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Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 4

Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 4

Ahreeman X
July 11, 2008

A Night at Persepolis
1st Persian Immortal (on the wall): Can you believe that once upon a time Darius and Xerxes the Great used to walk this hallway, but now these imbeciles (Ahmadinejad and Putin) are walking the same hallway?!
2nd Persian Immortal (on the wall): Sometimes you ride the donkey and sometimes the donkey rides you! That’s life!

Mahru and Monir Before Operation!
Need a Sex Change? Go to Iran, Government Pays for it!
Mahru (formerly Rajab Ali) and Monir (formerly Qolam Ali)

L - Mahru: Iran is Transsexual Heaven. Islam recommends and pays for sex change but kills homosexuals! I still have my shambool-che but soon I’ll go under the knife!
R - Monir: Oh don’t say things like that, the hair around my shambool-che stands straight! Moormooram shod! Begu to?
Mahru: To!
Momnir: Jigar-e to, fada-ye to, vafa-ye to, ada-ye to, boobool-e to ….

Mahru and Monir After Operation!
L – Mahru: I’m all-natural. Look at my chin, so smooth. Since I was a little girl, I always had good chin!
R – Monir: Well look at my cheek-bones, so shapely. All my life I had good cheeks. I never done plastic surgery! Thank Allah I’m a natural girl!

Extra Extra Cheap, All on Sale …. New silk scarves from Kashan had arrived. Get a Deal: Buy one, pay for the second one too! Look girls, they are so colorful that I even look good in them!

Atusa Beauty Salon - Females Only (on the window)
Hey Abdul, what the hell are you doing in there?!

Ashura in Tehran
Yes once again it is Ashura mourning time in Tehran. We wear our Kakoli Tintin hairdos, our goatee beards, our US Flag sleeveless shirts, our pop T-shirts underneath, our western jeans and our converses. Then we go to the rally and bang the Shiite out of our backs with the chains! We truly feel the pain that Imam Hussein had suffered! Down with America!

Window signs:
L - Female Stockings are available.
R – Vozu Stockings for cleansing before the Namaz prayer are available!
What the hell are Vozu Stockings? Muslim should wash their hands from elbow down and their feet from ankles down before the Namaz Prayer. Then what the hell are these stockings for? Do you wear them after you wash your feet, so you don’t wet your sox? This is so gay! This must be the modern way! Welcome to modern Islam! And they say Islam can’t reform! What happened to the old fashion men of steel who used to go barefoot to the water fountain, in the mosque and out the door? Vozu stockings my ass! This is way too gay!

Islamic Shadow Boxing: Female KickBoxing with Hejab!

The Iranian Dahati Evel Knievel!
Haji would you act your age? Haji you’re a senior citizen, what are you doing showing off to the young village girls, bouncing on your Vespa Scooter (Motor Gazi)?

Graduation with Chador!
Zeynab must be a true traditionalist! She won’t even take off her chador and trade it with a gown for the graduation!

Michael Jackson with Red Wristband at Tehran’s Hezbollah Rally!
Hezbos chanting slogans:
Death to Israel
Long live Shaikh Hassan Nasrallah
Iranian Hezbollah supports Lebanese Hezbollah
Down with USA
Hey boy, this is a Hezbollah Rally, not the Gay Pedophile Parade!

At Ahmadinejad’s speech at the Azadi Circle
Brother Ahreeman: Excuse me brother what is your job?
Brother Dozd Ali: I hold the flag so it won’t fall down during president’s speech. He likes the flag right behind him but with a slight angle!

Sign: Danger crashing with camels!
This must be somewhere in the southern or central deserts!

An intelligent and responsible driver will not park in front of the garage door or block the bridge on the sidewalk!

Temporary Turbans!
You forgot to bring your turban to the reception? Not to worry, we provide temporary turbans for you to wear, so you will look formal in the reception!

Doodool Cake!
Zahra: President said if the food is too expensive to purchase, then just eat Yellow Cake!
Kobra: This cake looks like the dome of a mosque and two minarets, one on each side!
Soqra (in the middle with a smile): Those chocolate minarets sticking out of the cake look so appetizing! Yum yum …
Roja: Hey wait a second, those are not minarets! Those are thick and long ….
Kobra: That son of an infidel baker …
Soqra (in the middle with a smile): No wonder I enjoyed the minarets!
Hassan (at the back with the camera): This is a Kodak moment, let me capture the minarets!

Islamic Azad (Private) University, Sari Branch, Mazandaran, Iran
You figure at least they should be literate enough to spell the “Univercity” (University) correct!

Attention Attention
We are in urgent need of a lady typist expert in Microsoft “World” (Word) XP!

Houzeh Elmiyeh Qom Rally sign:
Bush Shame "and" (on) you!
Khak bar sar-e Dahati-ye Qomi-ye har chi bi savad-e khar-e!
Baba first learn English, second start writing Anti American slogans and placards!
May the prophet’s penis poke you in the turbans!

Fundamentalists at the restaurant
Asqar: How do they eat?
Akbar: They put their heads down and eat from under the chador, very quickly so no infidel will get to sneak a peekaloo from their lips!

This is what they call a secretive inside deal behind the wall at the Majlis!

X Party at Mirdamad Hall starting at 9:30 AM!
Girls on Saturday and Boys on Sunday!
Ahreeman Joon: Excuse me but this demolishes the whole concept of the party! A segregated party?! You must be kiddin me! Well, unless this is a special Islamic Gay and Lesbian Club!

What the hell are you trying to say?!
We at the small towns’ fruitful rising backed questionnaire national workshop, greet all the plant parenthood and popular health deans from all national universities and also we cherish granting weight to the fruitful rising backed questionnaire of the plant parenthood.
Vice President
Mazandaran University of Medical Science

1. Internet Cards
2. Frozen Chicken
3. Ground Beef
Are available!

At a National Symposium
From right to left: The first Turkmen representative is uncomfortable in his shoes! The second Turkmen representative is getting more comfortable while taking one of his shoes off and resting his one foot on top of the other! But the third Arab representative from Khuzestan is going all the way cozy by forgetting about the shoes and sox in general! He looks so relaxed, just like home! However the fourth guy, the errand boy all the way to the left, sitting on the stairs is not comfortable at all, because he smells the wonderful aroma from Sheik’s feet!

Rafsanjani wins Assembly of Experts (AE) first seat from Tehran
No wonder you support Ayatollah Rafsanjani! Are you his body double?

Are you students all comfy and cozy? Would you like ottomans?!

What is the sheep doing next to Iran Air? Is he the sacrificial lamb to sacrifice before the plane takes off, so it will have smooth flying? Allah is merciful!

At the Bazaar
Seasonal Sale Starts
We are in need of a Shouter (to propagate sales)!

Are these street sweepers riding at the back of the garbage truck to be dropped in locations or are they Afghan convicts doing outside jail labor instead of serving jail terms?

Professor I truly love you and thank you for the award but please let go the bear hug because you are crushing me!

No respect whatsoever for the police! Thank Allah it is a Mercedes so the cabin remains intact!

Hey look it is the “Good Fortune Alley” (top sign), but it’s a shame that there’s a “Do Not Enter Sign” at it’s entrance!

Pershian Golf Boulevard!
Are you trying to say: Persian Gulf Boulevard?

Mr. President please keep your day job. We don’t want you to Frag Up the National team, the same way that you Fragged Up the economy!

Are you cheering for the way he plays soccer or the way he runs the country?

Rising New Iranian Gay Boys of the Persian Pop Music
Please Welcome the 6/8 Persian Dance Beat Queens:
Kir-Man and Hoo-Kan (Kamran and Hooman)

Kir-Man: Joon, bebin che labam kolofteh? (See how thick and luscious are my lips?)
Hoo-Kan: Manam kunam kolofteh! (My Buttocks are also thick!)

Chicks with Dicks (Jendejat-e Dool-dar)!
Bache Kunis R Us:
Kir-Man and Hoo-Kan (Kamran and Hooman)
Kir-Man = Dick Man, Hoo-Kan = What an Ass
Kir-Man: Akh budbudam shod (my ass is itching)!
Hoo-Kan: Manam Moormooram shod (my whole body also itches)!

Kir Ali (The Iranian Molester) while swinging his Moameleh from side to side: Excuse me I am looking for a couple of Bache Kunis named Kir-Man and Hoo-Kan (Kamran and Hooman), I’m here to take care of their itchy buns! I will rip them a couple of new holes so their voices will clear up and sing soprano! Once they open their mouths wide to sing soprano, then I will Skull Frag them to open up their throats! Anyone seen them? Anyone?

Haj Yadollah with Mashhadi accent:
Once upon a time I also had a good voice! I also had a functioning Moameleh! I also used to do the nasty with Bache Kunis in Qom! I also used to roll the Persian carpet and ….
Yeees …Dud az kondeh boland mishe!
Javoneh motoneh ama namodoneh!
Pireh modoneh ama namotoneh!
Mo be qorbone Joe-gandomish borom ke ham modoneh o ham motoneh!
(Yeees ….. old school rocks!
The young one can do it but he don’t know how!
The old one knows how but he can’t do it!
But I, the middle age can both do it and know how!)

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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