An Islamic Halloween
Ahreeman X
October 15, 2007

Halloween Box Office Hits from Tehran!

Puppet Master 1: Puppets Come Alive!
Khayami: Who are you?!
Sister Ebadi: I am The New Face of Reforms!
Khayami: That's not fair, I wanna go for the 3rd Term!
Master, don't you Loves me no more?!
Puppeteer Fesenjan: I Loves you, but Umma' of Islam, needs a New Toy!
A new toy will keep the Umma' busy and calm for a few more years!
Khayami: Boo Hoo Barahoot, oohoo oohoo, mope mope ... sigh!

Puppet Master 2: The Love Affair - Creator and Creation!
Sister Ebadi: Master, do you Loves me?
I won the Piss Nipple Price (Peace Noble Prize)?!
Puppeteer Fesenjan: I Loves you Topoli Mopoli, let me pinch your cheekies!
Sister Ebadi: Will you Loves me enough for presidency? (Googly eyes)!
I play the same tune as you teach me to?!
Puppeteer Fesenjan: If not presidency, for sure Majlis Parliament Rep.!
Now be a good Reformist and show the world what a Pious Muslim Woman is all about!
Sister Ebadi: I'll do as you wish.
Puppeteer Fesenjan: If I'll make Imam, you'll be the president.
Sister Ebadi: I Loves you Master, I Loves your Sharky Fuzzy Beard (Giggle Giggle)!
Master is so Romantic, I Loves Fesenjan!

Puppet Master 3: Revenge of Sister Ebadi!
Khayami: Damn, I'm in the middle of an interview but all I can think of, is that Bad Hejab, unpious, bold woman! She is ruining my 3rd Term presidency! Damn Qerti Woman, get out of my head! I do all the "dialogue among civilization" and "rule of law" and Master has chosen this Saliteh Bimbo as Star of The Show! After Ahmadi, I want to go for the 3rd term. How come I don't win "Piss Nipple Price", Carter and Arafat did ... sigh?! I don't Loves this Zaife!
Thought of Sister Ebadi: Ya Allah, when can we get rid of this Seyed Kalam (Cabbage)?!
He wasn't thrilled and he only made a short comment on my winning of the Piss Nipple award! He doesn't Loves me, I don't Loves him!

Puppet Master 4: Ebadi Rides the Reform!
Bull Dyke Rides the Reform Donkey!
Shirin Ebadi (Shashid Ezafi) as Queen of the Damned!

Child's Play 1: Imam Fondles the Child!
Khomeini: Beche, let me pinch your tok meme!
Beche: Uncle Ruhollah, you better let go of my titie,
Or I will poke you in the eye with my finger, like Samad Aqa.

Child's Play 2: Return of Hamadi Fil - Ahmadi is Back!
Hamadi Fil: Gues who?
Jack: Help Me, there is a psycho in the house!
Hamadi Fil: Ahmadi's Back! They call me "Hamadi Fil" (Ahmadi Elephant) because I am broad shouldered, muscular and tall like elephant!

Child's Play 3: Blessing the Boy!
Hakim: boy, I'm not a Catholic Priest and you're not an Alter Boy, but
let's show the world some Islamic Passion! That's what I'm talking about,
boy! Come and be blessed by The Ayatollah! Don't worry, I'm your Marjae
Taqlid and Mahram to you!

The Thing from the Black Hole!

Yadollah: Infidels, if you don't convert to Islam immediately, your face will change to this!

Top 25 Sci-Fi Movies of All Times!
(Made in Islamic Republic of Iran)

25. Islamist I: Khomeini is Alive!
24. Islamist II: Seyed Ali Kuni, Imam-e Bumi
23. Islamist III: Pasdaran Coup and Hamadi Fil Rule
22. Star Gate Allah 1: Dawn of Hamadi Fil (Ahmadinejad)
21. Evolution: Hamadi Fil is the Missing Link!
20. The Amazing Vanishing Iranian Budget!
19. The Incredible Quran Reading SheHulk: Shirin Ebadi Comes Alive!
18. The Amazing Sticky Finger Man from Rafsanjan!
17. Fatman (Fesenjani) and Romp-in (Khayami): Legends of The Dark Knight
16. Allahman I (Iranville)
15. Doom: The Coming of Imam (1979)
14. Turban Wars I: Reformist Puppets Block Revolution!
13. Turban Wars II: Fundamentalists Strike Back
12. Turban Wars III: Seyed Khayami Talks People To Death!
11. Turban Wars IV: Attack of The Reforms
10. Turban Wars V: Fesenjani Wins it All
09. Turban Wars VI: Ebadi, A New Puppet of Reform
08. Battle Star Islamica: Mullah-ns on Imperial Throne!
07. Mullah Tricks I: Destruction of Persian Empire!
06. Mullah Tricks II: The Next Generation (of Reforms)
05. Mullah Tricks III: Klingons versus Ayatollah Khans!
04. Turbanator III (T3): Fesenjani Cashes in on Iranian Budget!
03. X2: The Uncanny Akbar Ganji, Ex Hezbo Pasdar and Present Reformist!
02. The Close Encounter of The Islamic Kind (smell of week old sox in The Mosque)!
01. Pitch Black Hejab: EggPlants on The March (Zeynab Sisters' Story)!

Top 25 Horror Movies of All Times!
(Made in Islamic Republic of Iran)

25. Saw I: Maniac in Office of Presidency!
24. Saw II: Psycho Becomes President!
23. Saw III: Hamadi Fil and Nukes!
22. Psycho IV: Hamadi Fil's Interview - We Have No Gays in Iran!
21. War of the Worlds: Hamadi Fil in UN
20. Attack of The Killer Turbans
19. An-Qolab-e Eslami (1979 Version)
18. Tehran's Chainsaw Massacre (1980 Version)
17. Khalkhali's Horror Picture Show
16. The Reappearance of Shiite Mahdi: Coming of Imam Khomeini
15. Howling Azan II: Imam's Picture in The Moon!
14. Nightmare on Jamaran Street
13. I Know Where You Been the Last 29 Years (Iranian Opposition)!
12. Exportist I: Drunken Fixer Upper becomes Akbar Shah!
11. Exportist II: Fesenjani Exports $ to Cayman Islands' Bank Accounts!
10. Exportist III. Demon Fesenjan and Swiss Dollars from Hell!
09. A New Nightmare: Jason Fallahian versus Freddie Khayami
08. Alien: The British Imam in The Moon
07. Aliens: He Came from Paris!
06. The Thing (that took over Iran and would not Die)!
05. Invasion of the Crown Snatchers (1979)
04. Serial Imam: My Imam is an Ax Murderer!
03. My Bloody Islamic Valentine: Haji's Daughter Pops Virginity!
02. Metamorphosis: Yesterday's Whore, Today's Pious VP (Massoumeh Ebtekar Story)
01. Puppet Masters: Strings of Reform!