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Conspiracy Theory, Persian Style!
Iranian Conspiracy Theories


Conspiracy Theory, Persian Style!
Ahreeman X
June 4, 2009

Conspiracy Theory is a prison created by the
mind of the conspiracy theorist and this prison
becomes the entrapment of his soul. Only the
free bird of Rational Thinking can free this
prisoner from his prison!

Conspiracy Theories are not recreations but for Iranians, they are a severe disease! In fact the whole region of Middle East is infected with this disease but for now we will concentrate only on Iran!

Let us do a diagnosis, shall we? What are the Causes for the Creation of Conspiracy Theories?

Causes for Creation of Conspiracy Theories

I. Weakness
II. Lack of Strong Will and Determination to Create a Change
III. Superstition
IV. The Savior Seeking Syndrome!

Now let us dig deep, dissect the problem and seek a solution:

I. Weakness
When one is too weak and powerless to change the Status Quo, then he escapes to conspiracy theories which in turn can explain that there are superior forces beyond his power in existence to determine his destiny; therefore, no matter how hard he tries, his destiny and fate will always be determined by these superior forces. So why even try to change his fate?!

Majority of monarchists all the way from Mohamad Reza Pahlavi (Answer to the History book) down to Reza Pahlavi II, Dariush Homayoun, Foroud Fouladvand and even some of our own IPC Authors have had lost the monopoly of power as the ruling class of Iran. Presently, they are politically irrelevant or too weak to regain their old status; therefore, they create all types of factors, reasons and excuses for their own shortcomings.

Every single factor in the world from the British Foreign Policy (Ingilisa as Dai Jan Napoleon used to say), MI6, CIA, KGB, International Zionism, Oil Cartels, Pentagon, EU, UN, Freemasons, Jewish International Media, USSR, New World Order, Illuminati, Ayatollahs and Average Ignorant Iranians all the way to my father’s lack of erection without Viagra in his old ages, were responsible for the downfall of the Shah (1979) and the Imperial Regime, except the Shah and the Monarchists’ own shortcomings, lack of vision, narrow-mindedness and brutal dictatorship! Everyone and Everything was responsible for the Islamic Revolution of 1979 except Shah, his generals and his cronies (Monarchists)! How could they be responsible? After all they were and they are Saints!

* Mohamad Reza Pahlavi, the Shah had escaped Iran like a coward in two separate occasions (1953 and 1979) and he refused to stand his ground and fight like a man to save Iran. The Ship Captain was the first who abandoned the Ship! A typical paper tiger!

* Imperial Generals AKA Chadori Generals combinely signed that famous paper (Goh Khordan Nameh) and surrendered Iran to Khomeini rather than standing by Dr. Shapour Bakhtiar (Prime Minister) and fight for Iran. Later on they wore Chadors and escaped the borders or else executed by the Mullahs for their treason and ass kissing (khosh khedmati)! They got what they deserved. They were basically a bunch of cowards.

* Imperial Statesmen were nowhere in sight on 1979 but today they are all Up-Position Leaders and Feeders and they sing Ey Iran, Ey Iran Nationalistic songs!

So Shah, his Generals and his cronies were all innocent victims and great Iranian Nationalists who happened to be victimized by UK, USA and International Zionism! You see, “Masters” decide the fate of Iran and Iranians. Every great Iranian Nationalist such as the late Shah, Reza Pahlavi II or Dai Jan Napoleon who stands on their way, will be demolished! How can these great Iranian Superheroes block the mighty evil forces of the “Masters”!

In other words, post 1979 Monarchists had dragged every factor from Sun to the Moon, responsible for the disaster of 1978, except the fact that over 99 % of the Iranian voters hated the Imperial Regime and had said No to Monarchy. In 1978, Sewer Rats had more popularity rating than the Shah and his Regime! But of course Monarchists do have a different and Fantastic Version of Events cooked up in their ovens at the LaLa Land!

These Career Exilists live in the Fantastic World of their own, located in the LaLa Land!

Here are the actual historical reasons for the birth of Islamic Republic of Iran:

Reasons for the Birth of IRI

Here is a bit about this Fantastic World named LaLa Land:

Iranian Opposition in LaLa Land

Here is the logic behind the fact that Monarchy is Dead:

Why Monarchy has Ended and We Must Start a New?

Here are various facts about the Logic (Republic) versus the Dogma (Monarchy):

How Republicans and Monarchists view the world?

Here is the most viewed Iranian Forum Topic on the Internet. In this topic, I have scientifically and logically proven that Monarchy is a Dead, Outdated and a flawed political ideology:

Monarchy or Republic?

Here is the logic behind the fact that Reza Pahlavi II is obsolete, also the history of the Chadori Generals:

Why Reza Pahlavi Cannot Lead the Iranian Opposition?

Here are the historical records of the Chadori Imperial Generals’ Treason against Iran and how they sold Iran to Khomeini:

Immortal Guards, Then and Now

Let us take a quick look at the history of Reza Pahlavi’s political career!

Well primarily, except a few huffs and puffs in the early 1980s, Reza Pahlavi has been dead for over 20 years; however, have you noticed that lately about every couple of years, Reza Pahlavi releases some rhetorics such as this:

“Soon Iran will be free and we will return to Iran!”

First he used to do his yearly 3 minutes appearances on American TV Networks just to say that he is still alive!

Then he started doing his bi-yearly 15 minutes Radio Shows on Iranian Radios just to say that he is still an Iranian!

Finally he ended up broadcasting himself from his cheesy website once every 3 years releasing rhetorics about “soon Iran will be free and we will go home”!

… and if Reza Pahlavi doesn’t quote himself, then some over-zealous Jujeh Monarchist or some retarded old fart Chadori Imperial General or Colonel or maybe a Captain turned Journalist will surely quote him on Nowruz occasions that:

“Oh yeh, hear yee, hear yee …. Alahaz-Rat Reza Shash the 2nd, Shaf and Shaf of Miran, Cyrus Pahlavi has sent a Nowruz message to the Iranians that soon Iran will be free and we will return to our homeland ASAP!”

Sounds familiar? Because every year for over 30 years, you have been seeing these types of Bull Shiite on the cover of cheesy Iranian Rag Papers, Ragazines and Tabloids!

Until yesterday, this bozo was a Muslim boy named Seyed Reza, descendant of the Prophet Mohammed to ride the Iranian Muslim Cattle but all of a sudden, when Anti Islam climate took over the Persian Exiled Psyche, then he had become Cyrus! The amazing opportunist chameleon, Reza Pahlavi!

What cracks me up?

Is primarily the way that after over 30 years, this Bozo is still considers himself the inheritor of the Peacock Throne! This Career Exilist Bum which has been playing with his Shambool (Hasteh Khorma) in exile for 30 years, is actually so out of touch with the reality that he really believes that he is the Shah of Iran in exile!

Secondarily, those losers (Monarchists) who have been following this lazy bum’s lead for over 30 years and consider him the king are surely giving a new meaning to the term “Kos Kholz” and are definitely making me roll on the floor laughing and pissing myself!

Reza Pahlavi is like Don Quixote and Dariush Homayoun and other kiss asses around him are like Sancho Panza! I sincerely have to give credit to these LaLa Landers for actually creating a fantasy world of their own in exile for over 30 years! This is beyond pathology and delusions! These people have actually lost whatsoever connection with the reality!

Every few years, one of them becomes a Shah, another one becomes Wazir and the next one becomes Commander in Chief of the Imperial Armed Forces and then combinely they free Iran but the funny thing is that after each imaginary coup or revolution, they suddenly wake up assuming that they are in Tehran, but they open their eyes, waking up in a cold sweat with one hand holding their schlongs, assuming they are holding on to Derafsh Kaviani and the other hand deep in their anuses digging for the Persian Crown! For God’s sake give me a break!

Iranian Political Showmen and American Fake Wrestling!

Every few months a new charlatan bozo creates a new cheesy Iranian satellite TV, Radio, Ragazine or Website and he preaches that he will free Iran and Iranians! The funny thing is that some gullible Iranians are still falling for these types of crap! After a while, the show will be over and the charlatan bozo and his TV or Media unit will disappear in the dust of history! This is the story of the Iranian Media Lords and Up-Position Leaders!

I am beginning to think that maybe Iranians are perfectly aware that these shows are fakes and these showmen are frauds but they still watch them for passing time! Sort of like American Fake Wrestling which the viewers are perfectly aware that it is fake but they still watch it for entertainment!

Some of these Bozos become imaginary martyrs and Kaveh Ahangar while sipping on Pina Coladas in Turkey! Perfect example is that psycho Foroud Fouladvand AKA Fathollah Manouchehri AKA Fathollah Kos Mashang!

Lord, please save us and deliver us from these Mental Baskets and the youth Kos Kholz who follow them! Would someone please create a video game about Shah O Wazir, so these psychos get occupied with it and exclude themselves from the politics of Iran?! Any takers? Anyone please? Anyone?

II. Lack of Strong Will and Determination to Create a Change
When one does not see the power in himself to create or affect a substantial change, then he hangs on tales of grandeur! The roots of his misery lies within his lack of will power and determination to create a change, yet he introduces all types of visible and invisible factors responsible for his misery except his lack of determination to take charge and change his destiny.

Blondie has an uncle. This guy is not just a Persian Nut or an average Joe, but he is an Iranian International merchant businessman. He is a famous Iranian industrialist, factory owner, stock market investor, real estate mogul, and entrepreneur. He is a self-made billionaire. We call him “Amu Jan” (Dear Uncle).

Amu Jan sincerely believes that:

* US Government has brought IRI to power.
* US Government and IRI Government are friends in secret but in public they put on a show as rivals and enemies.
* UK was the master planner of 1978 Islamic Revolution.
* US controls the political climate of Iran.
* US fabricated 9/11 to start local wars in Middle East and create colonies.
* IRI is partner with US in her Middle Eastern adventures.
* IRI has a secret deal with US to share the Middle East as zones of influence.
* Iranian commercial plane shot down accidentally by the US military was actually a well planned secret deal between US and IRI, each to benefit from it politically!

Other distinguished Persian Industrialists and Business Moguls, friends of Amu Jan also believe the above points but in addition, they also believe that:

* In United States, the President has no power, yet all the decisions are made in various underground Dark Rooms via a group of shady people such as the Jews, Freemasons, Illuminati, Oil Cartels, CIA, Pentagon, and let’s not forget the Economic Empire of the Mafia! These rooms are very dark and no one can see the others, but they all conspire and combinely create the future US Domestic, Foreign, Military and Economic policies which indeed are the basis for “The New World Order”!

Sounds familiar? Does your Father, Uncle or Elder of the Family in Iran also think the same?

Here is an example for one of our conversations in a party while Amu Jan was visiting America:

X: Amu Jan your beliefs are farfetched!
A: But they are reality.
X: How come this reality is only believed in the Middle East?
A: Because in Middle East, we are aware of facts that you guys in the West are blinded to them.
X: Amu Jan I follow and analyze the news by study all angles and views from BBC (UK) to Pravda (Russia) to Xinhua (China) to FOX (US Fair and Balance) to CNN (US Left) to EIB Networks of Rush Limbaugh (US Right) and others. Only after reviewing all sides’ views, then I make up my mind about an event. I have access to all views and commentaries, after in debt analysis, then I release my own statement about the events. This is the logical way.
A: But this is what is available to you guys in the west. We in Middle East are aware of facts which you are not.
X: But you must provide a source and evidence for these beliefs?
A: Our sources are what you don’t have access to.
X: In other words these beliefs are nothing but Conspiracy Theories, right?
A: That’s what you believe they are.
X: No, that is the definition for what you guys believe.
A: You guys are blinded by lies told to you by the outside world.
X: And you guys live in LaLa Land which you guys have created in your minds based on Conspiracy Theories!

Obviously these conversations with Amu Jan and other similar conversations with various other distinguished Persians goes to nowhere because they have set their minds based on Conspiracy Theories and not Evidence and Logic.

My point is that these beliefs are common popular beliefs in the Middle East and not only by the average Joes yet also by the Economy and Industry leaders of Iran and the Middle East!

III. Superstition
When one believes in metaphysics and has extreme fanatical belief in religion, then he tends to dodge self responsibility and pass on the cause for all events and incidents occurring in his life to the will of God and the divine wisdom which has pre planed his destiny!

This Afghan Aerospace engineer living in US was a temporary contractor working for Blondie. When Blondie was inquiring about the final results of his work, something like this conversation would take place:

B: Your calculations sound shaky to me!
A: Lady, I have done my best but afterwards it’s up to God.
B: Our work is very sensitive work. People’s lives (Commercial planes) and fighter pilots’ lives (Military planes) are in stake!
A: I can only do my best but when the plane goes up, it’s all in God’s hand.
B: Your best is not good enough. I want you to be sure that your calculations are flawless. Peoples’ lives are in our hand.
A: Their lives are in God’s hand, whatever Allah desires is the destiny Ensha-Allah.
B: Look, this is not Kabul, so don’t hand me nonsense. If you screw up, the plane crashes and it has nothing to do with Allah’s will! I want you to redo all your work until you are 100 % sure about your work. When you finish a perfect job, then hand it to me to do the final check or else you are out of here and I promise you that it will be my will and not Allah’s will!
A: You Iranians have no beliefs …
B: You Afghans have too many beliefs!
A: But …
B: No buts or ifs … I work with numbers not with Quran! Don’t pass on your screw ups to Allah’s will! Get with the program. Shape up or ship out.
A: Yes Madam Engineer.
B: Get busy even if this will take you all day and all night long.
A: Yes Madam.

As you see, the Afghan guy is not some illiterate bozo in mountains of Tora Bora in Afghanistan but he is a well schooled engineer, yet is he truly educated?!

Many are schooled, yet only a few are truly educated!

This Afghan guy is the perfect example of a typical Middle Easterner putting Shiite on Shingle and doing a half ass job (Goh Mal Zan)! Have you worked with this type or had them work for you? I did!

It is great that Blondie’s job is to do the final checks, calculations and give the final OK before a plane goes in to production or else we would be in deep Shiite!

IV. The Savior Seeking Syndrome!
When one prefers to sit on his ass and waits for a savior to save him rather than actually getting off his ass and attempts an effort to better his life, then he becomes affected by the famous Iranian Savior Seeking Syndrome!

Back in Bush era, Blondie’s mother travelled to Iran. One day, she was passing by a Teahouse (Qahveh Khaneh) with sidewalk seats sort of like a sidewalk café. There were guys lazing around outside the Teahouse on chairs and inside the teahouse’s fountain garden area, leaning and laying around on Mokhateh (Large Persian Pillows) sitting on Persian Rugs spread on large wooden beds, drinking tea, smoking Qaliyan (Traditional Persian Tobacco Water Pipes) and playing Nard (Back Gammon) in the middle of the day on a weekday! Typical traditional Persian Lazy-ass men lazing around and passing time while probably their wives were working hard at the office or home!

One of these guys obviously took one look at her and figured that she is an Iranian American, just by the looks! So he started a conversation while changing the position of his ass from lying on his left butt cheek to the right butt cheek on the large mokhateh:

G: Excuse me lady, you are Iranian American visiting Iran, right?
M: How could you tell?
G: We know! It’s all over your face, clothes, posture and walk …
M: For God’s sake, you guys sit around and analyze people?
G: Couldn’t help noticing! Well are you?
M: Yes I am.
G: I have a request ….
M: Do tell? What is it?
G: Would you give a message on our behalf to someone in USA?
M: Sure, what is it?
G: Would you please tell President Bush to come and save us from the Mullahs?
M: Do you assume that every American knows Bush in person?
G: No, but you can do it!
M: Well I don’t know him personally but I can try. I know someone (meaning Ahreeman X) who can transfer your message through me to Bush, so I will try to pass it on …
G: Madam I am serious. Our eyes are glued to the horizon, waiting for American liberators’ arrival. Please tell Bush that we are waiting.
M: Sure, I will tell Bush that you guys are very busy in the Teahouse and waiting for him to provide you with freedom!
G: Thank you Madam. But seriously, the word in the street is that Americans are coming. Please, if you know something, just let us know? Is Bush coming?

….. and she walked away and obviously the guy did not get her sarcasm!

Later on in America, while she was telling me this story, she was very disappointed that people are waiting for a savior rather than commitment to a coup or a revolution on their own; however, at the back of her mind, she could not help it so she asked me:

M: So can you do anything?
X: Do what?
M: You are GOP, you are an activist, you are a journalist, if you can’t ask Bush to free Iran and send this guy’s message to Bush, then who can?
X: Madar Jan, hypothetically let’s say that tomorrow I will meet Bush in a banquet, fund raiser or a party gathering! What do you want me to tell Bush? Do you actually want me to tell Bush that my fellow Persian men are sitting their asses in the Teahouses drinking Darjeeling Tea with Sugar Cubes (Qand Pahlu), smoking Qaliyan and playing Nard, shaking their asses from side to side, leaning on mokhateh, lying on Persian rugs, and are requesting our Persian women to tell me to ask Bush to pretty please with cheery on the top to send troops to liberate Iran from the Mullahs?
M: Well yeah!
X: And what do you think Bush will tell me?
M: well, eh ….. ehh …
X: I tell you what will he tell me ….. he will tell me to tell you to tell them to get off their asses and do something after 30 years! Bush will say to tell them to make a God Dam move and we will back them up! Well it’s about time, he will say!

 So as you see, throughout the history, our people have always been looking for a Kaveh Ahangar, Babak Khoramdin, Yaqub Leis Saffarid, Nader Shah, Reza Shah or a prince charming on a white horse to come and save them!

Well, a while back Reza Pahlavi II stated a great statement! He said:

“The days of Nader Shahs and Reza Shahs are over.”

What he meant was that:

“The days of Nader Shah the Great and Reza Shah the Great are over and now we have Reza Shash the Zepert ala De Nim Pahlavi!”

So there are no more saviors on white horses coming to save Iran because we only have fat lazy ass pacifist Gay Boys such as Reza Pahlavi II in his kitchen in Maryland munching on Chelo Kabob and too busy to lift a finger for the freedom of Iran!

So much for the savior! Yet our people are still looking at each other, seeking a savior rather than making a move! Everyone looks at the other one to make the first move, so this first move will never take place!

End Conclusion

The examples above including but not limited to the Persian Leading Monarchists, Industrialists, Businessmen, Engineers and even the guy in the Teahouse are not illiterate bums or average Joes, yet they are the well schooled prominent members of the community!

So if the prominent members of the community are the owners of these mentalities and believe in rubbish, then what can you expect from the average Joe or the everyday people of the street?

There is a Persian expression which says:

Pish Namaz ke beguzeh, Pas Namaz mirineh!
(If the prayer leader farts, then the prayer followers will Shiite all over the mosque!)

So go figure …

Here, let me add another one to it:

Mohandes ke beshasheh be khodesh, Amaleh vo Bana goh mizaneh be koll-e keshvar!
(If the civil engineer pisses himself, then the construction workers and the Foreman will Shiite all over the country!)

* This is the story of our people, our country and the complete Middle East!

* This is why IPC exists to educate the future generation so they will not follow the example of the older generation, simply because the older generation had already walked the dark alley and fallen in the well of ignorance, fanaticism and destruction!

* This is why we are here to brighten the future path with the torch of knowledge, so the future generation will be prosperous and successful in building the Iran of tomorrow.

Ponder on this one:
“On the stage of life,
There are 3 types of people in the world:
Ones who make things happen.
Ones who watch things happen!
Ones who wonder what has happened?!
Which one are you?
Let’s get together and make something happen,
Something Big!
Together, nothing can stop us.
Together, anything is possible.
Together, things will happen.
Together, Change will happen!
You and I, together we can change the destiny!"

Please review:

The Iranian Disease

Role of the 21sth Century Monarchs and Monarchists

Why Iran is a Mess? Iranian Opposition, the Problem and the Solution

By reading this article and only by being here, you prove that you have taken the first step to the enlightenment, opening your mind and the will to educate yourselves to the truth, so you can switch from being a part of the problem to becoming a part of the solution. I wish you the best in your journey. More power to you …

Always remember:

Many are schooled, yet only a few are truly educated!


Dr. X

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