badenjan! Bring it on punk …

Iranian Women Police Force in action!
Zobeydeh (left): It looks like 1 centimeter above the Islamic limit. She is showing ankle!
Zari (center): For God’s sake, I’m wearing black head to toe, what else do you want? Don’t you guys have anything better to do? I’m in rush, I have a business appointment. Can we get on with this, write me a ticket; actually I’ll pay up right now, how much?
Hameleh (right): Indeed 1 centimeter above the ankle plus she’s showing some hair too! We need to take her to jail, make her watch a video on Islamic Dress Codes, enlighten her and put the fear of Allah into her bones! Ya Allah, let’s go woman. We will make a good Muslimette out of you!

Islamic Dress Code must be obeyed
Maliheh (left): Listen bitch, you’re wearing a half ass pink scarf, you’re showing hair, you’re wearing designer bag, you’re wearing short manteau, you’re showing ankle and on top of them all, you’re listening to that Dead Condemned White Transvestite Pedophile, Michael Jackson on the headphone! This is 20 lashes and two weeks jail on the spot. Corporal Hassan, take this bitch away and dump her in the van now …
Sisi (center): What if I stop listening to Michael Jackson?
Hassan (right): Yes Madam Lieutenant. Let’s go Westoxicated Infidel Wench. Hurry up, rush into the van before Lieutenant Maliheh sees the flaws in my getup and punishes me with a few lashes!

Iranian Fashionable Girls arrested by the Islamic Dress Police
Peggy (front): What the frag! Just because I’m wearing Gol Magooli flowered scarf, I’m being targeted! This is profiling! Aisha, the 6 year old child bride of the prophet, herself was wearing Gol Magooli flowered scarves! It’s not fair!
Mooshi (back): OK I know I’m wearing forbidden patterned scarf, showing hair, neck and ankle, but what if I cover my face? Would that be enough Islamically correct to buy me a ticket out of jail?

Iranian Fashion Mannequins: Black is Islamically correct so we just colored our faces black to avoid harassment by the Islamic Dress Police. We are afraid of them!

Ayatollah Rafsanjani: I am also afraid of Sisters of Zeynab Police Force. These women are not normal; they have gigantic balls this big, hidden under their chadors! Some of them have schlongs longer than me. I believe a lot of them are in fact Chicks with Dicks, transsexuals or natural born Bull Dykes!

Iranian Soccer Club
3rd from front: We’re also afraid of Sisters of Zeynab. They check our hejabs before each game!
2nd from front: I’m also a transsexual but still afraid of the Sisters of Zeynab finding flaws in my hejab!

Malaysian Female Soccer Player (right): Who said Persian bitches can’t jump?! With her hair cover, this bitch looks like some Persian Immortal from the 300 spoof Movie out of the Hollywood!

Malaysian Female Soccer Player (right): Oh no, this Persian bitch is giving the monkey look to the ball! She gonna jinx the ball!

Sister of Zeynab screaming in the megaphone from the sideline (not in the picture): Hey number 8 of the blue team, you are showing some knee. This is an intolerable insult to Islam and the Prophet. Cover the knees properly and make sure to drop by the Police stand after the game to pay a fine or go to jail!

Iranian Bull Dyke Soccer Fans: Hey hey, Hoe, hoe, we eat poontang and we’re damn proud of it!

Iranian Women Soccer Team Practice
Red Jersey to Black Warm-up: Are we soccer players or Immortals from the 300 spoof movie out of the Hollywood?! I just love these outfits!

Traffic Jam, Iranian Style!
Hassani: What happened?
Husseini: Nothing much, the driver was trying to save time by reading the Namaz Prayer and driving the trash truck at the same time!

Emergency Fuel Refill, Iranian Style!
Iran is the 4th largest oil producing country and owner of the 3rd vast oil resources in the world, yet with 70 million population and only 10 refineries, she has a huge internal gas shortage problem! So what does Iran do about this problem? Instead of building more refineries, she tries to go nuclear! Iran imports gasoline from a piss-ant Arab nation such as Libya! The gas shortage causes the drivers to seek alternative options! Now don’t mistake this picture with refueling during a NASCAR Auto Race, not at all! These are average streets of Tehran! Call it a quick refill, a black-market refill or a creative fuel refill, Persian Style, but these episodes happen, only in Iran baby, only in Iran …

The Heavenly 72 Virgins, Iranian Style!
Oh No …… are these my 72 Virgins?! I want my money back! I want my life back! I don’t want to be a Jihadi Suicide Bomber no more! This can’t be heaven! This must be a mistake! Would someone please wake me up from this nightmare? Would someone please Help me, Help ……..

Sisters of Zeynab Protest
These are Hardcore Hezbollah Wenches in chadors, Palestinian Style checkered scarves and shoulder bands which reads:
“The secret to victory is Fatima Al-Zahra’s (prophet’s step daughter) path.”
These bimbos cannot write and spell English worth of Shiite!
In Persian they wrote:
“Bush, the subject of hatred for all nations
 Rice never had a mother and never been a mother
Olmert, the ear-ringed black slave of Bush
Blair, the fox-like savage”

In English they translated it as:
“ Bush-Blair-Rice And-Olmert are children of the Beach (bitch) criminals of war should go on trial they are disgrace of the history”
What the frag? Set aside from disastrous format, punctuations, capitalization, spell and grammar errors, these bimbos do write English the same way that they speak Persian! It simply doesn’t make sense to think in one language and speak with the other one!

Lost and Found, Iranian Style!
Along with other announcements behind the window:
“An amount-some of rice has been found!”

Parking Note, Iranian Style!
A mad Samaritan wrote a note on the car, the equivalent English meaning reads:
“Dear Village Hick, you sold your cows and sheep, came to town and bought a car. When parking in front of someone’s home while going away for a few hours and doing whatever the hell that you are doing, make sure to turn off your god damn alarm!”

Back of the truck reads:
“By the life and tradition of Imam Ali, whoever you are, just be a Real Man!”

Talking about bloopers in all the wrong places! Sign reads:
“The Islamic Revolution leaning on the power of the people is damageable (not damageable)!”
(Education Department of the 19th District of the City of Tehran)
… and the munchy in the bag is for the students who sincerely believe in this motto!

Attention Dormitory Students
“According to the latest laws and regulations of the province, using the mobile cam (cell phone camera) in the dormitory is absolutely banned. However, the sisters (female students) are allowed to take their time, stop using the mobile cams, right until the beginning of the finals this term! So from next term, we will severely punish those who use mobile cams! Students are welcomed to report any violations to the university staff.”
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me, so which is it? Are they banned from this term or from next term? Or are they banned half ass this term and fully next term? The same as everything else in Iran, this announcement is full of contradiction and confusion!

Old Man: Ya Imam Ali, please kill all the Mullahs!
Ahreeman: Hey watch it, there’s one sitting right behind you!

Avicenna: God damn Mullahs even hatted, punked and fooled me!

Iranian Woman Archer Athlete: Don’t I look a little bit like the Immortal Archers in the 300 spoof movie out of the Hollywood?!

Parking Structure, Iranian Style!
In Iran, when there are no parking structures available, we create one! Check out the very expensive Zhian (Citroen) parked on the roof!

Hair Fashion, Iranian Style!
Elvisi and Kakoli
Elvis Style AKA Elvisi (left) and Rooster Crown Style AKA Kakoli (right)
An Ahreemanic Advice for the Boys:
Ahreeman Joon: Bache kuniya be jaye kun dadan berin paye dars khundan!
Ahreemanic Literal Translation: Dear Gay Boys, instead of giving your asses away, go and attend to your studies!

At the IRI Hi-Tech Conference
Asadollah (left): These cookies are good but I enjoy digging into Chelo Kabob Soltani and munch on it with my hands like this!
Zemanat (right): Pst … Curb your enthusiasm boy, this will be one of those 6 hour long conferences … with no Chelo Kabob!

Questions which comes to the mind at the Jumma Friday Prayer?
Front Row Center, man in white shirt sitting next to the Mullah bending over to pray:
How the hell did this son of a bitch (Prayer Imam) get into that hole? And why the hell are you (the mullah bent over on the left) off beat, everyone has risen and you are still bending over?!

Ahmadinejad at a formal diplomatic dinner AKA Hick goes to Town!
(Samad be Polo Khori miravad!)
Ahmadi Samad Aqa: No one can eat Chelo Kabob like me! I’m not used to sitting on the chair!
(Hich ki namitunah mesle mo Chelo Kabob bokhorah! In Aqahe chera fokoliyah?!)

Ahmadinejad at a lecture referring to Mahdi
Ahmadi Samad Aqa: Any of you who disagrees, I’m going to poke you in the eye with this finger!
(Hick ki namitunah mesle mo angosht be chesh o chal bezanah!)

Holy Lavat (Islamic Anal Sex) under the IRI Flag!
“Islamic Lavat (Anal Sex) is Halaal (Religiously Recommended); however, it may result in torn rectum and severe injury!” (IRI Media)
Tehran’s Imam Jumma: Yeh baby yeh, this is so intense that my eyes are rounding (Chesham gerd shod)!
Ahmadi: At least use some Vaseline, you feel like a Bulldozer!

Classic and Fashionable Islamic Hejab, Persian Style!
Persians always tend to find a fashionable way to wear the boring Islamic hejab! Iranian creativity indeed……

Iranian Cinderella
Oh God, please let this be the Cinderella Sandal which fits me but don’t let my Prince Charming to be a Mullah or a Haji Bazaari! I’m looking for a Prince Charming to take me away from this Shiite hole!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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