Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 19
Ahreeman X
December 22, 2024
Merry Christmas 2024 and Happy New Year 2025 to All
Only in Iran Christmas Special is here!
Hot Out of the IPC Oven, Come and Get it!

Little Red Persianhood
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Everyone

Hello boys and girls, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
This year, we are bringing you Persian Red and Green presents!

Persian Red and Green Christmas Presents

Have you been good? Then what are you doing in IPC?
Have you been naughty? Then come on in!
And now here’s your main dish:
Only in Iran - Part 19 Christmas Special Present!
On behalf of Little Red Persianhood, IPC Op. and myself: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.

Merry Christmas from Tehran

Who said you cannot make Hejab fashionable? This is hejab, Persian Style and in the snow!
Merry Christmas from Tehran

Best Christmas Present to Iranians: Trump is Coming, Trump is Coming!
Trump Snowman Builder at Snowman Contest in the park, Tehran, Iran
As much as the IRI Regime hates Trump, the Iranian people love Trump!

Ahreeman Joon: Eh Bache Kuni, what are you doing in the park, you’re building Trump Snowman too?
Persian Twink: No, I’m just admiring the thickness of this pine!
Ahreeman Joon: you like Trump?
Persian Twink: I love Trump!
Ahreeman Joon: Your lips are getting thicker, what do you do?
Persian Twink: I lip exercise, suction back and forth, I Qonche (Bloom) my lips like …
Ahreeman Joon: OK OK that’s enough, we don’t want to go there…
Persian Twink: Ok I behave, Merry Christmas Ahreeman Joon …
Ahreeman Joon: Merry Christmas Jigar Joon!

Persian Snowboarding Girls at the Dizin Ski Piste, Karaj, Alborz Province, Iran
Persian Female Snowboarders Rock Dizin!

Persian Snow Bunny: How about a little Christmas Tail?

It's Cold Outside! With Love from Tehran!

But it’s Hot Inside!
With Love from Tehran!

And it gets hotter by the minute!
Persian girls are having an intimate Christmas moment on the couch!

And even hotter where thermometer explodes! Anyone for Persian Studies?

Who said Persians are Bad Hejab? Here is the perfect example of the Hejab, Persian Style!
Persian girls of Tehran made a pact to obey the “New Hejab Laws” by the “Iranian Morality Police” and this is the new obedience, Persian Style!

Who said Christmas and Hejab are incompatible? Christmas Hejab, Persian Style!

And that’s how Persians go around Hejab, using Fashion, Persian Style!

What the hell is that, Christmas shopping in Tehran with Chador?

Ahreeman Joon: Eh, Imam Khamenei, what are you doing with the Christmas Tree?
Khamenei: I’m Christmas visiting the mother of this Christian IRGC Martyr of Islam!
Khomeini’s Picture: Allah bless this Christian Martyr of Islam!
Mother: Jesus bless Imam Khamenei …
Khamenei: Mother what do you wish for Christmas?
Mother: Ya Imam, I sacrificed my son for IRI, the only wish that makes me happy is to stick this Miniature Christmas Tree up your Holy Shiiter!
Khamenei: Our rectum is flexible, anything for Mothers of Shohada, come back at night to my residence!

At the Church
Mother: What do you wish for Christmas?
Daughter: I wish for the Old Bastard Khamenei to croak!
Mother: Then light a candle for that …

At the Church
Mother: Why are you lighting and holding this candle?
Daughter: this one I want to stick in Imam’s butt for Christmas!

Ahreeman Joon: What are you girls doing in IPC?
Girls: We’re just taking a Christmas selfie, don’t worry, we’re not reading your prohibited and banned Net Spoof, we will read it late at night when our parents are sleep!
Ahreeman Joon: How will you bypass IRI net filters?
Girls: Using VPN and Proxies which we learned about from your IPC “Opposition Mission’s Manual #3” and lots of practice…
Ahreeman Joon: Kids these days! They know more about computers than adults!

At the Church Christmas Communion
Father: With this sacred bread, I give you the body of Christ, but don’t bite my fingers off!
Woman: But the meat is so expensive in Tehran’s inflation and your fingers taste good!
Father: Cannibalism is a sin, woman …
Woman: Forgive me Father thus I have sinned! Can I at least have a lick?

At Qom, Iran
Hassan Nasrallah: Ya Imam, you’re my benefactor, let me kiss your hand, better let me munch on it…
Khamenei: Habibi, don’t bite the hand that feeds you…
Nasrallah: But I’m dead, them Jew bastards killed me, my bite won’t hurt …
Khamenei: Then how come my hand hurts, you Arab moron? With all the money I give Hezbollah, you are still hungry?
Nasrallah: Dead never gets fed enough!

Rouhani: Ya Imam, Christmas greeting
Khamenei: Rouhani even though you’re not president anymore, yet you can come and eat some Holy Schlong, seeing you, it’s getting hard, I can feel it with my fake artificial hand, don’t be shy, come here and have some of my Baba Ghanoush?
Rouhani: No thank you, I have been eating the Holy Badenjan through the years of my presidency, so much that I often got indigestions! My stomach is still upset and I take Pepto-Bismol!

Khamenei: Raisi, come close for Christmas Rubusi (greeting both cheeks kissing), you can even consume some o my Holy Schlong …
Raisi: No thank you, I already had some of Imam Khomeini’s from the other side in Hell. I had some in afterlife, I can’t eat in this life! Thank Allah!

“Imam Khamenei greets children during his lunch!” (Media)
Khamenei: Come here kids, give Poppa Khamenei a big sloppy one!
Basiji Boy in Uniform (IRI Youth): Your beard is rough, it hurts!
Boy in Dark Blue: How bad it hurts?
Boy in Light Blue: Oh my God, this pervert wants to French Kiss me!
Sister of Zeynab Youth: I hope he doesn’t kiss girls!

Parent (not in the picture): Go kido, go let Imam kiss, hug and caress you …
Basiji Boy: This is worse than American woke Democrat parents force taking their children to Gay Bars for Tranny Dance and listening to Drag Queen Stories while getting fingered by hairy men in dress! I don’t want to go to Imam …
Parent: Go boy, you don’t know what’s good for you, Imam will raise you to become a commander …
Basiji Boy: But I don’t want to …
Khamenei: Come here boy, I like your Palestinian scarf, you got smooth face skin, tight body, give your Rahbar a kiss … why so tense? Relax, give it a chance …

Khamenei: Come here boy, gimme a kiss, malach moluch …
Basiji Boy: But your beard is so rough!
Khamanei: Let me enlighten you to the light of Allah …
Basiji Boy: But I know how your enlightenments are!
Khamenei: Not to worry, come back at night and I show you the sword of Allah, just let me do you some good and in the morning, before you leave for home, I’ll give you a brand-new GI Yadollah Suicide Bomber Action Figure Doll, just relax, loosen up, give it a chance …
Basiji Boy: New Suicide Bomber Doll, really? Then I’ll come!
Khamanei: That a boy, now smile and remember, for soldiers of Islam, No Pain, No Gain …

Khamenei: Remember when you were a kid, the good old times when I used to take you to the backroom of the mosque?
Assad: Yes you old pervert!
Khamenei: Where do you live now, Moscow?
Assad: No thanks to you fled without supporting me in Syria!
Khamanei: It was only tactical, we will bring you back in a jiffy, now gimme a kiss like old times, will ya?

At IRGC Night of the Generals
Soleimani (middle): American bastards killed me, Salami, why didn’t you come to my rescue?
Salami (right): Look, the way this story is going, soon I may join you on the other side!
Soleimani: Why, Americans are approaching?
Salami: No, Trump got elected again!
Soleimani: That’s the son of a bitch who sent me to Hell!

Soleimani Congratulation Cake!
Writing: Qasem Jan, congratulation on you becoming flat cutlet!

This Side of Town
A group of beautiful Persian girls demanding the latest fashion!

That Side of Town
A group of ugly Persian girls from Basij Youth and Sisters of Zeynab (Moral Police) demanding to become Siqeh (Temporary Marriage)! They protest and rally raising placards read “Death to Israel” because even Jews wouldn’t bang them!

Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me, why are you wearing the IRI flag around your waist and privates?
Sisi Joon: Mullah Olama say Hejab is woman’s protection …
Ahreeman Joon: So?
Sisi Joon: I’m protecting my Owrat (privates) down there!

Persian girls: No, we did not just have nose jobs for Christmas, this is only our Halloween faces!
Ahreeman Joon: But it’s Christmas!
Persian girls: We’re late bloomers, behind the west, we celebrate Halloween a bit late on Christmas!
Ahreeman Joon: You know, liars go to Hell …
Persian girls: We already live in IRI under Islamic law, that’s worse than Hell!
Ahreeman Joon: Gulp …… you got me!

“A new trend of Sexy Chadori Girls are taking over Tehran and Esfahan!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Guys, have you ever wondered what’s under the chador?
Chadori Girls: We’re not really Chadori, we just wear chador to turn you on!
Ahreeman Joon: So what’s under the chador?
Chadori Girls: wouldn’t you love to find out?

Ahreeman Joon: Are you two also displaying new hejab styles?
Fashion Girls: No, we just dropped by to turn you on!
Ahreeman Joon: So what’s under your outfits?
Fashion Girls: Nothing! Underwear was so expensive, so we decided to go Butt naked! Inflation is a killer!

“IRI Moral Police Sisters of Zeynab are afraid of giving Persian Bad Hejab Girls warning and tickets!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Why, because Sisters of Zeynab are hesitantly shy?
Fashion Persian Girls: No, because we gang up and beat the Shiite out of them!
Ahreeman Joon: Wow Nelly, Jumpin Jehovahs!

John Kerry: It was great dealing with you Javad.
Javad Zarif: I’m glad that we had an understanding and I deeply screwed you and America up the Shiiter!
Kerry: Hopefully we will make a deal again after 2028.
Zarif: It would be great dealing with you and a Democrat administration but the way Biden and Harris Shiited all over America and the way Trump will again create the greatest economy on earth, I doubt that Democrats will see power in 20 years!
Double Chinned EU Woman: They often call me a simpleton but I really wonder if these two are talking politics or sex?!

“IRI has limited number of politicians who can speak half ass English and have half a brain, so in every other administration they switch them around. IRI plays Musical Chair with their halfwit diplomats!” (Media)
“While 60% of Iranians speak English, the IRI Regime cannot find any diplomat who speaks English, is a technocrat and wants to work for the regime!” (Media)
“Zarif lashed out on the media in his latest press conference!” (Media)
Javad Zarif: Ohoy Gusaleh calling yourselves Media, what is all this nonsense about IRI Diplomates are illiterate, dumb and no one wants to work for the regime? All this garbage started with that Little Satan Ahreeman who lives in the land of Great Satan! I’m back in administration because of my skills, not because I speak Pigeon English with Dahati accent! We don’t have a shortage of capable, English-speaking Technocrats in the regime, but the reason you don’t see them is because we keep them behind the curtain and at the background, like an Ace in the sleeve!

And now for something totally different we will display for you the unveiling of the IRI IRGC Special Qods Force camouflaged outfits in the parade! Number of viewers e-mailed us that these creatures are from Return of the Living Dead, Ghost Story or Swamp Thing, but we assure you that they are truly Iranian Special Forces!

“As the new propaganda gimmick, IRI Regime broadcasts subliminal Islamic political informercials as entertainment on the giant screens around the cities!” (Media)
From left to right:
Akeleh: What the hell is that?
Qabeleh: It’s the new IRI robot!
Saliteh: No, it’s the new Orangutan for the Tehran Zoo!
Hameleh: Are you guys blind? That’s the new Reformist president Pezeshkian!

“Iranian Women National Soccer Team was accused of having men playing in women’s sport!” (Media)
Dick-ollah (red): We should not let a little piece of meat separate us as genders!
Tranny Davud (white): Why are we always behind as the west rushes forward? In America, hairy gorillas in skirts play in women’s sports! When will we progress as the west?
Dick-ollah: Back then, they banned us and criticized us, but now look what happened in the west!
Tranny Davud: They’re just jealous because we are Chicks with Dicks, best of both worlds!

So this is how girls play hooky from school and ditch classes! First they show up for attendance, and then they sneak out from the narrow opening near the roof!

“Persian Bathhouses are getting popular again!” (Media)
Left to Right:
Toqoli: These soapsuds are so smooth and bubbly, they’re tickly!
Javi: Haji, Doolam Didi (Pilgrim, have you seen my dick)?
Abdi: I did!
Toqoli: No I didn’t!
Javi: Let me show it to you and tell you all about the bubbles!
Toqoli: I am shy!
Abdi: God dammit, you can’t just go to the Persian Bathhouse and get a nice relaxing bath. It’s time to skip, these guys are veteran Persian Perverts!

“Persian Bathhouses are popular examples of the traditional Iranian public baths!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Haji what you doin?
Qaffar Sibil [Mustached Qaffar] (right): I brought this Twink Boy to take Garmabeh (Steam Bath), and then to wash him, I’m showing him tricks of the trade (Rah O Chah), we’re putting Long (Bath Gown) and Slippers, getting ready for action!
Ahreeman Joon: Omumi (public bath) or Nomre-yi (numbered private bath)?
Qaffar Sibil: I booked a private room; day is long and boy is young! Afterwards, I take him to Khazineh (public hot pool) to baptize him!
Ahreeman Joon: Bismillah, Ya-Allah Haji!

“Persian Dalaak is the best masseur in the world. The Persian technique of the Deep Tissue Massage makes you relax all over!” (Media)
“Mosht O Mal is the traditional Persian Bath Massage and it makes miracles!” (Media)
Chubbo: Aakh, Ouch, Aaaaaakh …. You are killing me!
Dalaak: Man up, don’t be a Fat FAQ, it puts you in shape!
Chubbo: Aakh mordam ( I’m dying)!
Dalaak: This is Mosht O Mal (punch and rub), it’s good for you, take it like a man.
Chubbo: It hurts like hell!
Dalaak: But afterwards, you feel like a million dollar!

“Persian Mosht O Mal (Punch and Rub) Massage aligns all your bones and relaxes you!” (Media)
Chubbo: Baba baseh digeh, vel kon digeh (that’s enough, let go)?
Dalaak: You’ll thank me later!
Chubbo: You broke all my bones!
Dalaak: I’m realigning your back …
Chubbo: You FAQed me!
Dalaak: That comes next!

“Persian Mosht O Mal (Punch and Rub) Massage, miraculously aligns all your bones and relaxes you!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: What the FAQ is that Haji?
Dalaak: It called Persian Technique!
Ahreeman Joon: You are rearranging his internal parts and brain!
Dalaak: Only his lower back discs and joint bones, it straightens him up!
Ahreeman Joon: You killed the guy!
Dalaak: you been living in USA for too long, you are detached from our culture …
Ahreeman Joon: But you FAQed the poor guy!
Dalaak: Not to worry, that comes next!

“Persian Mosht O Mal (Punch and Rub) Massage, aligns all your bones, relaxes and makes a new you!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Haji, you twisted this poor guy in knots!
Dalaak: He’ll get used to it!
Ahreeman Joon: Will he make it through?
Dalaak: Look, whatever that doesn’t kill you, will make you stronger!
Customer: Aaaaaaaaaaaakh ……

“Nothing in the world revives you like Persian Mosht O Mal (Punch and Rub) Massage!” (Media)
Dalaak: This boy is so white and hairless, look at that ass, round, small and tight, so tempting, how can you not bang that butt? I think first I relax him with a massage, knock him out with Persian Technique, do the nasty to him and then wake him up like nothing happened!
Ahreeman Joon: But he will be sore?
Dalaak: He’ll think its from the soapsuds and bubbles, No Pain, No Gain!

“Nothing in the world revives you like Persian Mosht O Mal (Punch and Rub) Massage!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Is this a Persian Bathhouse or Bang and Bologna Gangbang Anonymous Club?
Javad (middle): Both! We first bang and then salavat (read prayer), Bang O Salavat!
Ahreeman Joon (to Dalaak on the right): What’re you doing to his face?
Dalaak: I’m waking him up with a face rub, he was so relaxed that felt sleep!
Ahreeman Joon (to Dalaak on far right): What’re you doing to his shanks and thighs?
Dalaak: Nothing, I just like Lamb Shanks and Thigh Meat!
Ahreeman Joon: Persian Bathhouse, nothing like it in the world!

Ahreeman Joon: Eh, Maryam Micol the notorious Persian Transsexual, what are you doing here?
Mariam Joon: I’m not up for a Persian Bath, I’m only here to show off my butt!
Ahreeman Joon: Assets?
Mariam: You use it or you lose it!
Ahreeman: You’re fine baby …
Mariam: Then why don’t you publish a photo shoot in IPC?
Ahreeman: Honey we only publish chicks in IPC, you’re lovely but you’re a Chick with Dick!
Mariam: Transphobic, Homophobic, Racist, Sexist, Xenophobe, Genderist, Prejudiced, Bigot ….
Ahreeman: Honey I heard it all, but who loves you baby? Ahreeman indeed! Who else?

“Mariam Micol the Persian Transsexual model and adult movie star is very popular in the Middle Eastern Circa!” (Media)
Mariam Joon: Ahreeman you wanna see it, it’s so mighty!
Ahreeman Joon: No thank you, I don’t go out with girls who have bigger schlongs than I!
Mariam: It’s not that big!
Ahreeman: Still, you carry a dangerous weapon!
Mariam: I ripped so many tough guys in my time and put them in their place …
Ahreeman: Exactly what I’m talking about!

“Mariam Micol the Persian Transsexual model is Hot!” (Media)
Mariam Joon: Some like it hot, some like it Hot! Take a walk on the wild side!

Lesbian Kiss?
Girl (left): It’s a good kiss but lesbian? Are you sure you’re a woman? Look at those high cheek bones, big body and manly hands!
Tranny (Right): I’m still a girl, so that makes it a lesbian kiss!

“Firuzeh voluptuous Persian model gaining popularity online!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Eh, Firuzeh, what are you doing here?
Firuzeh Joon: Showing my assets!

Firuzeh: Now that’s what we call a perfect round butt!

Firuzeh in full hejab and neqab except ….!
Ahreeman Joon: Firuzeh are you reading Namaz prayer?
Firuzeh: No, I make men to fall on their knees and read Namaz prayer to me!

Now that’s an awesome Persian view! Persians like their women to have some meat on their bones!

Iranian women use fashion to get around hejab! This is hejab, Persian style!

Now that’s a Traditional Persian Classic!

“Inflation in Iran is taking a toll!” (Media)
Apple computer laptop, Persian Style!

Funny Iranian Barber: Now what style would you like me to blow dry your hair into?

“Iranians really value books and they are book worms!” (Media)
Book sales display in Iran!

“Bread lines are getting long!” (Media)
Small library even in the bread bakery! You can read books while waiting in line!

Persian side car mirror when yours is knocked off in an accident!

Q: What the hell is that?
A: Iranian contractor carrying long hose pipe with his truck to the job site!

Is that a handicap parking or Christmas Tree dump after the Christmas?!

Segregated Islamically Correct Mobile Charge plugs for Sisters and Brothers!
Only in Iran baby, only in Iran!

Electronic Store in Tehran
Sales and repairs of mobiles, fax, other hi-tech electronic equipment
Note: We also sell Underwear!

“IRI Government truly values the labor force!” (Media)
Department of Treasury and Economy
Office of Labor Union Housing
Shack in a boonies!

Manual windshield wiper, Iranian style!
Necessity provides invention!

“Persian kids are eating Do Lopi (with both cheeks) while they should eat Ye Lopi (with single cheek)!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Napoki kuchulu, ye lopi bokhor, now that a girl, perfect vegetarian!
Little Girl: I love Dandeh (rib) Kabob!
Ahreeman Joon: Kid you eat so enthusiastically, don’t eat the bone!
Little Girl: Hambooli, haaaam, yum yum …

“Persian girls are making weird faces these days!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Khoshgeleh (beautiful) you’re hungry too?

“Persian girls are making weird faces these days!” (Media)
Ahreeman Joon: Khoshgeleh what’s the meaning of this gesture? What’s with the lip twitch?

Khoshgeleh: Ok here’s a kiss, Qonche (flower bloom) for you!

Persian Biker Chick flies high!

Are Persian girls stylish or fashionable?!

A Persian Farewell Kiss for you! Until next time!

At the Sangak Bread Bakery
Haj Baqer Sangaki the Baker: Ahreeman likes 2 skewers of Kubideh Kabobs, 1 big charbroiled tomato, side of fresh basil herbs and raw onions on a bed of Sangak bread. He likes the kabob juices all over the Sangak bread. His favorite kabob is Kubideh and his favorite bread is Sangak. So he ordered bread and I made him a special. Honestly, have you ever seen a Sangak bread this long? It’s record breaking! Ahay Sangak mipazim, bokhor o bebar! Come eat some here and take some home, buy them while they last! Ohoy Sangaki, Ahaaaaaaaaaaaay …..
Aboli the Baker Assistant: Ey Va-Allah! Safasho …
Only in Iran Baby, Only in Iran ……
See you in the funny pages ……
Until next time,
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year to All
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