Only in Iran
Those Funny Crazy Persians: Part 6
Ahreeman X
September 26, 2008

At the World Wrestling Tournament
Qolam Reza (Left): Baba let go of the leg, you worn me out, I’m passing out! You are such a leech. Baba vel kon, khafam kardi!
Bakhtak Zalu (Right): But I can’t help myself, I love Lamb Shank! I want a bite!

At the Body Building National Championship
Ali Heykal Body Builder (Left): You know, 2 of us are champion and runner up but who the hell are these couple of bearded Hezbos and this Mullah on the stage? And why are they raising their hands as champions?
Rasul Kachal Body Builder (4th from Left): Beats me! Too many champions on the stage!

Colonel: Baba jan don’t raise your feet straight up too high during the parade, you may tear your balls or rupture a hernia down there!

At the Rugby Game
Soqi (Right): Fati catch it, I’m letting go of the ball, because this bitch won’t let go of my meme (tities)!
Fati (Left): I got the ball!
Soqi: Bitch, I don’t even have the ball, why don’t you let go? Damn leech!
Maryam Khoreh (Middle): Who cares about the ball? I found 2 meme, I’m grabbing tight and won’t let go! You can’t separate me from them even by a bulldozer!

Ahay Moslemin Help, help me, save me from these 2 cannibals ….. I don’t want to become Baqala Polo with Lamb Shank! I’m not the sacrificial lamb, it’s a case of mistaken identity! Help heeeeeelp ….

So this is what they mean by obeying the proper hejab code in Iran! Where are the Islamic dress police when you need them?!

Infidels, read your Namaz (prayers), Ruzeh (fast) during Ramadan and go to the mosque or your face will turn like this!

Hassan Ali (Right) to the bus driver (in the middle, pushing the tree):
Didn’t I tell you to pray to Allah before starting the trip? Allah didn’t hear your prayers now did he? Do you see this tree fallen from nowhere on top of your bus? This is how Allah responded to your No Pray! I hope you have learned something today! You God Damn Infidel!

Ultimate Discrimination in Tabriz
Turks discriminating against Turks! Oh pardon me, that was politically incorrect, try this one:
Azeris discriminating against Azeris!
Tabriz City Sign reads:
Using the park is strictly for travelers.
Entrance of native Tabrizis are absolutely forbidden!

Shopping Center Sign:
Dear sisters, avoid wearing exciting garments, so you will become less of a target for beady eyed dirty men!

Ayatollah ibn Bool (left): Look at my hands, smoother than baby’s butt! What’s my secret you ask? Halaal natural Islamic cream from Mashhad!
Ayatollah ibn Shool (middle): Hmmmm, yes I see! Your hands are the same as a little 9 year old girl’s thighs awaiting Siqeh (temporary marriage)!
Ayatollah ibn Dool (right) [Thinking by himself]: That son of a bitch is lying! I think he wanked off furiously and then covered the rough skin with Vaseline petroleum jelly from down the street in Qom. Halaal natural Islamic cream from Mashhad, my butt!

Hassan Shish-lool: I’m glad we hitched a ride back to the base. Now boys, this is just like bunking and banging each other and lying on top of each other at nights back in the base, but with more fun because we are moving so it vibrates!

At the Boutique
Bad Hejab and Loose Hejabed ladies will not be served, even a dear customer such as yourself!

Cameraman (behind Chadori Woman): Ms. Majlis Representative, great speech for a great program, but would you turn around a bit and show some neck and chin, so our viewers will get to know you better?!

Allah please don’t take me away with your mighty claw, I’m still young and have many hopes and dreams!

The Shiites are taking a Shiite!
The Mullah in the right toilet is Seyed (black turban) and the Mullah in the left toilet is not (white turban)! Now I stated that without even looking at their faces! Ain’t that magic?!
(Seyed = Descendant of Prophet Mohammed.)

Dear Mother, please accept our condolences for your “Great Passing Away”!
Sign: Maqsud, Yaqub and Davud Karim-far

Baneh, Imam Khomeini Huspital (Hospital)!
I wonder if the Kurd in Baneh wrote this sign due to English illiteracy or he wanted to mock Khomeini!

Yes, we always travel first class!

Trouble Shooting Sketch Manual (Perian Style)!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat => Shiited all over it? => No => Don’t touch it no more => Forget about it!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat => Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => No => Don’t touch it no more => Forget about it!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => No => Forget about it!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => No => Can you hide it? => No => Can you fix it? => No => Do you believe in Miracles? => No => You are fragged!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => Yes => It’s all fixed!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => Yes => It’s all fixed!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => No => Can you hide it? => Yes => It’s all fixed!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => No => Can you hide it? => No => Can you fix it? => Yes => It’s all fixed!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => No => Can you hide it? => No => Can you fix it? => No => Do you believe in Miracles? => Yes => Did you truly pray with all your power? => No => You are fragged!
Is it fixed? => Somewhat =>  Shiited all over it? => Yes => You screwed it up? => Yes => Frag you! => I know! => You gonna get caught? => Yes => You can shift responsibility to someone else? => No => You can beg someone to fix it? => No => Can you hide it? => No => Can you fix it? => No => Do you believe in Miracles? => Yes => Did you truly pray with all your power? => Yes => It’s all fixed!
Is it fixed? => Forget about it!

“A saleslady yet preferably a salesman is needed for shoe sales.”
Excuse me, so which one is it? Are you trying to be politically correct as an equal opportunity employer or do you need a transsexual bi gender to work for you?

P: Sucking more tities = More Milk!
Q: Daddy, please help Mommy to give me the most amount of milk!
P + Q =?

Is this child abuse or just a little bit of fun during the rally?

Journalism, Persian Style!
Kerman Hadith:
City of Kerman’s Islamic Committee has been regularly “Doing” it according to the regulations!
Ahreeman Joon: What beautiful literature! Islamic Committee has been “Doing” it to the people alright, but I don’t know if they been doing it according to the regulations or not?!

In the footsteps of Mohammed …..
What photography, what art! I’m getting an erection!

Is this what they call “The Hidden Agenda” or “The Hidden Meeting” in Majlis? Or did someone drop a book and these brave warriors assumed that it is another Beheshti style terrorist bombing?

The lucky winner, Mr. Fredrick Khamukh Khoshabu (a Jew) owner of the bank account # …. from this branch has won a paid pilgrimage to the Holy Shiite Shrines!

And they say the Religion of Iranians is Shiite Islam!
Religion of Iranians is Poetry, Wine, Kabob and Sex!
(She’r o Sharab o Kabob o Sex!)
Please observe what is going on in a park at Islamic Republic of Iran!

Happy Fajr Decade
Down Witeh (with) USA, Down Witeh (with) Israel
Haji, first learn English, second write political slogan placards!
Khak bar sareh bi savad-e Dahati-ye Badbakht-e khar-e Mosalmanet konan!

At a Special Committee in Majlis
Left to Right:
Hassan Kadu: My butt itches bad, I wish someone could finger it!
Kal Ali: Sister Representative, I know you are married but you have such thick luscious lips, would you like to Siqeh (temporary marriage) after the session? 
(Shoma labat kolofteh, miyayn Siqeh hal konim ba’d az jaleseh?)
Robabeh: Joon, you have the light of Allah in your eyes, it turns me on!
(Joon, nur-e Khoda tu cheshat-e, khosh khoshanam shod!)
Rajab Ali (stretching neck): That son of a bitch picked up the babe! Dayus this is a special committee not a meat market!
Hojat Kuri (looks constipated): I have to fart bad! I wonder if it will stink the room?!

Ahmadinejad: Hojaj, all of you are wearing turbans but all of you are also bald (kachal). It is hot and your heads sweat so this room smells like Kaleh Pacheh (Lamb’s head and feet stew)! You must wash your heads daily or else you smell like Roqan Karchak (head oil)! Wash your bald heads with the Darugar Islamic shampoo daily! Allah is merciful!

Ahmadinejad: Damn Larry King asked me again that I said there are no gays in Iran! I told him gayshess is shameful and illegal in Iran; therefore, we really don’t have any gays in Iran! All we have are a few million Kuni (homos) in Iran! I would never bang a Kuni, that’s disgusting! Well, maybe if he is young, hairless, chubby and Pearly White, and I am very horny, then only after reading a few verses of Quran, I’ll bang him and surely afterwards I’ll Qosl (Islamic Shower)! Well, Weeeell, ….. eh ehhhhh, yeh maybe I’ll bang him a little! Just a little … but I’ll never kiss!

Ahmadinejad: But I surely would never allow any thick necked, big boned Qazvini to butt bang me! Well, Weeell, eh, ehhhhh ……, yeh, OK well maybe just a little! If he’s really healthy and gitty and his shambool is Halaal, then maybe I let him to deep rim me up the Shiiter! Yeh, just a little … but I’ll never blow his Schlong! I never do oral before Namaz, while fasting in Ramadan and on empty stomach!

Only in Iran baby, only in Iran. To be continued ……

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