The Cell Phone Drivers!
(People who need to be Luricant thread!)
Folks:
Let me put it this way, I despise these people
more than I despise Islamists! I hate them with a passion! These days, every piss-ant kid has a cell phone or as they call it Mobile in England or Iran! Once upon a time, it was strictly for businessmen but now it is for all Business-An!
I must be the last person on Earth who does not have a cell phone & neither cares to own one! I mean I am a dead busy person & I do not even own a cell phone! How can you be more busy than I? How can all of these people be so busy that they can't wait until they finish their driving & then call on their cells? What the hell is so important that these people must call & attend to, while driving?!
Statistics
30% of all auto accidents in United States are caused by Cell Phone Drivers! Cell phone drivers are killing people as bad as drunk drivers! Then we got those A Holes who drive with no hands, because with one hand, they hold the cell & with other, a sandwich that they are eating! And then we got those God Damn women who drive with no hands, because with one hand they are holding the cell & with other, they are applying make-up! And of course, we got those Car-Phone enthusiasts who have a speaker phone in their vehicles, so they have two free hands to both read the paper & eat while driving their large SUVs!
These are the same people who cut in front of you without a blinker! These are same people who pass the stop sign, without allowing you to go first, on your turn to go! These are the same people who cut you off in the freeway, in the street, on the intersection, on the stop sign, without the right of the way! And do you know why? Because they are bloody talking on the phone & they have no clue of what is going on in the street!
IRI is better than USA in one thing!
Islamic Republic of Iran is more advanced than United States of America, @ least in one thing! Are you thinking computer science? No, no, no, even though in today's Iran, every corner of the country is run by networks of computers & all industries, businesses & government sectors are fully computerized, yet that's not it!
In Iran, if you drive & talk on the cell phone @ the same time, you will get a ticket! No ifs or buts, you will get a ticket! How come in the most advanced, most civilized, most powerful, most sophisticated nation on Earth, the US of A, we do not have the same law? What the frag is wrong with this country?!
My Alternative Solution
Sometimes I wish, if I had superpowers to just point my index finger (while driving) to any traffic violator & zap them out of the face of the Earth! Only point my finger @ them & they would have exploded out of existence! Specifically, the God Damn menaces such as:
Driving Menaces
Old People 
, whom are dying behind the wheel of their automobiles driving 40 mph in the fastest lane of the freeway!
Maniac Drivers 
, whom are zig zagging around & in between cars, going 90mph in a jam-packed freeway!
Teenagers 
, whom drive the freeways like they are driving the Nascar Race!
Oriental women 
, whom have no clue of what driving means, yet they are aggressive as hell!
Bats out of Hell 
, speed freaks, whom drive with such rush that it is like the end of the world! It is better to get there late than never, no?! These people do not know how to slow down & that's why they cause all these accidents!
But the worst of the worst, the killers of highways & streets are Cell phone drivers!
Sons of bitches, what the hell is so important that you can't wait to stop driving & then call & attend to it? Must you shoot Shiite with your butt buddy on the phone while driving? I mean Bill Gates does not drive & talk on the cell phone @ the same time! Are you mother fraggers more busy than Bill Gates?! What is so important than it can't wait? You are endangering people's lives!
I am a defensive driver & I hate offensive drivers! City streets & Freeways are not Race Tracks! You wanna race, then go to tracks bozo!
Guaranteed Solution
Here is my possible solution:
Lets lay all cell phone drivers, flat in the streets, belly to the pavement, hands & feet stretched diagonally from 4 directions, nailed to the pavement, butt stuck in the air, & then bring on one prime Persian Donkey with gigantic Schlong for every other driver to "Luricant" him/her in the most violent way, while every other driver is being heavily "Luricant" by one of my task force soldiers, via a large size Baseball Bat! and then after each violent Luricant, the donkey & soldier, switch places, so basically each cell phone driver will get "Luricant" two times, once by a Big Boned Persian Donkey & also once by a Baseball Bat! And if by an odd chance, they will make it through all this & still conscious, then I will personally perform my special Anal Stretching action with my personal Robotic Frag Machines Collections:
Robotic Frag Machines
http://iranpoliticsclub.net/club/viewto ... 8624a#2363
I am a busy man but I am willing to devote my personal time, supervising a Special Task Force to Frag the Cell Phone Drivers! It is my patriotic duty as an Iranian-American to rip "All" Cell Phone Drivers' rectums to shred, in a way that they shall not be able to sit for months to come! I shall do my best to send them all to hospitals with torn rectums! Personally I do not care if they bleed to death or to survive! I hate these reckless people with a passion!
Are you a Cell Phone Driver?
Then Frag you too!
Did you get offended?
Ahhhhhhhhhhh what a plain shame!
Well I do not give a Frag! Actually you are damn lucky, for me not to get my hands, my bat, my Robotic Frag Machine or my Donkey on you (take your pick)! Offended my butt, I will bleed you to death! You are so damn lucky that I am not the head of your local city's Motor-vehicle! Or else, I would have introduced new traffic laws to your town! But I assure you that I would have taken care of the Cell Phone Driving problem! Once I was done, there would have been no more Cell Phone Drivers, or virgin anuses (either way)!
Just assign me, this duty & there will be no cell phone drivers in streets of America! I will take care of the problem, "The Persian Way"!
Traffic Police Ahreeman, they call me! Violate the law & bleed to death, analy! And that's Ahreeman's Way!
Do you feel like I do?
Then join the "
Ahreemanic Butt Busting Task Force"!
I am sure there are plenty of people out there who feel the same way that I do, & those are people whom I shall draft as my "Special Task Force" to Tear Ass! It is a great stress relief exercise & it is also a service to traffic & our nation!
My Policy
To do what Salah al-Din al Ayubid & Saracens done to Crusaders in The Crusades. To plant the sword of Islam deep in Koffar's Habibati with no mercy! No Mercy policy is my policy
! All Cell Phone Drivers must be Luricant!
Folks, those were my thoughts on the issue.
Ahreeman Bless
Amen!
Sincerely,
Gorg-Ali, the exiled wolf!
(Gorg-Ali dar Qorbat!)
