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Who Wants What for Nowruz?
Chapter 3: Persian New Year Humor


Who Wants What for Nowruz? # 3
Nowruz Persian New Year 2581 PIY with Ahreeman X
Nowruz Special

Ahreeman X
March 20, 2022 = 2581 PIY (Persian Imperial Year)

Nowruz Persian New Year Nationalist Haft Sin Table of Iran Politics Club

Nationalist Haft Sin Table of Nowruz Persian New Year 2020

Nationalist Haft Sin Table of Nowruz Persian New Year 2014

Happy Persian New Year to All
Nowruz Bar Hame Khojaste Bad

First day of Spring means Nowruz, a new day, and we surely can use a bright new day!

I remember when I was a kid back in the Imperial Iran, I used to look forward to those 2 weeks of Nowruz holidays with no schools and lots of fun. The festivities would begin with the Chahar Shanbeh Suri the Persian Fire Festival, then Nowruz Persian New Year and ended with Sizdah Be Dar outdoor picnic. Tons of Persian food, sweets, presents, cash money, parties, friends and family. So many lovely memories from those school days, the memories which can never be forgotten or replaced!

For you travelers, the best time to visit Iran is during the Nowruz holidays because the whole country is in festivities. For me, its never, until we get rid of the IRI or else my trip would be a one way trip to prison!

We shall celebrate the Persian Cultural month of March and as for your 2581 PIY present, we have cooked a brand new “Who Wants What for Nowruz?” episode for you!

Persian Cultural Month of March is Alive!
An IPC Tradition on Month of March

Why Persian Imperial Year (PIY) Iranian Calendar?

Nowruz Persian New Year Nationalist Haft Sin Table of Iran Politics Club Closeup

Folks, hopefully this will be the 3rd and the final year of the Chinese Virus Pandemic; however, Chinese have a long history of sending the world all types of goodies throughout the years, goodies such as SARS (2002), H1N1 (2009), COVID-19 (2019) and the new one is coming out of production in 2022! Them Chinese are very talented producing natural and some manmade viruses and gift them to the globe! Let us hope, the Chinese will give us a break in 2022, and seize the virus productions to steal anymore US elections!

Haji Virus
“This Nowruz instead of ‘Haji Firuz’, the ‘Haji Virus’ came to Iran!” (Media)
“Coronavirus is doing a slaughter in Iran!” (Media)
Haj Firuz: Hey, who are you?
Xi Jinping: Hey bozo, move along, there’s a new Haji in town!

Nowruz Persian New Year Graphics
Coronavirus, Liberals and Nowruz

Nowruz Humor is good for you. Laughter ads to your lifespan. Laugh, so the world will laugh at you. What else can you do in this pandemic to survive? Your best bet is to laugh at the situation! Cartoons are a great form of transformation of humor and laughter.

Tranny Liberal & Haji Firuz
“Liberals boycott Haji Firuz for his politically incorrect Black Face!” (Media)
“Nowruz is dull without Haji Firuz!” (Media)
Liberal: Why Persian Elf has a black face?
Haji Firuz: Hey PC Tranny Liberal, kiss my Black Persian Ass!

Nowruz Persian New Year Haft Sin Cartoons

In the past, we published a couple of Nowruz Specials: Who Wants What for Nowruz? These specials had become extremely popular amongst the Persian Humor Fans. Afterall, laughter is the best medicine for a long life!

Who Wants What for Nowruz? # 2
March 17, 2018 = 2576 PIY

Who wants what for Nowruz? # 1
March 20, 2007 = Nowruz 2566 PIY

Nowruz Persian New Year Nationalist Haft Sin Table of Iran Politics Club Full View

Due to the popular demand, we will now publish the 3rd part of the series to make y’all happy. You asked for it and now you will get it. Sit back, relax, get your drinks and popcorn or snacks ready for the New Year Humor. The show is about to begin to make you healthy, wealthy and giddy! Are you ready? Let’s Rock & Roll! Let the Show begin:

Famous Ahreemanic One Liners,
Which you gotta be quick to get it!

Who wants what for Nowruz?

Imam Khamenei?
A new thick necked IRGC Pasdar Boy with silky smooth fist, so when he Taharat (Islamic Butt Wash) the Holy Imam’s butt (because Imam’s butt wash hand is crippled due to past bombing), his fist will not hurt Imam’s rectum, after all, Imam’s rectum is loosely wide (due to decades of Lavat Islamic Anal Sex) and a simple Taharat, ends up in some serious Rimming and Fisting by the fist, Islamic Style!

Imam Khomeini?
Virtual Reality Metaverse App of Imam Khamenei naked in his teens provided by Mark Sucker Turd (Zuckerberg); therefore, the spirit of Imam can restructure the good old times when he used to do some heavy-duty butt banging on the slim li’l pearly white boy named Seyed Ali Khamenei!

Hojatol Eslam Ebrahim Raisi?
A few thousand more Iranian opposition to hang!

Hossein Amir-Abdollahian?
A one-way ticket to Islamic Afterlife, so he can join his Ex-boss, General Soleimani as the IRGC Advisor in Hell!

General Qasem Soleimani?
A Book of Tozih-ol Masael, rational explaining why I have ended up with 72 shriveled up prune transsexual witches instead of the 72 virgins?!

Gholam Hossein Mohseni-Eje’i?
Remaster of the memorable old VHS tapes on digital DVD of his boyhood when he was jumping up and down on Hairy Bear Hezbollah Hendel’s Moameleh (schlong) while Hezbollah Hendel was shouting at him: Bejeh Eje’ Beche (jump up and down Eje’ Child) while Eje’ was screaming “Allah O Akbar”!

Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf?
A new ghali (Persian carpet) because of the lack of decent Persian Carpets in the Iranian market due to the astronomic inflation and high prices of resources to textile Persian carpets!

Massoumeh Ebtekar (Machinegun Mary)?
A new environmentally correct formula of Vajebi (hair remover) to cleanup the IRI officials’ privates as the first step to cleanup the Islamic Republic’s environment for the implementation of the Islamic Green New Deal!

Javad Zarif?
Private screening of the old classic documentary on how he screwed John Kerry during the first Nuke Deal, because it is about to happen again!

Hassan Rouhani?
A new best-seller: “How I got cheated out of screwing America for the 2nd Time!” AKA “Nuke Deal 2.0” because Raisi stole my presidency!

Mohammad Khatami?
A new website because the regime closed down all Reformist and Moderate Hezbollah sites!

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
Instruction Manual titled: “How to be relevant again for Ex-Presidents and Present Opposition!”

Faezeh Hashemi Rafsanjani?
Instructional Manual: “How to Avoid Jail?”

Mehdi Hashemi Rafsanjani?
A new book: “How I Regret colluding with Reza Pahlavi II”

Mohsen Hashemi Rafsanjani?
A new book: “Unlike the Rest of the Family, I Am Not A Crook!”

Ayatollah Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani?
A new documentary: “It was great while it last, but unfortunately, I’m Dead Now!”

A Plan on how to get the Rafsanjani Line back in to the power?

Mohsen Sazegara?
A new Sazesh Collusion to fully transform himself from the Co-Founder of the IRGC Islamic Revolutionary Guards to now opposition in ITC (Iran Transition Council) because the last collusion with Reza Pahlavi in NCI (National Council of Iran) went head up!

Maryam Rajavi?
A new silk Lachak scarf in bright gay rainbow colors to prove that Mojahedin are now a part of the Woke Movement!

Massoud Rajavi?
New hair oil from Kashan to style his Stalinist Marxist Islamist mustache!

Reza Pahlavi II?
Stability of Personality and Political Identity to avoid jumping branches from Monarchist to Republican to RINO to Liberal Democrat to Socialist to God knows what?!

Noor Pahlavi?
A Fal-e Qahveh (Coffee Fortune) answering her question: I am a failed model and a failed writer, should I try politics?

Farahnaz Pahlavi?
A New Motto: “Drugs and Promiscuous Lifestyle goes nowhere!” (learn from Auntie Ashraf experience)!

Farah Pahlavi?
An Advice: Reza Pahlavi will never become Shah or a Future Leader, Give it Up!

London Monarchists?
Creation of a new Monarchist party even though Reza Pahlavi FAQed up the Monarchy!

Los Angeles Monarchists?
A new Pahlavi to kiss her ass because Reza Pahlavi FAQed up the Monarchy!

Nazanin Ansari?
Extra Extra News: Monarchy is Dead and so is Reza Pahlavi, find a new line of Kos O She’r (Pussy Poetry) to write in Kayhan London!

Camelia Entekhabifard?
Weather Cast Update: How are things today under the balls of Muhammad Bin Salman, so I can write my next piece in the Independent Persian (on Arab Payroll)?!

Iranian Americans for Liberty (Monarchist Lobby Group)?
An Advice: Do not copy the right-wing version of the NIAC’s path because it goes to the DC Swamps! Democrat or RINO, same Shiite!

Trita Parsi?
Detaching Compound to detach his tong from rimming George Soros’ Corn Hole, Butt Holio!

Jamal Abdi?
A new desk sign: I’m not Trita Parsi’s Butt Boy, I’m Really the New NIAC President!

Reza Marashi?
A new motto: I maybe a Bache Akhund (Mullah’s Son) but presently I enjoy what America has to offer under the Woke Democrats!

Negar Mortazavi?
New Code to Live By: Ex-Muslim Whore in Tehran, Present Liberal Whore in Washington DC!

Bita Daryabari?
New Desk Sign: “Queen of Iran Lobby” with under writing in thin font: ”IRI has been very good to me”!

Anousheh Ansari?
A New Claim: I maybe financing Iran Lobby but I am a prominent Ass-Throw-Nut!

Omid Kordestani?
A dark curtain to hide behind from his dark past in Google, Twitter, etc.

Silicon Valley Persian Mafia?
A New Line of Collusion to synchronize Tech Giants’ efforts so they can steal the upcoming US elections!

Morad Ghorban?
Karchak Oil from Qom to rub on his baldhead to make it smooth for insertion deep into Nancy Old Pussy’s (Pelosi) nightmarish wrinkled vagina because in the past he used to kiss her ass but now he just dives head in to the unknown!

Leila Golestaneh Austin?
A New Wall Poster: I’m not just an Old Show Whore in PAAIA, I’m Really the President; the president, Morad Ghorban told me so!

Masoud Loghmani?
A New Desk Sign: NIAC Lowlife who censors you in YouTube!

Reza Aslan?
A New Confession: I’m not only a Wanna Be Author, but when I’m not fagging around CNN, Twitter and Iranian Media, I also suck a lot of Baba Ghanoush at NIAC, specifically Trita Parsi’s!

Christiane Amanpour?
A New Round Trip to Tehran so she can cover the Democrats and Mullahs Nuke Deal 2.0 while collecting a lot of Persian jewelry, handmade gits, rack of Persian carpets, caviar and gourmet Persian Munchies, courtesy of President Raisi!

Maz Jobrani?
A New Announcement Written in Large Font: Honestly, I’m Not a Member of NIAC! Keep on watching my cheesy movies and standups!

Shohreh Aghdashloo?
Guidebook: How to avoid remaining a sellout to Iran Lobby!

Nazanin Boniadi?
A Twitter Post: I’m not only an Iran Lobby Supporter, but I’m also an Iranian American Liberal Democrat Hollywood Whore!

Shirin Neshat?
A new facelift!

Babak Namazi and Baquer Namazi?
A New Prayer for the CIA to get their favorite double agents out of the IRI jail as the result of the Biden and Mullahs Nuke Deal 2.0!

Pari Namazi?
A new motto: Live Long and Prosper as both Iran Lobby Agent and CIA Agent for Years to Come!

Massih Tayebi?
A Note: Make sure my future photo ops with Farah Pahlavi will not leak in IPC!

Masoud Tayebi?
A How To Guide: Cleaning the Tayebi Brothers’ Ruined Reputation as Iran Lobby Financiers Leaked by IPC!

Ray Takeyh?
A Confession: I’m not an Orangutang, I’m really an Iran Lobby Agent and Author!

Suzanne Maloney?
A Gleam of Truth: I’m Not an Old Fat Rotten Shriveled Up Tomato but I’m Really a Wanna Be Scholar Expert on Iran!

Soroush Richard Shehabi?
A Confession: I’m a busy Washington DC publisher and journalist but when I’m not journaling, I’m slumming at the Iran Lobby Shack O Love to maintain my status with the Mullahs!

Salar Kamangar?
A News Headline: I’m not only an Iran Lobby Financier but I also give great BJs to the Dog Face Hindu (Sundar Pichai) at Google!

Ali Rowghani?
Unveiled Headline: I’m not just another Silicon Valley Iranian Millionaire financing the Iran Lobby, but I’m the reincarnation of the Imam Mahdi (12th Shiite Imam) which will reappear soon! Just look at my Holy Shiite face!

Kaveh Afrasiabi?
Revelation: I’m not in jail for being an Iran Lobby Agent, I’m really in jail because we had a pedophile homo orgy in Mexico with Trita Parsi, and that cheap bastard refused to pay up the little Mexican boys! So, the Mexican police extradited us to the US Police!

Ervand Abrahamian?
News Flash: I’m not only an Iran Lobby author in USA but when I’m not writing, I impersonate a rare brand of Persian Mule in the zoo!

Assal Rad?
News Flash: I’m not a member of the Adams Family, the Frankenstein Girl, but I really play the role of an Iran Lobby Agent on the social media!

Farnaz Fassihi?
A New Confession: Even though I was arrested as an old stray bulldog and taken to the shelter, I am really a domesticated dog at the New York Times Dog Pound!

PCC (Persian Cultural Center of San Diego)?
New Money Laundry Methods as the Bank for the Iran Lobby

George Soros?
A new young clone body because the present body is rotting due to age decay!

Mitch McConnel?
A safe place at the zoo swamp as an amphibian turtle!

Lindsey Graham?
An Award: Con Artist of the Decade Award for lifetime of being a Swamp RINO cutting it any which way he can!

Chuck Schumer?
A New Makeover as the DC Liberal Plantation Jew Master Swamp Creature!

Hussein Obama?
Coming Out of the Closet Plaque: I’m the first Gay Muslim Black President of USA!

Michelle Obama?
Coming Out of the Closet Plaque: I’m the First Tranny Lady of USA!

Bill Clinton?
A New Confession: I did not inhale, insert my cigar in that girl’s mouth and suicide that guy in jail!

Hillary Clinton?
A New Expose: I did not murder people (White Water, Staffer, Foundation, Pedophile Ring, etc.)!

Joe Biden?
A New Excuse for FAQing Up USA: It is Trump’s Fault, COVID’s Fault, Putin’s Fault, …

US Media?
A New Fact Check Confirmation: Yes sir, it is Trump’s Fault, COVID’s Fault, Putin’s Fault, …

Kamala Harris?
A blonde wig so she can complete her transformation from a Wanna Be Black, Hindu Woman to an Airheaded Blonde Bimbo with Hysterical Laugh!

Jen Psaki?
A new Jumbo 707 Turbo Dildo to shove in her mouth, every time she lies as the Biden’s illegitimate regime’s propaganda minister AKA Female Dr. Joseph Goebbels!

Pete Buttigieg?
A name change to “Pete Butt Itch Itch” for turning the White House to a Gay Bathhouse!

Todd Gloria?
The Li’l Gay Elf on the Shelf Award for turning San Diego City Hall to a Gay Bathhouse!

Gavin Newsom?
Digital Picture Frame to flashback all the good old memories of him sitting and jumping up and down on Uncle Jerry Brown’s hairy lap!

John Kerry?
Round Trip Ticket to Tehran to sign the 2nd Democrats and Mullahs Iran Nuke Deal!

Another $ 100 Billion to gift to the Mullahs!

A Super King Size Bed to better screw Democrats in it!

Glossy Chapstick to better kiss Democrats’ Ass!

New Motto to better con the Republicans out of Conservatism!

Tech Giants?
Globalism Sold as Humanism to the world population!

Climate Change Bull Shiite sold as Reality to the public!

Greta Thunberg?
A Big Schlong to bang on her head to get her out of her global warming fantasy plus a padded cell in the local asylum!

Sundar Pichai?
A new facelift as a chimp rather than a Dog Face Hindu!

Mark Zuckerberg?
A new jacket name tag: “Liberal Plantation Jew Master” and a new desk sign: “Stolen Election Liberal Jew Boss”!

Google Liberal Jew Owners?
A King Size Bed to jump in with China!

Tech Giant Oligarchs?
New Smooth Flavor KY Jelly to use when bend over to the CCP China!

A new name tag: We are China’s Bitches!

Smoother Throat to BJ Xi Jinping!

Corporate America?
A new line of Woke commercials to sell their crap to the blacks, to satisfy Democrats, to give ransom to BLM, to buy Chinese junk from China and to enslave America with Globalism!

A new gimmick to get people to watch their crap woke movies!

DC Comics?
News Flash: Superman is not bisexual, Superman is not globalist, Robin is not gay, Batgirl is not black, Batgirl is not Muslim, Batwoman is not lesbian, Hawkman is not black, Green Lantern is not black, Lex Luthor is not black, stop changing historical characters we grew up with by being woke!

Marvel Comics?
Captain America is not globalist, Captain America is not a teen girl, Thor is not politically correct, Punisher is not a woman, stop changing the gender and race of the historical characters we grew up with by being woke!

Democrat Professors?
A new Bull Shiite Term because the old ones such as Affirmative Action, Equity, Critical Race Theory, and Cancel Culture are getting way too old!

Stray Fags?
A new militant gay rainbow flag to march by …

Domesticated Fags?
A new woke lingo term to add to the LGBTQIA Alphabet Soup …

Hollywood Iranian Americans?
A new Woke Hee-Row to sell to the public …

Iranian American Billionaires?
More billions to finance Iran Lobby and make business deals with the Mullahs
Iranian Up-Position of DC and Vicinity?
An ounce of decency aside opportunism!

Iranian American Mainstream Media?
Real News

Iranian TVs Talk Show Hosts?
A new line of Khali Bandi (Empty Patching Lies).

Iranian Entertainment TVs?
Exciting Show productions!

Iranian Radio Shows?
Substantial programing

Iranian Hard Copy Media?
A Plug to pull the plug on Kos O She’r (pussy poetry)!

Iranian Pop Music Rising Stars?
Instructions on how to zip the mouth and open their ears to real talent!

Iranian Ambulance Chaser Lawyers?
A rare element called Morality!

Iranian Ambulance Chaser Doctors?
Remembering your medical oath of honor?

Iranian Car Salesmen?

Iranian Insurance Salesmen?

Iranian Real Estate Salesmen?

Iranian Empty Restaurants and Markets?
Manual: How to better perform as a front business for IRI Espionage and Drug Operations?

Iranian Charlatans?
New methods in the fine Persian arts of Qavasi (Scuba Diving), Chatr Bazi (Parachuting) and other Free Loading lines!

Persian Chicks with Dicks?
One way ticket to Qazvin, one way because Qazvinis will fill up and stretch all their cavities and even open up a couple of new cavities in them, so they need to rest at Persian hospitals for a long while! Akbar, Bakhiyeh Biyar, bring up the stitches?!

Mohammad Khordadian?
Yeh Chiz-e Koloft (A thick One)!

Alireza Meybodi?
Kos O She’r Free Programing!

Masih Alinejad?
Strong Relaxer to straighten that rag called hair!

Roxana Saberi?
Ounce of Truth!

VOA News?
CIA Free News!

Nancy Old Pussy (Pelosi)?
A Newly patched Pussy!
Donald John Trump?
More Supreme Court Justices with Courage and Principles to hear challenges to the Fake Election Results!

Sarah Palin?
Less Media Drive By Shootings!

Stephen Kevin Bannon?
Light of Jesus at Last!

Persian Jews?
Ticket out of Democrat party!

Persian Armenians?
Iranian Identity!

Persian Muslims?
Leaving Islam!

Persian Bahais?
Brains to not be robots!

Persian Zoroastrians?
Light of Zarathustra!

Pegroes (Liberal Plantation Persian Negroes)?
Ticket out of the Liberal Plantation

Iranian Leftists?
Ounce of Nationalism

News Flash: 1980s is dead, Marxist Islamism is dead!

Iranian Communists?
News Flash: Communism died in 1990s, what’s left today is Totalitarian Capitalist System of Chinese Style!

Iranian Monarchists?
How to Get a Life, Guide Book?

Good Muslims?
The 73rd Virgin they been looking for!

Iranian Opposition?
A Backbone

Iranian People?

Iranian IPC Ops.?

Pure Persian Pride

Ahreeman X?
Your health, wealth and happiness

And we better cut it off right here or else we will be going all night long till tomorrow!

Nowruzetan Piruz
Har Ruzetan Nowruz

Happy Persian New Year 2581 PIY
In hope of better year for all

Dr. X


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Nowruz Persian New Year 2581 PIY with Ahreeman X

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