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Only in Iran - Part 16
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Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 16


Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 16

Ahreeman X
December 27, 2018

A Very Merry Persian Christmas & Happy New Year!

Little Red Persian Hood
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2019 Everyone!

Ahreeman X: Merry Christmas Kiddies
Don’t ever say that I never given you any Christmas presents!
First, here’s your golden presents:

Persian Christmas Golden Presents

Ahreeman X: And now your main dish!
Here’s your Only in Iran - Part 16 Christmas Special Present!
On behalf of “Little Red Persian Hood” and myself, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2019 to All

Merry Christmas to everyone around the world from Persian Fashion Girls of Tehran, Iran

Now for Christmas Dinner, Haji prepared delicious Persian Kubideh Kabob for yous, so dig in babies!

Of course, for desert, Sisi the Boomboom Baker had baked you a special “Persian Style Cake” to sink your teeth in them Golden Bazookas, but eat slowly and chew each bite, 12 times, so you don’t choke on them jugs!

To digest your food, our dearly beloved Persian Tranny, the lovely Persian Transsexual has something special for you, no no, not that, your minds are in the gutter, she has some aromatic special Persian Cardamom Tea for the whole family and all of yous! Noosh-e Jan, enjoy!

This time of year, it is damn freezing in the Persian Mountain Ranges of Alborz (North) and Zagros (West). Tehran has killer Winters with snow up to your knees! So, to keep you warm and occupied, we have yet another present for you. Naturally the girls had built the “Final Results Persian Snowman” at home before they got here, but now for your special Christmas Present, the lovely Persian Girls in Lavasan are building a wonderful Persian Snowman for you!

And here’s the girls’ “Final Results Persian Snowman” for You!
Merry Christmas, enjoy but make sure it doesn’t poke you in the eye!
Joy to the world, Fala La La ……

Van buried in snow at Tehran, Iran
Ahreeman: I told you Winters of Tehran are Killers! Now how the Hell will we get out?

Merry Christmas from the Iranian Women National Ski Team.
Ahreeman Joon: Hey girls, your clothes are too tight, make sure you don’t show much body parts, because men might get aroused and that is Islamically Haraam!

The snow level is too high that the mosque is even covered!

Eh, Haj Darvish veteran Skier is here too! Haj Darvish at the Shemshak Ski Resorts, Iran.
Now that is some Mashti Sibil, have you ever seen such glorious classic mustache?!

Sexy Persian Girl Snowboarders on Teleski at the Ski Piste, Iran
Anastasia (right): I can’t wait to snowboard …
Mandana (left): Akh joon, I can’t wait to pick up boys …
Anastasia: Be careful the Moral Police may raid …
Mandana: I FAQ the Moral Police too, I heard they’re passionate girls under the chadors!
Anastasia: Gulp!

Christmas greetings from Persian Snow Bunnies at the Dizin Ski Resorts, Iran.
Hurry up separate the men and women, the Islamic Moral Police is on the way!

Iranian Police Women in hot pursuit! Don’t worry, it’s just an auto exercise maneuver drill. They’re just showing off. They don’t usually do this. They just go up and down the streets, checking out women’s dress codes and make sure that they’re Islamically Correct!

Oh Lord, another Sisters of Zeynab Drill! Iranian Police Women AKA Sisters of Zeynab AKA Moral Police AKA Islamic Dress Code Police AKA Crows are having another exercise!
Soqra (right front): Hey watch it trigger happy bimbo, you’re too close with that pistol …
Kobra (left front): Don’t be a pussy, it’s not live ammunition …

Sisters of Zeynab Heavy Machinegun Training
Sakineh the Iranian Police Woman Machine Gunner: Umm Hmm, let’s see …
Ahreeman Joon: Baji (sister), I know you’re trying to cover yourself with one hand, not showing any neck or skin, because its Islamically Haraam, but you can’t shoot this gun with one hand, it’s a two-hand heavy gun!
Sakineh: Umm OK, I guess I let go and show a little neck, are you sure its Halaal?
Ahreeman Joon: Yes, Allah will forgive you!

Sisters of Zeynab Police Cadet Graduates and Future Police Women are assembling machineguns blindfold!
Ahreeman: Showoffs, I can do that with one hand tied behind my back!
Robabeh (left): Shut up you infidel Small Satan living in the land of Great Satan …
Saliteh (right): Infidel, this is a two-hand assembly, what do you use for the second hand?
Ahreeman: Haji Kuchike (Ahreemanic Schlong)!
Robabeh (left): Silence, too bad you’re not in Iran or I would’ve arrested you …

Iranian Police Bikers 4 Men Motorcycle Unit Maneuver – 2 Tarkeh
2 bikers + 2 Skaters

Iranian Police Bikers 5 Men Motorcycle Unit Acrobatic Maneuver – 5 Tarkeh
That’s why these Anti-Riot Units kick protestors’ butts!
IRI has heavy duty Anti-Riot Units to shut down the opposition riots.

And that’s what the cops were chasing!
Sexy Persian Girls - 4 Girls ATV Riders lost the cops going off road!
If they would’ve been caught, the least punishment would’ve been flogging, financial penalty and jail time for bad hejab dress codes plus traffic violations!

Persian Bikers 2 Men Stunt – 2 Tarkeh, Iran
Cops love to catch these guys!

Persian Bikers 5 Men Stunt – 5 Tarkeh, Iran
These guys are cops’ favorite food!

Persian Bikers 8 Men Stunt – 8 Tarkeh, Iran
Forget about it, no ticket, straight to jail!
Q: Why do Persian kids do these crazy tricks?
A: Too much time on their hands with nothing else to do!

Persian Biker Girls Rock!

What the Hell is that?!
Stationary Bike, Persian Style!
Persian Girls inside Iran are also as crazy as Persian Guys!
How the Hell do you ride that without getting your neck broken?!

“Sisters of Zeynab are cracking down on Bad Hejab Islamically Incorrect Dress Codes.” (Media)
Sister of Zeynab (right): Bitch, this is an Islamic country, what kind of hejab is that? We gonna haul your asses to jail!
Shadi (left): Bi parva bash, relax, you’re too uptight Sister! Just give me a ticket and let go!

At the IRI Parade
Ahreeman: And now for something totally different, we will broadcast for you, live from the IRI Free Qods Parade where Islamic Republic of Iran will display its latest creative arsenal and weapons. This year’s latest state of the art planes are the unique “Stealth Fighters” with “Allahic Missiles” where the great IRI Pilots do not even have to take off, but they run fast and they pray to the Mighty Allah for these piles of fiberglass junks to fly! Allah works in mysterious ways, you never know!
Yaqn Ali (pilot to the right): Ahreeman you idiot, stop mocking IRI, these are only prototypes, so we don’t drag the actual fighters to the parade.
Ahreeman: Then where the hell are the actual fighters?
Yaqn Ali: Didn’t I tell you prototypes? What type of prototypes you don’t understand? They still don’t fly and the wheels were also flat, so we couldn’t roll them over here!
Ahreeman: In other words, you couldn’t drag the pieces of assembled junks here, so you used these pieces of assembled junks for the parade.
Yaqn Ali: Ahreeman, I hope you burn in the Islamic Hell for mocking the Mighty IRI Air Force.
Ahreeman: Are you sure Allah is not prototype and he can actually function to light the fires of Jahanam Islamic Hell to get ready for me? I like it warm and cozy!

At the IRI Parade, right before the parade
Son: Is that a real missile?
Mom: Yes, it is, Abdul.
Son: Then why did they leave it here unattended?
Mom: Because they don’t mind.
Son: Why? Isn’t this missile’s angle directed to hit the Israeli Jews and to Free the Qods?
Mom: No, this one is special?
Son: How?
Mom: Its angle is directed smacked right at Imam’s rectum to rip it apart.
Son: Don’t talk like that, Imam’s poster is watching …
Mom: Then I better watch my mouth, the poster may have bugs and cameras too!

Persian Duffs
“Iran is the primary destination in the world for inexpensive plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures and sex change operations.” (Media)
“Persian Duffs are taking over North Tehran!” (Media)
Definition of the Persian Duff
“Duff (Persian Duff) = (1) Sexy Fashionable Blonde Persian Girl, (2) A Fashionable Airhead Persian Girl, (3) A Persian Girl (usually inside Iran) often head to toe fake (due to cosmetic procedures), Western looking, shallow and superficial." Source:

Persian Slangs Dictionary of IPC Alternative Terms
Ahreeman X: Ladies and Gentlemen, your average Persian Duff (Fashionable Airhead) from head to toe fake:
Dyed Blonde Hair
Eyebrow Liner Tattoo
Eyeliner Tattoo
Colored Contact Lenses
Nose Job
Cheek Bones Job
Chin Job
Silicon Lips
Silicone Boobs
Allah knows what else!

Poopak (the girl at the bottom of the Duff pile, formerly named Zobeydeh): Khak tu saret Ahreeman, may you rot in Allahic Hell for exposing us Persian Duffs!
Ahreeman: Make sure Allah makes the Hell warm and cozy cause I like it Hot!

Persian Duffs in Action!
Look at them Golden Gigs in the Skies!

At the Iran Nuclear Deal Conference, John Kerry, Obama’s US Secretary of State shakes with Javad Zarif IRI’s Foreign Minister.
Javad Zarif: Shake on it My Friend …
John Kerry: I have a feeling that I got screwed!
Zarif: What’s a little Butt FAQ between friends, My Friend?
Kerry: Oh God, I was screwed!
Zarif: You gave me $ 150 Billion, $ 1.8 Billion in cash, Right to build Nukes, Ease on Sanctions, and a shriveled old American Butt to FAQ, My Friend …
Kerry: How could you screw us when we were so nice to you?
Zarif: Hussein Obama understands, he’s a good Muslim like me …
Kerry: Shame on you …
Zarif: You should’ve known, When a Middle Easterner refers to you as “My Friend”, that means you’re about to get FAQed!
Kerry: This will not look good in Washington!
 Zarif: Don’t worry “My Friend”, my Missile is still up your Cave and I love the ride!

Zarif: God Bless America and Obama for $ 150 Billion Deal and $ 1.8 Billion Cash!
Iran Nuclear Deal has been very very good to me!
America, thanks to Liberals, I FAQed you up the Shiiter!
Who the Man? I’m the Man, Who the Man? I’m the Man!
Thanks Brother Hussein Obama for protecting the benefits of Islamic Republic of Iran!

“An Important Dialogue between the IRI Officials had taken place at Jamaran! This Dialogue was crucial for the National Security of our Republic” (Media)
Khamenei to Rouhani: Listen my dear, why can’t you be more like Zarif, taking care of your Rahbar? He gives me Oral, Anal and even massages and polishes my balls?
Rouhani: But I can’t, I’m President of IRI and a Hojatol Eslam Cleric. In the eyes of Allah, it’s not Halaal, morely sinful!
Khamenei: I’m the voice of Allah on Earth and the Leader of Global Shiites. I’m telling you that it’s both Halaal and Recommended by Allah!
Zarif to Rouhani: Listen to Rahbar, he wants the best for you and the Umma’ of Shiites …

At Jamaran
First 3 Mullahs on the left to Khamenei: Ya Hazrat-e Imam, We are your subjects, at your service …
Rafsanjani in the middle: I’m dead, so I can’t be your subject or at your service …
Khamenei: Ajab, wow, I see …
Khomeini’s Picture on the wall to Khamenei: Sed Ali, watch this son of a bitch. Dead or Alive, he’s bad news for the Regime!

“Members of Parliament are wearing New Gears for the New Year at Majles!” (Media)
Asqari: Are these MPs?
Akbari: No, they are Prime Species of Mighty Persian Donkeys, they’re High Kickers!

“Members of Parliament are wearing New Gears for the New Year at Majles (Parliament)!” (Media)
“Jahels formed a New Fraction in Majles!” (Media)
Asqari: How about these guys, are they MPs?
Akbari: Yes Haji, they are …
Asqari: They look like Jahel Persian Thugs!
Akbari: So what? At least they’re traditional and semi honorable!
Asqari: They’re criminals!
Akbari: Hey, every Dahati, Qorbati, Amaleh, Bi Savad and Degenerate is MP, why not Jahels?
Asqari: Imagine Jahels in Majles, they look like a Gang!
Akbari: Haji, the complete IRI Regime is a Cartel Mafia and you worry about a small Gang of Jahels in Majles?!

“Vice President Dr. Massoumeh Ebtekar’s passion is Environment and Climate Change.” (Media)
“Vice President Dr. Massoumeh Ebtekar brings new Environmental Project proposal to the Majles.” (Media)
At Majles
Check out those two nosey MPs at the back, try to rubberneck and eavesdrop on the private conversation of the President and VP!
Rouhani: So, what’s your new proposal?
Ebtekar: I just got back from Paris Accord and they said that we have to lower our industrial pollution and carbon footprints …
Rouhani: And?
Ebtekar: You see, I shave all over, my armpits, privates, butt, nipples and everything else, but it has been ages since you shaved down there, so don’t you think it’s time for you to shave or clean up with Vajebi Hair Remover to save the Environment?!

More info:

Massoumeh Ebtekar Penguin Show

Vipers of IRI - Episode 1: An Islamic Passion!

Vipers of IRI - Episode 2: A Night at Jamaran!

More Animation and Graphics:

Iran Animation Graphics Index

At Rouhani’s Speech
Rouhani (center bottom): Great Iranian People must know that we must be patient. It takes time for me to solve the problems with the economy …
Khomeini Poster (right): Do you trust him?
Khamenei Poster (left): I don’t even trust my own mother, but I have him in my pocket. We been playing this good cop-bad cop; reformist-conservative game and display it to the world for now 40 years. Only the gullible fools in Iran and the western liberal idiots will still fall for it. Otherwise, no one believes in this Bull Shiite! Still, we got enough fools to fall for it, so it’s working fine!

“At IRI Press Conference, all female photographers were present.” (Media)
“Female Photographers have been taking amazing pictures of the events.” (Media)
Chadori (left): What’s that?
Blue Manto (second left): I think Imam has a shriveled prune stuck to the front of his robe!
Hejabi (third left): That’s not a prune, it’s his Old Schlong sticking out of his robe!
Hejabi (kneeling): Well you know, old age makes you forgetful.
Hejabi (second to right): It’s not that, he just let it all hang out! Everyone is taking pictures of Imam, but this Saliteh woman standing next to me is looking other way to the right! who the hell is this Saliteh woman taking picture of?
Charqati (right): I think Zarif’s not wearing underwear, there’s a bulge in his trousers!

Asqari: Are the Penguins protesting against the Trump Wall?
Akbari: No, they’re celebrating the End of Wall Street …
Asqari: But Wall Street didn’t collapse!
Akbari: Doesn’t matter, like everything else in IRI, it’s just for show, only a show protest!

Iran Air Stewardesses
Ahreeman Joon: Yes, Stewardess, not Flight Attendant! I hate American Liberal Political Correctness!
You know when flight lost it’s fun and I stopped enjoying my flights?
When Stewardesses with short mini-skirts got replaced with old baldheaded gay men named Flight Attendants!
Who the hell want to see old faggots serving you on the planes?! That just killed the pleasure of flight for me! It even made Haji Kuchike (Ahreemanic Schlong) limp for months!
In Iran, despite the mandatory Islamic Dress Code, Persians know how to make hejab sexy and fashionable! Look how beautiful and professional these girls look! Now talking about short mini-skirts, I wished that you could see the Iran Air Stewardesses’ getup before 1979 during the Imperial Iran! That getup could make a dead man cum! Pardon my French!

“Iran Air displays its new commercial passenger jet.” (Media)
Ahreeman X: I understand that he’s patriotic towards IRI but why the front windows of the plane are broken? Why is he sticking halfway out of the window? And why doesn’t he just display the flag on the plane than waving it and saying hi to the crowd? Is he overzealous or retarded? By the way, who the hell is he? It’s never a dull moment in IRI …

At Persepolis
Ahreeman Joon: You know guys, there is a reason that they barricaded the double headed column with ropes, so Gusaleh Baboons like you two would not climb the 2000-year-old archeological statue and damage it! You bozos are setting a great example as adults for the kid to respect the Persian History! The bitch is worse than you two because she is participant in the crime, taking pictures of you Kowdan Donkeys! Guspandan!

What the Hell is that?!
And then they say Persian kids don’t have ingenuity!
Is that Persian ingenuity or what?!
Ahreeman Joon: I mean, when we were kids, we created “Paper Foosball”, “Floor Foosball” and we even played with the rare “Arcade Electronic Pinball Foosball” (Table Soccer) at the Cinema Royal Club in Tehran, but “Cardboard Foosball” made of cardboard box, wood sticks and clothes hangers! Now that is called Persian Ingenuity! These kids are awesome!

Persian Girl Guzzling Down Whole Lamb Shank! That kid Devoured that Shank!
Now that’s a Poster Girl for Vegetarian and Vegan Cause! PETA watch and Suffer!
Ahreeman Jigar Kaboby: My Kind of Girl, indeed!
Napoki Kuchulu! Do Lopi Nakhor, Ye Lopi Bokhor!
Don’t choke on it kid, eat single bites, not double bites!
This kid is a Red Blooded True Persian Girl, Traditional Persian Style! She has not been infected with the Western Vegetarian and Vegan Gay Culture!
I can’t stand them Sissy Faggy Animal Rights Bozos! Animals don’t have rights, they’re not human! They are made for hunting, eating and aiding humans. If they were on top of the food chain, like we are, they would not hesitate to slaughter us! This is called the “Law of Nature” and “Survival of the Fittest”. That’s the Social Darwinist in me!
You know what’s a Persian Vegetarian or Vegan like? A Dickless Black! Get a life!
Our complete culture is based on meat and kabobs, so don’t be gay, eat meat! FAQ PETA!

You Can’t Scare Me, I’m Married to an Iranian Mug!
Right on baby, you’re surely brave to do that!

Sorry, we have sanctions, inflation and high food prices in Iran, so we had to eat the soap!

Iranian Marriage Classified in Newspaper
I am 70 years old and have been living with my wife for 50 years. Due to my wife’s illness, I am seeking a “second spouse” of between 45 to 55 years of age.
Please call me from 11 AM to 9 PM at this number ……
By the way, my wife is “Sadat”. God will grant spiritual reward to whomever living with Sadat!

Auntie Abbas Teahouse
Serving: Abgusht (Persian Meat Stew), Omelet, Garbanzo Beans, Tuna Fish
(Abbas is a male name!)

Iranian Transgender Bathroom Sign!

For the story of our creative Transgender Bathroom Signs which we printed and installed in various public parks in Bandar Anzali port as a prank, view:

Only in Iran – Part 11

Creative Iranian Street Sign!
Don’t laugh, we asked the city hall to replace the broken street sign for our Dead End, we waited for months and they never done it, so we created our own creative way of making the street sign to stand! Now our Dead End has a beautiful sign!

At the pool
Akbari (right): Are you showing your Shambool to Imam Khomeini?
Asqari (left): No, I’m just trying to weigh myself with this creative electric scale!

Long Pipe Oversized Persian Hookah Qalyan for Extreme Hookah Fans!
What you smoking with it boy?!

The Luxury Hookah Qalyan for the Rich and Powerful in Tehran!
She is so relaxed at the pool!

Beche (now that’s Esfahani Accent), don’t you think you’re too young for Hookah Qalyan?
Go play with marbles!

Persian Watermelon, Pineapple and Apple Special Blend Mix Hookah Qalyan!
Smoking Apple Tobacco with Fruit Mix Qalyan, Persian Style!
Smoke that Wacky Tobacky bebe!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran!

“Iranian National Soccer Team were the most handsome and the most fashionable team in the World Cup Soccer!” (Media)
Asqari: Are those fashion models?
Akbari: No, they’re Iranian National Team!

“Members of Iranian National Women’s Soccer Team have been discovered to be Ex Men and present Transsexuals!” (Media)
“Members of Iranian National Women’s Soccer Team were disqualified for not being women!” (Media)
“Iranian National Women’s Soccer Team has been disqualified for wearing Hejab!” (Media)
Asqari: Why are these ugly guys wearing Persian Immortals Costumes?
Akbari: Those are not guys and they are not wearing Immortals Costumes!
Asqari: Then what the hell are they?
Akbari: They are girls National Team and they are wearing athletic hejabs!
Asqari: How can our men players look like models but our women look like dogs?!
Akbari: Well, maybe because they’re not quite like women.
Asqari: What the hell does that mean?
Akbari: Well, how should I put it, they are mostly Trannys!
Asqari: You mean they’re Bull Dykes or Butch Girls, maybe Lesbians?
Akbari: No, I mean they’re men, they have dicks! They’re Chicks with Dicks!
Asqari: Oh Lord, for a second, I thought, we have pretty boys and Bull Dykes in Iran!
Akbari: You mean our men’s team are gorgeous and our girls’ team are monstrosities?
Asqari: Yeh, but I was puzzled how come Persian Girls are so pretty but our girls’ team …
Akbari: Are Despicable?
Asqari: Yeah, but thank God you solved the riddle!
Akbari: Riddle of Chicks with Dicks!
Asqari: So, were they disqualified because they are men or because they refused to take off hejabs?
Akbari: Both, but most importantly they are Chicks with Dicks, I just like the sound of that!

Meanwhile in the Iranian Hollywood Cinema World
Oh no, that cheesy Iranian Action Movie “First Move” again?
Gangsters from left to right:
Hojat: What are we doing here and why do we look like Hollywood Mafia?
Ezat: I don’t know but this movie is beginning to look very cheesy!
Qodrat: I don’t know either, but my anus painfully itches!
Qafar (old crime boss): Listen guys, I gonna offer you two things and they’re both good for you …
All Three (on left): What’s that?
Qafar: Either act like Persian Mafia or I will FAQ all of you deep and hard like I done last night.
All Three (on left): So that’s why our anuses painfully itches!

Turan: Hey guys, my butt itches too! Can someone take care of my itch?

Shahrzad: My butt also itches bad, I need someone to take care of my problem?

Reza Pahlavi: My anus always itches, I most definitely need a cure?
Reza Pahlavi II, the Pervert Gay Persian Prince

Would you even buy a used car from that face?
Reza Pahlavi II’s list of various Royal Titles:
Geisha (Gay Shah)
Reza de Nim Pahlavi (Reza the Half Pahlavi)
Reza Shash de Zepert (Puny Reza de Urine)
Reza Shaf-e Doyom (Reza the Anus Suppository the 2nd)
Reza Ye Rah Beza (Reza once give birth)
Reza Hasteh Khorma (Reza Owner of Seedy Small Date Size Balls)
Reza Cotton Balls (Reza Owner of Cotton Balls)
Reza Kebrit-e Bi Khatar (Reza the Safe Match Box)
Reza Damaq (Long Nose Reza)
Reza Papeh (Lazy Retarded Reza)
Reza the Shallow Weasel
Shah Ba’d Az In (Upcoming Shah, now for 40 years)
Shaf-and-Shaf (like Shahanshah Emperor but meaning Double Anus Suppository)
Mojasame-ye Belahat (Statue of Ignorance)
Mr. Mom (Always in the Kitchen)
Opie Dopie Reza
Opposition’s Clown

Sajad Gharibi the Iranian Hulk Champion Body Builder: Not to worry, I’ll itch all three of yous butts! I’ll rip your anuses apart so there’ll be nothing left to itch!

And now for something totally different …
Ahmadinejad’s Weird Hand Gestures!
Ahmadinejad: Mark my words, you are now in the picture frame and I am now watching all of you.

“Ahmadinejad said that we don’t have any gays in Iran!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me, then who are you?

“Ahmadinejad said that we don’t have any gays in Iran!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: With the Mullah too?! This kiss is so passively passionate!

“Ahmadinejad said that we don’t have any gays in Iran!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: You wouldn’t even have mercy on the Jew Rabbi?!

“Ahmadinejad said that we don’t have any gays in Iran!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: And another Jew Rabbi! Baba let go of the Jew!

“Ahmadinejad said that we don’t have any gays in Iran!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Bashar Al Assad too?! Baba jan you fertilized everyone! To hama-ro Abad Kardi!

Really?! Only Persians would wear hejab like that in an Islamic country and get away with it!

And now on display, a futuristic fashionable Gothic Hejab for those women with Acquired Taste!

Persian Basketball Player Girls are very Healthy!
Boy, she got lots of Assets down there!
Ahay, Oy Beche, close your eyes or cleanse your sight! Don’t look at her with Sinful Eyes!

Excuse me but is that suppose to be some type of Neo Hejab? Do you swim in it? You do understand that this is an Islamic country, right?!

OK that’s it, I give up! No wonder that no one in the Islamic World believes that you Persians are Real Muslims! You are just Pretend Muslims. Why don’t you just take it all off, it’s more comfortable that way! Just let it all hang out, dangling side to side, and up and down?!
Ahreeman Joon: What is it with Persians loving Meat? They love them Gigantic Boobs, Thick Thighs and Fat Bottoms! Personally, I have an excuse because my great ancestor was Aqa Mohammad Khan Qajar, the Great Butcher and the Last Persian Emperor! I just love them Beefy Thighs in them Mini Skirts or No Skirts at All! I like them Abgushti (Persian Beef Stew)! What can I say? I just love Aqa Khan and I love Beefy Thighs!

More information on Aqa Mohammad Shah Qajar:

First and Last Persian Emperors

Pictorial History of Iranian Military Uniforms: Chapter 20: Qajar Dynasty

Beautiful Persian White-Collar Girls Professional Businesswomen of Tehran, Iran

Beautiful Persian Blue-Collar Girls with Blue Chadors of Tehran, Iran

Beautiful Persian Girls Kiss in Tehran, Iran

Beautiful Sexy Persian Girls Kiss Pose in Tehran, Iran
Look at them almond shaped eyes!

Sexy Persian Girls Pose, Persian Style!
Big Boobs, Big Butts and Beefy Thighs, what else a butcher or a man could want?

Now That is So Gay!
Iranian Gay Couple Wedding of Nima Nia and Ramin Haghjoo Romance Pose in USA
That was so Gayishlly Romantic that I didn’t know if I should get emotional and cry or get a hardon, and I’m not even gay!

Persian Traditional Style Outdoor Wedding Ceremony, Gay Version!
That’s what I’m talking about boys, go Persian Style!
With Traditional Sofreh Wedding Table Set and even rubbing of the Sugar Cones but with the Rainbow Flag instead of cloth under it and on top of the groom and bride’s heads

Iranian Gay Couple Wedding of Nima Nia and Ramin Haghjoo
Nima you look very happy and you deserve it after what it took for you to get out of Iran and get here.

Iranian Gay Couple Wedding of Nima Nia and Ramin Haghjoo
Ramin you look classic, like a Gay Pirate of 16th Century Pirates of Caribbean!

Ahhh, now that’s romantic, a gay walk down the winding road in the woods Memory Lane …
Iranian Gay Couple Wedding of Nima Nia and Ramin Haghjoo
Ahreemanic Wedding Advice
Now boys, primarily I want to congratulate you on your wedding. Both of you went through hell to get out of arranged marriage with women or jail time in Iran, getting out of Iran, flight to Turkey, refugee applications and finally asylum to USA. Liberals brainwashed you to be Anti Trump but Trump’s job is not to grant you special federal rights to marry, that is states job. Trump’s job is to provide you with security and economic prosperity which he had done. Thanks to Trump, you exist, live and prosper in USA, as a matter of fact you should thank Trump for creating the greatest American Economy, Prosperity, Security and Safety in the history! Trump is the best thing that happened to America and the LGBTQ Community or else instead of wedding, right now they would have ripped a new rectum in jail for both of you in Iran! Go count your blessing and read a prayer for Trump because he is single handedly taking on the complete Establishment of corrupt Washington DC Swamp, GOP, Democrats, Hollywood, Media, Academia, Wall Street, Global Corporations and Deep State. The only person who is on the people’s side and your side is Trump.
Unfortunately, due to the Fake News Media Liberal Propaganda, the majority of the LGBTQ Community the same as the Black and the Iranian Community are brainwashed and Anti Trump. Do not believe a single word out of Media, Hollywood and Liberals. Go love Trump because he is man of the people and he returned the power from the Establishment back to the American people. Don’t bash Trump and bad mouth him.
If you trash Trump, then I have to personally come over there, grab and take you to the Ahreemanic Dungeons in the Ahreemanic House of Pleasureful Pains, torture you, do the nasty to you and maybe even stick a thick baseball bath up your butts. There will be chains, leather and torture devices involved and it could get ugly! Don’t make me torture and FAQ you up until you’re straight!
Damn that sounds perverted. I think I put the fear of BeJesus in these gay boys! I scare myself!

“Kamran and Hooman Iranian Gay Pop Stars Singers are mad at Ahreeman X.” (Media)
Kamran on the phone (left): Ahreeman, you better not trash us in your new Only in Iran Net Spoof. You done it in the old ones and I’m warning you, that’s enough. I know we’re lollypop music, superficial Persians, opportunists, called ourselves Canadians and now we’re trying to make up for it by wearing Faravahar armbands and being nationalistic about it, frankly because the fans burned our CDs and posters, and stopped buying our concert tickets. We learned our lesson and you made your point, so stop bashing us, enough is enough …

Hooman (right): That’s enough Kamran, get off the phone, don’t make things worse, don’t make him angry, you know he’s out of control, don’t piss him off, let go of the phone, gimme the phone …

“Kamran and Hooman went in to hiding in an isolated paradise under the palm trees, to get inspiration for creating new songs different than their old material.” (Media)
“Kamran and Hooman Iranian Gay Pop Stars are releasing a new album” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Boys, I dig the new gay hairdos and tights but I hope you got new meaningful material because the old stuff were getting a bit cheesy!

“Kamran and Hooman Iranian Gay Pop Stars released their new album: “Mikhamet” (in Persian) meaning “I Want You” (in English)! (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Bazam Kos O She’r? Another Bull Shiite, Commercial, Shallow, Airheaded, Bang and Bologna, Cheesy Album? I thought you will take your time and this turn, you make it right? Some folks never change!

“Iranian Body Builder Hossein Rajaei is a Kamran and Hooman fan!” (Media)
Bozo in blue tanks at the back: Dig these biceps guys …
Hossein Rajaei: I’m wearing Red Rag for Christmas, Merry Christmas. When I listen to your new album, I can’t control myself, I get intense …

“Iranian Body Builder Champion Hossein Rajaei is very intense!” (Media)
Hossein Rajaei: And when I get intense, I just wanna Explode because “Mikhamet”, I Want You and I wanna take you to the backroom of the mosque in the storage closet and show you the Light of Allah by ripping you two, couple of new rectums! That’s because I’m way too Intense and I need Release …… I Want You Boys!

“Iranian Body Builders love Kamran and Hooman.” (Media)
“Mohsen Gerin and Isaac Ghavidel love Kamran and Hooman.” (Media)
Sign at top left back: After use, please leave the weights back in their place.
Sign at top back: Due to the next door building complains, please don’t drop the weights.
Mohsen and Isaac: We Want You Boys, lets double date and do the nasty!

“Iranian Gay Hairy Bears party with Kamran and Hooman!” (Media)
Gay Bears: We Want You boys, Mikhamet, Let’s Rock and Roll! We love Bache Kunis, nothing like shaved all over, pearly white butt boys from Canada!

“American Tourist Vlogger went to Iran for around the country visit and afterwards he said: Iranians are very kind people.” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: They’re not kind, they’re perverts, they want to FAQ you!
Iranian Old Jahel Thug: Boy, come here sit next to Baba Jahel, don’t listen to Ahreeman. Iranians are kind, generous, hospitable and friendly, well sometimes way too friendly! Let me show you, I love your little blue shirt, cute blue shoes and shades. Oh, look at your tight pants, come closer, they call me “Mash Hassan Qasab” (Hassan the Butcher Pilgrim), let me see what you got in your pants, small doodool, let me take you to my butcher shop’s back room, I’ll finger your butt and play with your boobool. I’ll make a new man out of you boy! You see, in Iran we bang the little boys so they grow up to become men! Let’s be fair, I ask you, how can a boy become a man without getting banged in his youth? I just love pearly white boys. C’mon Kuchulu, come to Haji, let’s go little one … Mikhamet, I want you ……

Ahreeman X: Eh, Mariam Micol Iranian Transsexual Star, what are you doing here? Are you also a fan of Kamran and Hooman’s new album “Mikhamet” I Want You?
Mariam Micol: Na Jigar, I Want You, I Want Your Body …
Ahreeman X: Oh Lord, I’m straight but don’t get offended …
Mariam Micol: Didn’t you say you love Chicks with Dicks?
Ahreeman X: Well, you look good and healthy, oh what the hell, how can you not like Qormeh Sabzi unless you try it first?!

Check out:

Final Sexual Solution for the 21st Century, Decade Zeros (2000s)
Doctor's Prescription

Ahreeman X: Are you gay too?
Javad: No, I’m just relaxed! Way too Relaaaaaaxed ……

Mash Rajab the Persian Teahouse Attendant: Yeeees, Eyyyyyy (sigh), Ey Ruzegar, there was a time that I was young too, I had needs too, I liked Bache Kunis (Gay Boy Toys) too … let me tell you something:
Dood az kondeh boland mishe
(smoke arises from the old wood)
Mo modonom vali nametunom
(I’m well experienced but I’m not able)
The moral of the story is that don’t undermine the elders, we had our days too ……
Haji chai bedam? Let’s have a round of Persian Chai Tea with Cardamom …

Shater Mirza Morad: No, no way, not at all, I have nothing to do with this Ahreemanic Gay Drama Net Spoof! I know, I know my hair and glasses look gay but I promise you that I’m not gay. I’m just a simple baker in Tehran. I make the best Persian Sangak Bread in Tehran, hot and crispy flat bread, hot from the oven, eat some and take some. Ahreeman ordered 5, so I’m getting them ready for him. Ay Nun Sangaki, Sangaket Bedam? Here’s your Sangak Bread, may God be with you, kheyr pish ……

Only in Iran Baby, Only in Iran ……
See you in the funny pages ……
Until next time,

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to All

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